Tuesday, September 02, 2003

tomorrow i'll be making a(nother) blog hosted on my riotform website. adios, blogger!

recap of the past few days.
sunday: afternoon kick it with the confed heads @ borders. followed by a thorough 7 hour marathon of soul calibur 2 at joe koko-nuts hizzay. OWNAGE in EVERY direction. i get home at 3am. fun.
monday: mowed lawn :( sucky weather. jen's b-day kickit @ her house. plenty of stoners stoned, i am exempt. tekken 4 tournament commences, i OWN everyone due to being the least intoxicated. STEVE ate everyone's children. hot-girls-that-don't-look-their-age-but-are-really-16 mess with my head, but i didnt smoke. home at 3am once more.
tuesday: school, but not really. got ryan to skip his noon class to play soul calibur 2 with us at koko-nuts house. RAPHAEL friggin OWNED. no question. except the occasional ring out by some bastard ass fighters like Voldo and Kilik.

life is pretty good, despite the absence of a woman's warmth. bahhhhhhhhhhh.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

this sucks hairy goat balls. speaking of goats, theres one caged up next door that's been keeping me annoyed all day. my uncle needs to cook that fucker up already and get it over with.
and yeah.
this looks to be a boring ass labor day weekend. it's probably going to turn out to be more of a homework weekend, when i should really be avoiding school work. bahh. none of the usual crowd seem to be doing anything, and to top it off, i think my older sister is going out and having fun more than me lately. now that is just BULL. i remember on friday, we were just chillin at the CRC's cafeteria hall, and I ask, "what are we gonna do now?" and all we did was roll deep to my house and crowd up my room. it was cool to kick it with about 8 people stuffed in my small ass room, but shit, thats all i did that day. nothing came through yesterday and today. sure, i could have gone with Amador to see American Splendor, but maaaan...i didn't know if it would only be me and him going to see it. now that would be suspect.

but to debunk any suspicions...the girl that was my focus for the past few weeks just told it to me straight yesterday night.
i totally understand, i do. she had broken up with her boyfriend of about a year (?), and she told me she wanted to enjoy the single life. crud. seems like i always have to be the understanding one, and sit idly by until the girl makes up her mind. dammit.
well, there goes all the confidence i built up since the "incident" and the "moment." at least i can say, that for once, i didn't sit idly by, that i made something out of a situation and tried to keep it alive. bah.
off to the hunt i go once more. it's all good, i've got something of a "list" of girls, and i'm going to take my chances and run through the game all over again with each of them. woop-pah.

Friday, August 29, 2003

yoohoo! i dont where it came from, but we've got an ample supply of it. dont tell me your biased opinion of this oh-so-good chocolate milk drink. hell, this is probably the only kind of milk i'd ever want to drink. and thats saying a lot.
well, a lot of the plans that we had for today went kaput, seeing as how a bunch of things fell out of place. now here i am, chillin on my roof, wishing i were having fun. bah.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

by the count, we've got the following people confirmed for the coming artRIOT
Khris: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (x)
Seth: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (?)
Alpha: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (?)
Travis: anthology (x) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (?)
Alex/Adam: anthology (X) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (?)
Shelde: anthology (0) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (0)
Reggie: anthology (0) worldwide edition (?) sdcc04 (0)
Joe: anthology (x) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (0)
Knome: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (?)

Ryan and I are heading most of this, so of course we're in.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

business and pleasure is getting better by the day, it seems. i'm on a pretty badass upswing from the downward spiral i went through early this year.
finished the pencils to my first page of sequential art. first time i've messed with sequentials in almost a year. looks like i haven't lost a thing, more like gained a dozen new ones. once i get the second page done, i can officially say i'm back in my art groove.
and business...it's not raking any money my way, not yet that is. but the fact is that gears are finally in motion, and the artRIOT is almost underway. i'll be adding three new additions to the roster, one of them being my old icon, Chris Lee. Alex and Adam are jumping on for the meantime, too. i think they're getting back into their swing, and i'm helping them transition. lastly, is the talented "Xenogia" that Ryan came upon. He'll be hosted once they coordinate the plan for his website. on the horizon, i'm looking forward to hooking up with Jim, and seeing what he can do. and the chick we met in San Diego is a prospective recruit, which'll rock a-plenty. i still need to find some willing female artists to join the crew...

and pleasure...oh, the pleasure aspect... i'll keep this part a relative secret until i know that things are working my way. until then, know that i'm living it up...big time...-sniff- hm, i think i still have her scent on me still... hahaha.
Epiphany #348
I have an almost subconscious jones for Chinese girls. I don't know what it is, but I have more often than not gravitated towards Asian girls half the time, and generally not just any Asian girls. They're either Chinese, or some killer mix of Chinese, or maybe they're a flaming hot Korean girl.
The earliest example I can probably remember is Jen, and she's mixed Chinese/White. Another example is this one girl I met at summer school a ways back... smokin Korean babe. gahhh. Next one would probably be Anh from working at FTB. Yet another example would be that one Chinese, possibly mixed, girl from a class I had the other semester. And then there's my senior ball date, Nikki (My). Also, there's, this girl named Amy, who I tried to get at senior year. If this is any indication, I think I should either stop NOW while I have the chance, or get some kind of help for this.

OHGAWD. Friendster is like some kind of evil system out to destroy my self-esteem. All I have to do is type in a name of say...a girl I was crushing on back in the day, and for some odd reason, the particular person I'm looking for actually exists on Friendster. Seriously. I've found just about EACH girl I just mentioned, and that is not good for the memories I'm trying hard to forget. FUCKFUCKFUCKFRIENDSTER.
And I thought Sacramento was too small of a world, the Internet just got even smaller. GDAMMIT.

Monday, August 25, 2003

hm. i just dropped my history class, leaving my tues/thurs open to do WHATEVER. good.
before i forget, this is a list of all the songs i can attempt to play, or am practicing on my guitar. this is for future reference, so i can burn a CD of this playlist for practice.

"Remember to Breathe" Dashboard Confessional
"Ender Will Save Us All" Dashboard Confessional
"Like I Love You" Justin Timberlake (the mariachi-sounding main riff)
"Come as You Are" Nirvana (bassline riff)
"Clint Eastwood" Gorillaz (bassline riff)
"Outside" Staind
"Fat Lip" Sum41 (needs practice)
"Drive" Incubus (needs lots of work)
"Half-Crazy" Musiq Soulchild
"Seven Nation Army" The White Stripes (bassline riff)
"U Remind Me" Usher (main tune)

just learned, "Rivers of Babylon," Sublimes version of the Bob Marley song.
hah. i think i HELLA overexaggerated on the "half a million words of written work this semester" statement. i believe the correct amount is somewhere around 50,000 words? next time, i should probably calculate my "educated guesses." but anyway. in other news...
riotform.net is doing well, i've almost got the original roster back up, sans one annoying little bugger that goes by the name of Timo. i offered, and saved him space, but being the 14-15 year old walking-wedgie that he is, has neglected it, as well as my advice. that, my friends is the best way to piss me off, if ANY. ignoring my good graces is a one way trip to WRATH OF ROD (3WW, Sorcery. Destroy all pre-pubescent, cack-a-roach fucks and their promised webhostage.)
the five barons of FUNK met up friday night at lai wah, and we discussed our "business" trip to san diego next year. from the book, merch, hotel, to the proposed las vegas trip right after SDCC, we are slowlying planning out the first big step. i'm not so sure if the five of us can still be called "sQuiD" seeing as how we haven't completed a thing in the name of squid since...we graduated high school. ron even said it himself, saying something like we're more like a loosely connected alliance. a CONFEDERATION. true, we are nowhere near the size of a real confederacy, but its a catchy label. i'll probably refer to us as the CONFEDs from now on.
other than a few little timos slowing the pace, business is going well. i've still got alpha's website to work on, but i can get that done in no time. i just wish i could get a bit of commission for work from time to time. eh.

now, onto the "pleasure" part of this update.
friday was a cool little kick-it day, where the likes of Leo and Brian Tillo made quick cameos. hell, my padawan learner (Leo) even hooked Jaime and I with some smokes and lighters that he stole from work. good job. Ryan (Rai) needed to get his severance pay from the club, so we scooted over there to fetch it, and lo & behold, we meet Adam MacDonald there. after Adam MacD got off work, he said he'd meet us at in n out for lunch. rai, jai, and i (ahhh shit. FUNKadelic) then went to the comic shop to check out stuff, and poompoppow, we ran into Jim Shepherd. we hadn't seen Jimbo since we bumped into him at SDCC, and it was good to see that he was working at cards and comics now. i told him about the artRIOT (riotform.net) project, and he seemed down to participate in it.
it's funny. ryan, who knows full well about the artRIOT project and is supposed to be co-spearheading it with me and Amador, would usually meet a cool artist friend of ours and tell them about the gig, yet he would refer them to me for the full explanation.
anyways, after the comics store, we met Adam "Big Soft" MacDonald at in n out around the way, chilled, laughed, and had a good time there. i dont want to sound too mushy, but i miss the guy; he's one of my favorite former co-worker at LCRC. when we were done at in n out, we rolled out to borders to chill some more. we kicked it for the most part, didnt get much done, but eh. while there, ryan then found Daryl Watson there, and told him about artRIOT, and referred him to me for the skinny of the project. hah. Daryl and i talked biznass, mostly comic book industry related stuff. we told him about the book we were going to publish, and he gave us some words of advice, and even elaborated about his future plans of self-publication. grooviness.
the day ended with dinner at lai wah, as previously mentioned.

saturday, was a bit of a jumbled day. i THINK i chilled at home until 9pm, i dont remember. the events that occured after 9pm was reason enough for me to forget the mundane details of the day. we were supposed to go to oakland that morning, but instead the trip was cancelled. eh. ok, here's the deal: it was Elissa's 21st b-day party that night, but the plan had not gone as originally planned; the house that was to be the party location was unavailable, many invitees bailed, the party was moved to ex-boyfriend James' place. James bails early for a rave, the party is transferred to Jen Fong's house. 11:30pm. the party arrives at Jen's. Alex calls, Rai goes with me to pick him up for the party. plenty of Kaligula-esque escapades ensue after we return. i call up Diana, she rolls by, joy is me. Rai no feel good, a quandary arrives. problem resolved, Rai gets home later than normally allowed, and so do i. in the graces of near-strangers, i return home to crash. time is: 4:45am.

sunday, i wake up at 3pm. we missed church. Rai is on lockdown, i'm told. Jaime and Alex are still at Jen's asking me when i'll roll by. i finish homework. Orlando tells me he's rollin over to Jen's. i get ready and drop by. a cute girl is there, and it's not jen. oh well. we play tekken 4. i once again realize why i hate tekken. a small jam session with guitars happens. Rob rocks it on the acoustic. cute girl plays bass. Orlando leaves, we (Jaime, Alex, and i) follow. instead of the drop-off, we meet up at Alex's and chill for a bit. from Alex's, the four of us head over to a vietnamese/chinese restaurant for dinner, orlando's treat. conversation ranges from the plague of women, to biznass. after dinner, we head back, and get to meet Alex's roomie Liz. we watch the movie Go, and then go home. after Jaime's drop-off, i drop by Amador's place to pick up the illustrations he wants me to tone. i kick it for a bit, we catch up on how he got fired recently, among other things. he tells me about house of 1000 corpses, and i borrow it from him. come home. typed this up. yay.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

this is crazy. of all my coming classwork combined, i will undoubtedly write half a million words this semester. i might be in over my head. way over my head.
at least i got my car back from the shop, and can go and do my own thing now. eh.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

i had 4 and a half hours of sleep yesterday night/morning. and it was the night/morning before the first day of school, which is one of the busier days of a semester. i'm hardcore.

Monday, August 18, 2003

...and just as Karma gives me a pat on the back to say, "Hey, you deserve a bit of a reward for all the crap you've had to put up with," it instantly smacks me upside the head, telling me," What a dumbass, did you think you could really get away with it?" I mean, I've once again missed a very amazing opportunity lain on my lap, yet I flub it like a Michael Jordan dunk (sorry about the basketball reference, I've been playing NBA Street vol.2 almost nonstop lately). this missed chance isn't necessarily the only chance i have left at some kind of contentment, but was definitely a sure-shot missed nonetheless.
what to do, what to do? just a rhetorical question, i don't expect an answer anytime soon.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Karma is a great thing. it really is. well, sometimes it isnt. but for the most part it is. right now, karma is gracing me with some goodness, although the "unemployement stone," as my friends have dubbed it, has been handed to me, and i am currently the only member of the group without a job. but without a job, i have been given much more time to pursue a life with relatively few hindrances. i feel more free than i have in years. there are a couple of things i can do now that i wasnt able to do 5 months ago. that, my friends, is GOOD.

Monday, August 11, 2003

heres your uncommon update. these past few days have been fairly busy, and today has been my recharge day. i took a couple of naps, achieving nothing at all, waking up just in time to catch the east coast showing of FLCL on Adult Swim. what a weird, but great show.
Friday, kicked the weekend off with this GREAT party @ Diana's for her birthday, along with Roberta's. I, along with those that rolled with me that night, were the first ones in, last ones out...so to speak. didn't go home until 7am the next day. fun fun fun.
Saturday, slept most of the day, and got back up to get ready for an art show. the first set of plans to get there fell through, and i ended up stranded for a while, with no way to get to J. Street. finally, Amador came through and i rolled with him the rest of the night. after the art walk, we hit up a small kickback. not that bad of a night, but it could have been better.
Sunday, woke up early and once again rolled with Amador to San Francisco for a Zinefest. the fest wasn't that great, so we cruised over to Haight-Asbury with Amador's friend James. we met up with Matt Leunig after hitting up the KidRobot store, and from there we went to the Isotope comic store and kicked it until we left. after San Francisco, we went to Walnut Creek for a Japanese cultural festival with Amador's dad. we stopped by Flying Color's comic store while there, and got lost on the way back. fun times.
so it was a weird three days. first off, it was like a step into my past, meeting a bunch of old school friends and acquaintances. i even had a moment, albeit a drunken one, at the party on friday. hopefully that moment wasnt some isolated incident that was alchol-induced. a day and a half of some of the best moments of my life, and i switch over to step into the world of my friend Amador. met some of his folks, kicked it with circles of people in his social. makes me realize how small my world is. but anyway, met some of his kind of people, and a special "friend" of his, as well as his Dad and half-brother.
great weekend, but now i'm pretty fuckin tired. bah.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

long day. too long. early morning: went to the funeral of my uncle Frank. the prospect of passing on from this life has me in all kinds of mental straits. i don't want to wallow in complacency and normality. no more wallowing, dammit. i don't want my life to flash before my eyes and realize i accomplished none of my goals and dreams. i've had a taste of my own meager mortality, and i do not want to quietly lose it.
so now, i am looking forward, and eagerly grasping toward life in all it's possibilities.

first order of business on my life's agenda is to push for the evolution of my creative self, in any way possible. since san diego, ryan and i have toyed with the idea of expanding our artistic spheres of influence. i have no idea how far we can take it, but we hope to self-publish some kind of compiled work of ours, and any others willing to join in the effort. and since the san diego comic convention, amador and i have been experimenting with a project that can emulate an artistic commune we've experienced, and ideally unite the artistic populace of our little town. the basic idea is something that can be considered an art jam session: a crowd of artists under one roof, kickin back, drawing in sketchbooks, whether it be theirs or someone elses. not only can local artists meet each other, but we can feed off the energy from so many ideas and creative minds that we can all reap and prosper from the experience: connections, friendships, inspirations.
right now, this project is in the very beginning stages, and we met up tonight to lay down the groundwork for this. i'll be heading up the basic website deal, while noir will get the flyer produced. these flyers will be distributed to as many comic shops and hang outs of potential participants in the greater sacramento area. noir will try to secure a nice, neutral place where the first of hopefully many jam sessions can take place, and we'll be the rockin' hosts for this.
when jaime and i got to borders tonight to meet amador (noir), we ran into chris lee, my old school icon from the valley high days. got to see some of his works, and was told about an art show he's in this saturday. we clued him into the art jam idea, and hopefully he can be a part of it. that would rock.
but anyway, i'm psyched about the "sketchbook sessions" project, and already, i've got several folks who could take part in it. i thought at first that this thing wouldn't get to "succesful" size, but then i realized that i know of more art folks in the area than i first believed. this will work, i can feel it.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

My uncle Frank died today. He was a good man, and I could barely see this coming, although our family did feel that his time was growing nearer by the day. I can only hope Robbie and Eileen are doing ok at this time. Rest in peace, uncle.

Monday, July 28, 2003

i dont know.
got back from san diego, and i'm shitassfucked tired. don't know if thats a correct compounding of the words i want to describe my physical state.
took plenty of photos and video, but i'm starting to hate my digital camera. don't know if it's because i'm nearly broke because of it, or it doesnt take pictures at a quality as good as ones i've seen online.
i think i'll sleep in all the crap i neglected to put away when we got home. i didnt even bother to move my bags, just threw them down. it feels filthy around here, maybe its just the heat.
i don't know.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Return of the King, biyatch
Well, in a little under 7 hours, i'll be on bus to San Diego. Home. And in about 24 hours, the San Diego International Comic Convention will be under way, to the glee of thousands of fanboys and comic superstars. woop woop.

This past Saturday was Ron's 23rd birthday picnic out in William Land Park. It was one of the longest days I've had since L.A. a week prior. I barely took any pictures, even though I was there from 12pm to 6pm. The pictures that were taken are here. After the picnic, we (sQuiD plus Alex) went to see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. One of the best days of this summer.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Wednesday, 10:30PM.
Saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Coolest movie of this summer. Hell, I want to be a Pirate now. Argh.
Oh, and, Keira Knightley totally rocks my world.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Monday was really cool day, it made me even more psyched to go to San Diego in one week's time. Ryan, Jaime and I went to the midtown area, Q street, to visit an old friend of ours; a soldier of the arts, whom i haven't seen it quite some time. For some reason, Alex seems to just disappear from the face of the earth, and then pops up at almost random times. I usually never find him, he'll find me.
So we dropped by his apartment yesterday night, and kicked it with him, catching up on good times. I had hoped he'd be able to hit the San Diego Comicon with us, but he's got to make rent, and going off to San Diego for a week wouldn't cut it. Half an hour after we arrived, Adam Cunningham and Cindy drop by, which must be something of a routine they have on this, Alex's day off. At that point, the kick-it session turned into a mini-art jam session. We looked through Alex's art, and I was able to check out the progression in his skills. Adam and Alex did their own thing, and I had also partaken of the session. Ryan and Jaime did not.

Monday, July 07, 2003

The Summer of a lifetime has only begun...
First off, let me say that some of the things I had hoped to do during our Los Angeles trip didn't get to happen. We didn't go to San Diego or Mexico while we were there, and we sure as Hell didn't go clubbing. But it's all good. Next time, for certain. The fact that most of us were only 20 had a small part in not letting us do some of the good stuff. Now, onto the adventure:

Wednesday, July 2nd, 9:00PM
We left later than planned, but it worked out fine. Dobhie didn't get to hook up his Xbox to his dash-mounted video screen, but we watched some DVD's instead. As usual, I get no sleep in moving vehicles. It's just not possible.

Thursday, July 3rd, 3:45AM
We arrived at the Residence Inn located in Fullerton. A total of 18 people stayed there, and sleeping space was limited to the floor for those who arrived that day.
The first thing I did upon arrival was find a nice little corner of the hotel to dump my things and make my temporary base of operations (1).
I set up my gear, while the guys ate a very late dinner (2). They stayed up until 4:30AM kickin back and talking. I tried to sleep to the sounds of Cursive, but couldn't sleep at all that morning. I closed my eyes, but kept opening them and before I knew it, the sun was rising. 18 hours without sleep, no big deal.
At 8AM or so, the first of my cousins woke up, and some of them started cooking breakfast. The guys started to get up at around 9AM, and we headed out to the basketball court and played for about half an hour. The signs of my sleeplessness started to show, I began to lose a lot of my strength while we played. They went swimming after hoopin up, and I went straight to the shower to re-energize.
The guys ate and got ready last, mainly because some of them were just joking around. I found Robbie filming Geno acting a fool upstairs (3).
From my view upstairs, I snapped a couple of pics of what the downstairs half of our hotel suite looked like (4) (5). We were living pretty lavish that week.
When everyone was ready to go, we were off to Del Amo mall.
Del Amo Mall is supposedly the biggest mall in California, not really in size, but more like in area. We wandered around for the most part, while Fred and his girlfriend Chance did some actual shopping. While there, I actually spotted a "celebrity," co-star of Disney's "That's So Raven," sitcom Orlando Brown. Sadly, I didn't anymore celebs from that point on.
After walking around, we chilled outside to wait (6) (7) for Fred, and later, we'd end up waiting for Dobhie's cousins Andrew and JR.
After Del Amo mall, we hooked up with Dobhie's cousin Mark (DJ Remark) and from there, we headed to Santa Monica (8).
Although we didn't hit the beach (9) (10) (11), we did check out the pier (12) (13).
After walking up the pier, we headed to Santa Monica's Promenade(15), a swank shopping plaza. We walked as far up as Santa Monica Blvd (16), and then made our way back to the parking lot to cruise off to our next destination.
Our last stop for the day was at Long Beach City's shopping plaza called The Block. It was late, so the stores were closed, but the bars and movie theater were still open. Just like Santa Monica's Promenade, it was full of hot girls. Sensory Overload. We ended up leaving after less than half an hour of walking around The Block, and we were nearly kicked out because security doesn't allow people to be walking around the plaza in groups bigger than 4. There were 9 of us altogether.
We got back to the hotel room around midnight, and made a quick run to the grocery store to buy some liquor for that night. At the Food 4 Less, we saw a whole crowd of folks chillin in the parking lot, apparently waiting for word of an illegal street race going down. It was cool.
Got back to the hotel suite, got hammered (kinda). Slept at 4:30AM. Sleeplessness grand total: 40 hours, a new personal record.

Friday, July 4th, 12:30AM
Woke up pretty late, but it was for a good cause. Turns out just about everyone woke up as late as I did, so I didn't miss much. Got ready to go, but didn't know where the hell we were going to go. It was the U.S.'s Independance day, and they agreed to head out to Long Beach for the day. The girl side of the party decided to go check out the Hotel Queen Mary (17), an old ship that's haunted and shit. Sounded cool, but expensive.
When we got to LBC (18), we hit some pretty nasty traffic(19), and we sat there for nearly half an hour, moving barely half a mile. All the gangster rap music that Dobhie had been bumpin since we got to LA was starting to get to me. Nothing like Ice Cube to get the blood boiling. All the time spent just to park on the dock side of Long Beach was for nothing, because we were eventually directed to park somewhere off downtown. Another long walk later, and we were somewhere downtown waiting for a shuttle to take us back to the Queen Mary (20). Seconds after the shuttle arrives, and the whole group of us are trying to squeeze our way into the shuttle. I was somewhere in the back, and never made it onto the shuttle with the rest of my group. Instead, I had to run off to another shuttle around the corner to take another shuttle. That sucked so much.
Eventually, I met up with the group, and they bought their tickets to take the Queen Mary ghost tour. While we waited, we walked up the marina, and I spotted something called the Russian Scorpion (21), a submarine (22) docked right next to the Queen Mary. Half an hour later, the sun set, and at 9:00PM, a fireworks show commenced right behind the Queen Mary. Pretty. When their tour was over, we all went into the Queen Mary and checked out some of the haunted spots (23) (24) on the ship.
We went back downtown to get some dinner, and our first choice was The Rock Bottom, but it was damn crowded. It was getting late, and LBC at night (25) didn't seem like a very friendly place. We finally decided to eat dinner at Denny's and headed back to the hotel. I decided to pass on getting fucked up that night and opted to get a full night's rest. Tomorrow was going to be our last day in Los Angeles, so I had to have as much energy as possible.

Saturday, July 5th, 12:00PM
Woke up late once more, and this time I nearly missed something. Today, the party had split up into three separate groups, off to do their own things. One group went to a swapmeet/flea market to shop, another went shopping in Santa Monica, and our group (the guys) went off to Hollywood to get a glimpse of the rich and famous lifestyle. We picked up Andrew and JR, and from there, we took a bunch of highways (goddamned LA), to get to Hollywood blvd. We ended up getting lost somewhere up east Sunset blvd., and we had to double-back at least two times. We finally went west, and found Hollywood blvd (26) an hour later, 4:30PM. We parked, and walked up the that Hollywood star walk thing. Neat. We ended up at the Mann's (Grauman's) Chinese Theater (27). Dobhie bought one of those Star Maps things, and after our walk on the boulevard, we agreed to hunt for Britney Spears' house. According to the map, she's got a house waaay up in the hills, with no apparent way of accessing her house, short of a military special ops team drop-in. The drive up to her hood overheated the brakes of Dobhie's Durango pretty badly, great view of the city, though. After making our way down from the goddess' palace, we rolled out to Rodeo dr. to check out the high-class shops there. Most of the stores on Rodeo are from weird italian people I've never even heard of. Crazy.
We met back up with the rest of the family back at the hotel at around 8:30PM, and by then everyone but the group that had gone to Santa Monica had returned. This group was meant to be last because they had Rosilyn with them, and we were supposed to pull a surpise party on her when they got back. We waited for a bit, but eventually they got back, and we put the fear of the living God into the child (28). After the initial rush faded out, we barbecqued (29) some hamburgers and hotdogs outside. Played some late-night basketball, then tried to sleep early, because we were set to check out at 7AM the next day.

Sunday, July 6th, 6:30AM
Although some of us only got 3-4 hours of sleep, we were all able to get up and go on time, except Geno didn't sleep at all because he stayed up playing Warcraft 3 on my laptop. Hah. He ended up sleeping the whole trip back, though. We ate a free breakfast, compliments of the Residence Inn, and damn...it was quite possibly the best breakfast I have ever had.
6 hours later we're back in the quiet city of Sacramento, and I find that my house is all kinds of fucked up (30) since I left. My parents had already begun tiling the kitchen and family room since I had left, and now, I find myself in the thick of it. Bah, more work for me to do.

Friday, June 27, 2003

Thank God, Hell has a Ghetto
what a great day. it's heating up, and i'm told today was the last day of work. i didnt go, because i helped Jon move his things to his new place. my sister says i should have called in, but i didnt even bother. i neglected protocol, Office Space style.
so now, i get to just chill for the next month, i dont even care about looking for another job for the rest of the summer. well, not entirely. there are still debts to pay off, and manditory expenses to take care of. eh, whatever. the state can take my job and shove it...into a closet, and forget i even worked there.
i feel good, getting sweaty, moving heavy things. soon, i've got to help my dad move everything in the family room out, because they're going to put tiles into the kitchen and family room. sounds great.

oh, and, jon and i had to drop some things off before he dropped me home, and it was in one of the infamous areas of Sacramento. G Parkway is like a small-scale version of Compton or something. it's odd to think that i live less than a mile away from one of 4 "ghettos" in Sacramento.
and of all the days i should have brought my camera to take pictures (of jon's new place, and of G Parkway), i didnt. dammit, those could have been awesome pictures.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

this ROCKS. in less than one week, i will be out of this godforsaken wasteland of a town called Sacramento, heading towards the sinful pastures of Los Angeles and beyond. i'm extremely grateful to my cousins for bringing this trip together and bringing me along. there's nothing like escaping the boredom of life and abandoning all responsibilities.
while my sisters will be leaving with the first group of family on monday, my group will head out on wednesday, giving me extra time to organize the things i'll need for the trip. i might even buy and extra battery for my laptop for this trip. maybe not, those fuckers are expensive.
the girls of this trip plan on doing kiddie things like going to disneyland and shopping, namely, boring stuff. the guys, on the other hand, have other plans in mind. we'll most likely hit the town, clubbing at night (if there are any good clubs in L.A. that are 18 and up), go to San Diego most likely, and if i can persuade them, even Mexico. it'll be great. i'll try to update while i'm out, with pictures and shit.
i might have to buy a new memory stick for my camera, or maybe i can borrow orlando's 64mb stick...hopefully. doob's got a digital vidcam, so we're set there. hot shit, this'll be fuuuun.
i'll be skipping work tomorrow so i can help jon move...again.
this ROCKS. in less than one week, i will be out of this godforsaken wasteland of a town called Sacramento, heading towards the sinful pastures of Los Angeles and beyond. i'm extremely grateful to my cousins for bringing this trip together and bringing me along. there's nothing like escaping the boredom of life and abandoning all responsibilities.
while my sisters will be leaving with the first group of family on monday, my group will head out on wednesday, giving me extra time to organize the things i'll need for the trip. i might even buy and extra battery for my laptop for this trip. maybe not, those fuckers are expensive.
the girls of this trip plan on doing kiddie things like going to disneyland and shopping, namely, boring stuff. the guys, on the other hand, have other plans in mind. we'll most likely hit the town, clubbing at night (if there are any good clubs in L.A. that are 18 and up), go to San Diego most likely, and if i can persuade them, even Mexico. it'll be great. i'll try to update while i'm out, with pictures and shit.
i might have to buy a new memory stick for my camera, or maybe i can borrow orlando's 64mb stick...hopefully. doob's got a digital vidcam, so we're set there. hot shit, this'll be fuuuun.
i'll be skipping work tomorrow so i can help jon move...again.

Monday, June 23, 2003

so i was thinking in the shower what my "soulmate" would be like. i'd want it to be some sappy, nearly cliché kind of romance, where the girl i have wanted all my life is the one that i denied. ya know, a girl that i, for some reason, saw as more of a friend than a lover. i would have met her almost randomly, probably a friend of a friend or mutual acquaintance, or maybe a near-complete stranger at the video store. and it would turn out that we've got a freaky amount of coincidal interests, to the point that she should be a complete dork, if it weren't for the fact that she turned out cool and way too cute to fit the mold. so maybe at first i like her and flirt, as i would no doubt do to any cute girl. but then something unforeseen would happen, or i something about her makes me see her as too much of a friend to ever take it further. at this point i would have no idea how she felt about me or us, as we are having way too much fun being friends and buddies. we play video games, and she definitely owns me at certain games, and i would totally whoop her at others. she draws, is into many different aspects of art and media in general, she even goes with me to comic store to pick up a copy of 100 Bullets or something, while i dork around looking at collectible card games and miniatures, with an issue of Spiderman ready to buy. she doesnt mind that i play the penultimate forms of dorkdom like magic: the gathering and such, and hell, she plays me once in a while with my own cards. she is my equal in almost every way, and that is something in and of itself, as i do not consider many girls to be my equal. sure, they can have higher grades than me, but they're generally not smarter than i. sure, they've got skills when it comes to creative endeavors, but their limits are more than mine.
after months of hanging out and doing things that guys would generally do together (ex: chill outside and shoot the shit, talk about cars and violent acts, etc.), somehow i come to the conclusion that, "hey, we can't be more than this, but i'm perfectly fine with it." maybe she tells me she meets some rad guy, and says he's kind of like me, but not as cool. this doesn't disturb me at all. i even encourage her to get him, if he's almost as cool as me, and i say it with a smile. my heart doesnt break. we hang out almost regularly: weekends and any odd day that we're both off. of course there's the monthly trip to the comics store routine.
i eventually find a girl, and tell her about it. this one's a run-of-the-mill girl, does not hold a candle to her. our romantic lives diverge in opposite paths, and for a time things run as normal. when our circles of friends see us together, having fun, playing around, they ask why we arent together. they ask why we go out with guys/girls that aren't even close to compatible to us, and that we're deluding ourselves. i tell them that we're the best of friends, and that's all we need. i deny that we're perfect for one another, and that us being friends is what is perfect for us. she and i laugh at their ideas and continue being the best of buds. we prove to them that there is such thing as a platonic relationship.
from there, things start to get a little bit different. we would renew the flirtation that started when we first met. she goes through a bad break-up with the current loser, and i'm there to console. and then it becomes totally different. she now divulges her entire thoughts and feelings, and we become closer friends. she even slips into her confessions that she sees me almost like a brother; she's that comfortable with me. i'm her shoulder to cry on, and now we can talk about more than just comics, video games, what was on tv last night, and how dumb American Idol is. i now know her whole life story, and she knows mine. the jokes we normally would throw at each other have reduced, and we're a bit more considerate of one another. we still go to the comics store, but also i come along with her when she goes shopping for girly things, and i'm once thought to be the hapless boyfriend, what with all the bags i end up lugging about at the end of the day's shopping spree.
when once we would sit side by side, looking off into the crowd, we now are sitting/standing opposite each, our attention paid fully to each other. no longer are we the ones who carry each other out of the party when one of us gets too drunk, but instead we try to persuade each other not to drink too much that night. our "secret" handshake is often replaced by a hug goodbye, and sometimes touchy-feely, and possibly flirtatious interactions. the buddy nicknames we assigned one another are replaced by sincere petnames.
a year has come and gone since we first met, and we're still the best of friends. more than that, we're almost kin. it comes to a point that both of our families know us, and because of our friendship, our families become friends. she sleeps over once in a while if we stayed up too late watching tv or a movie, or from playing Street Fighter too long last night. when i would wake up from nights like that, i'd find her almost curled up next to me, or she would be laying upon me in some comfortable way. whatever boyfriend/girlfriend we have at the time would be completely jealous of the time we spend with each, no matter how much reassurance we give them that we're like brothers and sisters. it even comes to a point that we break up with them because they catch us asleep on the couch together in a suspicious way. but of course, we tell each other that they're not worth it if they can't understand that we're just friends.
maybe two years down the line, one of us feels like we've found "the one," and we ask each other if this person is right for us. we nitpick about how bad that person is for them, and that it won't last, or they're not "the one." that drives a slight wedge between us, and for a while we don't speak or see each other. our friends would jest that this is a "lover's quarrel." we see the folly of our ways and try to apologize to each other. and then, as one of us is on our way to mend a relationship thats more important than girlfriends and boyfriends, fiancés and spouses, something bad happens. this is the turning point of the romance that was denied.
i am in something of a hurry to get to her, before she goes on the vacation trip with her boyfriend where she's sure he's going to propose to her. i want to apologize for being a dick before both our lives permanently change, for once they cement their love, there will be no chance for me to make that apology. the wedge will have been driven too far to repair. the red light came too quickly, or maybe my thoughts weren't on the road at all. the lights of the car are blinding, as i brace myself for the impact. i let out a haunting, "nooo!" that echoes in my consciousness as the car hits. i'm not screaming "no," hoping the car won't hit me, i'm saying no because i won't get to her in time. my chance has been wasted.
but it has not.
i awake, half expecting it to be a crazy dream, induced by a late night session of Grand Theft Auto. i'm groggy, but i can feel her head with my hand, and her hand grasping tightly onto mine. i expect her to have crashed at my house, while i played video games, and she neglected studying for her finals. instead, i see the sanitary whiteness of a hospital patient's room. i'm not sitting on my couch, my bed is elevated. the beeping noise isnt my Playstation2 acting up, it's the life support system.
she did not go to Spain with the man of her dreams, she came to me the second she heard what hospital i was in. her boyfriend argued that i was what kept them from going, that i am the cause of their relationship's problems. she defies his every word, they break up at that moment. she cried, not because they had broken up, but because i'm somewhere dying. now, she's asleep, her tears still damp on my hand and blanket.
she senses that i'm awake, and looks up at me. i tell her, "hey...i wanted to apologize..." she says, "no, dont...this is all my fault. this never should have happened. i didn't want this to ever happen." i smile, "don't worry, we'll be getting into arguments like this for years to come, i promise." she laughs, but we know that this moment is too serious to make jokes. her voice lowers, almost to a whisper. "no, this. us. nothing should have come between us. i care about you too much to let that happen, but i slipped this time."
"believe me, we both slipped up," i assure her. my hand strokes her hair as i say it. trying to soften the moment from the fact that i'm in a hospital bed, badly wounded. she smiles, and tears begin to stream once again.
my tone becomes more serious, and i tell her, "no apologies. we both know theres no point in them. you know, when the moment that i thought i would die, all i could think about is how i failed. i failed to tell you how much i care, how much i love you, that i could not let something like this destroy our friendship."
she looks down, and whispers, "yes, i know that feeling completely."
i continue, "i could not die not letting you know that."
she looks directly into my eyes, but it is different from the last time. she's not looking at me like she would if we were to go hang out. theres a look in her eyes, something he can't remember he's seen from her.
"not letting me know that you love me?" the tears she had shed moments ago had left her eyes with a shine that triggered something in me. the look in her eyes made more sense, and soon, a calm fell over me. i was no longer in a hospital, it was just her and i.
i was more sure of myself the moment i said those words, than i was any other time i had ever said them. there was no hesitation, no hint that i partially believed it when i said it. it was not mere words i spoke, it was the pulse of my heart and soul.
"yes... i love you. more than anything in this world."
her hand clenched mine, tighter than ever before. and then, she let go. i briefly hesitated, almost surprised by her suddenly letting my hand go. my fingers trembled in the air. i suddenly felt cold. the moment passed, and her hand touched mine. each of her fingers lined up with mine. warmth spread in me.
another tear falls, and she lightly smiles as it rolls down her cheeks. i can see them slightly turn rosy. somehow, i can hear her heartbeat, and possibly, she could hear mine.
"i love you. not just as a friend. i've always loved you more than that. since the beginning..." our fingers lock, and our hands clasp. my life felt affirmed, she made it understandable finally. more tears fall, and her smile seems to widen more. she starts to confess, "...i never knew how you felt, but it felt right that we would always be friends. somehow, what i hoped would become of us turned into this amazing friendship. and that mattered more than i ever dreamed. you became a part of me, and that made it easier for me to love you as both a friend, and secretly more than that. i always wanted to tell you, but we both understood that going in seperate ways would be best for us. that way we could never lose what we had. it was perfect for us, but not how it was meant to be. somewhere along the way i lost sight of that. when we argued, that was just us saying that we're meant for something more, that we..."
she stopped midsentence. she knew i was going to say something. she wasnt even looking at me, since she tended to look away when she was nervous about what she really wanted say.
i blurt it out. two words that i knew she would answer.
"marry me."
she looks into my eyes once again, the smallest hint of surprise in her face. not because of what i said, but at the moment at which i asked her.
"yes," she says.

the end.

essentially, thats the story. maybe i'll try and make something of it someday, comic, novella, i don't know. there isnt a definite ending because that would just defeat the purpose of the story. showing what happens years from that last moment would kill the idea of a romantic love story. besides, i'd probably write that they're divorced with two kids, and i'm off somewhere with a new love while she's in europe with last guy she broke up with before me. hah.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

another weekend come and gone, now a whole week of work once more. although i can only work up to 6 hours a day this week (i'm too lazy to wake up earlier than that), it's all good. 6 hour shifts are my style, and the work day officially ends at 5:30 for us. that gives me plenty of time when i get home to dick around or play gamecube. yay :).
goddammit, i just used a smilie in my own blog. we're all doomed.
regardless of whether i actually got anything done this weekend, it felt gooood. i've had some of the sweetest dreams these past few nights. i'm tellin ya, i felt warm and tingly on the inside. no, i didnt wet the bed, dammit.
one of the dreams i had was an odd moment at work where it seemed like i "reconciled" with that one girl, although i never fell out of favor with her for anything. bah. but anyway, she walks up to me while i'm doing something unimportant, like sharpening my pencil, and she starts talking to me like we're back in our training class. ah, those were the happy days. and i think i apologize to her for some mysterious offense i had inflicted upon her, and all was good. and it was as if we could pick things up again and have a happy ending. bleh, it was a dumb dream, but i did wake up smiling a bit.
my other dream was a charming "date" dream, where i met up with this really cute classmate of mine at some public place, an outdoor shopping plaza or something. and we start walking around, chatting, having a good time. fast-forward past all the innocent love bullshit, and we're chilling on my bedroom floor (although i seem to have a spacious bedroom in my dream), and theres a mini tv on. we're laying flat on our stomachs, me facing the tv, and her nearly parallel to the televizzle. i scooch (heh, thats not a real word) closer to her, and we talk a little bit closer. she's smiling at me the entire time, with that shine in her eyes that TOTALLY melts my heart and shit. my elbow grazes hers, and i inch close-up to her, and give her a kiss on the cheek, pretty close to her lips. she blushes, and then she leans in to return the kiss...and then i wake up.
fucking dreams, i swear they're like your average girl, TEASES.

Saturday, June 21, 2003

the weekend has finally come. maybe i can get some of my personal things done and out of the way. hopefully i dont get any calls from folks that might be needing my help, because that'll just ruin my mood for the day.
i'm pretty hyped. it seems i may get two chances to head to southern california this summer. so far, my first trip will come the July 4th weekend, when the majority of our cousins and some "extended" family will be going to L.A. to have some fun. the second possibility will be about a week after I get back from L.A. Ryan and i have put it upon ourselves to take the trek to san diego for the annual International Comic Convention. should this dream come true, it is guaranteed to be a blast. should i take the second trip back, though, i very well may go broke this summer after all. hopefully i'll have enough money left over for my snowboarding gear come winter.
i know, it seems like a waste to go back and forth from L.A. to Sac to San Diego. but hell, i'm not driving, but it'll be just as expensive to take the trip in the first place.
now, i've got to go about and get in touch with all the people who would possibly be going to SDCC, and find a way to hook up with them at the con. i might still be able to make this the best summer of my life. hopefully.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

The Hulk comes out this Friday, aaaaand... i've been bloggin waaay too much lately. more so in this past week and a half than in the past 2 and a half months. what in the nine burning hells is going on?
i think she winked at me as i walked past her today. maybe not, but if so, it was a pleasant addition to the hum-drum days i've worked lately. she's cute, and a bangin body to boot. as my niggah Matt had once put it, "man, that Liliya, I'd take her so badly, wouldn't you?"
bah, another day, another 60 dollars made.
fuck, my wrist aching, to the point of unnatural pain. every four months or so, one of my wrists does something that makes it painful to extend the joint in any direction. it kind of freaks me out, especially since it's a chronic occurence. i'm getting oooold.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

GODDAMMIT. this is the third time i've spotted a silverfish crawl up my wall in the past week. i think my room might have a slight infestation of those disgusting bastards. ennnrrrrrhhh. of all corporeal things in this world to be afraid of, i have a near deathly fear of silverfish. i'm not entirely sure why. i think it's because i remember hearing that they're poisonous or something. and i remember seeing something on tv with a closet FULL of them. jeeze, i think i'm getting goosebumps just thinking of it. DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNITT.
I'm sitting here, an hour before work, typing inane shit into this blog, and in the background i can hear the 10 minute long Highway Chase scene from Matrix Reloaded on my other computer. bootlegs are GREAT, i fucking swear.
"We are getting aggravated."
"Yes, we are."

Saturday, June 14, 2003

Damn. after reading the this blog's backlogs...i long for those days past. i actually had a measure of happiness then. so naive and stupid. bah. and after watchin Time Machine the other day, i want to physically change the past. but then again, the short lesson taught in that movie is that some things are meant to happen, and cannot be undone. damnitt. so whether or not i could change certain events in my life, it would be for naught, as H.G. Wells teaches. Like it or not, Carol will appear in my life, Claudia will never leave my thoughts, and i will always screw up in one way or another. it is fate.
the only way to end this current cycle...is to end it prematurely.

Friday, June 13, 2003

ok, i take it back. i wont disappear for a while, but i'm sure as hell not going to go out of my way to be social. every phone call ignored, every text message unanswered. instant messages and emails...maybe. bah.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

fuck. fuck this. i'm going to disappear for a while, and probably won't emerge from hiding for a good while. i'm getting tired of trying to be social.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

hm. it's been a long week since i last recorded recent events. short story long: exhaustion. exhausted from the near constant (i exaggerate) string of communique from previously mentioned old friends, ex, and her. i have truly become everyone's step ladder. bahhh. sure, i like being called upon to help, but damn. it can get quite tedious when it comes day after day. and i still havent put pencil to paper lately and drawn for the pure joy of it.
tonight, my cousin Mary Grace is graduating from high school, and the fam and i will be having a rather large dinner at a chinese restaurant somewhere. tomorrow, i'll have to wake up early once more, this time i'll be taking the ex so she can take her driving permit written test thing. bah. why am i such a sucker?

before i forget, she told me today that she's got a chance to be on MTV's next "Real World" season in San Diego. i woke up early this morning to let her borrow my vidcam so she can tape the third phase of the interview process, which was a telephone interview. i'm actually pretty excited for her, although i tried not to show it today. the exhaustion of this past week has rubbed off as hostility toward her, although i did not intend for my problems to manifest itself that way.

i, in no way, intended for the early part of my summer to be a re-run of my past, what with her, kris, jr, and carol equally occupying my waking time and thoughts. i had hoped to spend some of my summer vacation with this one girl named Anh, but she turned the tables on me at the last second. and that really sucked. there was also the outside hope to try and hook up with this hottie from one of my classes this past semester...but thats a very slow work in progress. so much for summer lovin, hah. thus far, the only love i'm getting is from Neverwinter Nights, and oh, am i spankin that ass. figuratively speaking.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

damn, my week is all kinds of FUCKED UP. jam packed with issues, ya know? firstly, i went to work only to find out that i wasnt supposed to work on tuesday. d'oh. i tried to stick around for 4 hours, as the option to work was given to me since i accidentally dropped by. i only stayed for 1 hour. turned out that there was no work for the rest of the week. i just want to quit already, i don't want to wait for them to lay me off. it's dragging on for way to long.
wednesday, i went to play tennis with my cousins and 2 of the boyfriends of my cousins gem and jac. the heat was intense, and were my constitution weaker (as if it werent already), i would have likely collapsed on the court. sucks to be out of shape. i shall resolve to strengthen my body so i can play better in the future, i've negelected it for far too long. that night, she came by to drop off the books i lent her earlier in the semester for the classes she ended up dropping. we shared a quaint moment, blah blah blah.
thursday, i tried selling the aforementioned books, but they did not fetch a damn thing. my hopes to have some pocket money to buy gas and some smokes went sour. now i've got to charge the gas to my credit card. and i hoped to never charge gas on credit, gaaaah.
on top of that, kris, one of my oldest friends, is in need of my help, so he's going to stay the night at my house, and we've got to find him a place to stay for the next couple of days.
and then... my ex texts me not 30 minutes ago, wanting to kick it tomorrow. so now, it'll be me, her, and kris, hanging out tomorrow. your average reunion that dates back 4 or 5 years back. fun times.
i swear, i might end up forgetting the actual things i need to get done this week because of all events popping up. dammit.

Friday, May 09, 2003

i think i'll rescind my previous policy of limiting information regarding my romantic life. let's just say i got a slight wake up call today, and not just because it was 6:45 in the morning. i spent the better half of my day in the company of my ex-girlfriend, and if you know me, i used to speak quite lowly of her (sorry Carol, if you ever read this). that practice, along with isolating my current affairs, are going to change in the coming weeks/months. so yeah, Carol and i went on a 'date,' although it cannot be called one, considering she has a boyfriend. mcdonalds breakfast, starbucks ,movie, in & out lunch, good times all around. i started to rethink the way i nonchalantly deny people access to my private life, and how dumb it was for me to do so. in the past week or two, i've been divulging info to certain people, including her, that i had hesitated to acknowledge in the past. it's just not healthy to bottle it up.
today was a really good day. i'm a little bit happier now. work didn't even phase me today, as i just dicked around and had a good time earning my $8.30 an hour. my cute co-worker Anh, whom i hope to get in a few dates with over the summer, was there today, which brightened my day further. co-worker Matt was around as well, and we actually we conversed, which made this day all the more worthwhile. he caught me 'mackin' on Anh, although i'd consider it just normal, friendly conversation, and he highly approved of her. when i rolled up to him (literally, i was in a rolling chair), i commented on how HOT the girl that sat across from him today was (refer to blog entry dated 4/15/2003), he had me laughing because he agreed, but also said that she was sexy, but dim. hahah. apparently, she's a ditz. eh, good enough for me, hah. he went on to say that Anh is quite the looker and encouraged me to get in on that. thats what i'm looking forward to this summer, going out with Anh. and getting a new job. mmm, money. still not sure about summer school, maybe i'll elect to skip it this year.
additionally, i think i'll be taking up cigarette smoking as something of a mild habit. i basically need something to do during my breaks at work, and smoking with co-workers sounds appealing to me. bah.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

at the beginning of this year, i had a goal to find a bunch of places in my area that i can retreat to and draw or think. i found one yesterday when i was walking around the capitol mall area. this place looks like the yerba buena gardens in san francisco (but more low key), and has a couple of walkways and benches to sit on. a gang of extreme bikers where riding around, which made it seem much cooler.
the other 'secret spot' that i wanted to retreat to once in a while was a rest stop out in truckee. got this idea after going up there to snowboard for the first time. peaceful and quiet. too bad gas prices are ludicrous right now. bahhh.
a couple of other places i wanted to check out was a spot along the river, or discovery park or something.
damn. where did all my hard drive space go? when i first got this laptop, max capacity was 27 gigs. within a month, i had already eaten up 6 gigs. i thought i could keep everything steady at 20.5 or so gigs, but all of sudden, i'm at 19.5...what the hell is taking up a whole gig that i don't know of?
...wait. never mind. the second i ejected the disc of warez i just archived, the space that i used to copy the files onto the CD-R returned to normal. hah. man, i was really scared for a moment. stupid RAM caches.
it seems my run on blogger will last a little bit longer than i originally intended, since i don't want to re-instate the SNAP section of my website. i'm trying to figure out a new design for both the main page and my personal blogspace, which i'm renaming AV. it's supposed to be short for Audia/Visuo. since mp3's aren't allowed on the server space, i won't be able to use the "audia" portion of the intended sub-section. i pretty much wanted AV to be a blog/photo/music dump site. write my thoughts, post a pic, provide music download. i'll see about circumventing the rules on mp3 uploads. for the people, but the people, ya know.

Friday, April 18, 2003

found out today that my ex-girlfriend is engaged. shes not even 18 yet (damn, that doesn't make me look too good, now does it). i feel so inadequate now. i mean, if i had held onto her hard enough (i have the horrible tendency to give up on girls if things don't go my way), maybe it could have been me proposing to her. but then again, i remember that i base some of my dating philosophy on the "tomcat" ideology: date as many girls, and don't let any of them settle you down. yes, now i feel better about myself. if she believes he's the one and is truly ready for this kind of a commitment, then doggonit, go for it. i never let past feelings deter my current choices in life. i don't want to jinx anything, but i don't foresee it lasting. nothing against them, but damn, marriage? all kinds of things can happen at this stage of life that such a choice can easily fall apart and leave you more than just heartbroken. eh.
on a lighter note, my relatives are moving in with us until their house gets built. we owe it to them to open our home to them, since they did the same for us when we first moved to Sacramento. it'll be cool rooming with my cousin Dobhie. as long as he's not a snorer. maybe it'll bring our families closer together, just like back when we were younger. in the years since the early 90's we all grew apart into our separate paths in life. JR to filmography, Dobhie into DJ'ing, Fred into working, Geno into the cool guy, Alan into the pimp, Bryan into the geek, me into arts, and everyone just growing apart. sure, we'd get together and kick it (although i missed out on a lot of that), but we were of differing thoughts and minds. seems like everything is coming full circle though, as we've all grown up, and those childhood dreams are becoming reality for some. just wished life could be simpler. maybe when we're all settled, we can have frequent get-togethers and just hang out like adults. that'd rock. can't wait to live out the rest of my life in comfortable security. enough of this CHANGE bullshit.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

work seems to get more interesting by the day. so i'm fresh off a day of nearly perfect snowboarding, finally feeling the pains of tumbling down a mountain for 6 hours. i'm sore in nearly every muscle. it feels great. started an early work shift, since its spring break here. turns out the potluck i thought we were going to have was postponed til wednesday, and i bought two buckets of KFC chicken in vain. oh well, got plenty of people wondering who's chicken was sitting on the potluck table. i think i've even caught the attention of the HOTTEST girl working in my area, too. because of the my misinformation, she initiated conversation about it. i felt like a dumbass most of the day today because of that damned postponed potluck. good thing it all balanced out at the end of the day. co-worker Matt had me laughing most of the time with his remarks and the accents he kept playing with all day. learned a new workload, so i won't be stuck looking for something to do. and then, the moment that made the whole day worthwhile:
so the HOT girl is getting ready to end her shift, and i'm up to get some work to do. i walk up to a cart of work thats a few feet away from her desk, and she walks to her desk, looks at me and tells me not to forget my buckets of chicken. we smile, shortly laugh, i thank her for reminding me, god knows i would have most likely forgotten. i grab my work, go back to my desk and get back to work, i'm already behind. i spot her from the corner of my peripheral vision, making her way towards my desk. i look up, and she's standing next to me, asking if i would like a piece of the cake she brought for her group's potluck. it's strawberry. i gladly accept. i look at Matt, and he cheers me on saying, "way to go Rodney!", much to my embarassment. she hand's me a fairly big piece of frosted strawberry shortcake, and goes back to her desk to get ready to go. Matt says to her, "where's the love?", hoping to get some attention from the most beautiful girl in IVS. i place the cake next to my computer and get back to work. even with my headphones on with rock music blaring, i can hear this vixen ask me, "you're the guy that brought the chicken, right?" confirming her thoughts, or prolonging our encounter? i say yes, she laughs, and leaves for the day. Matt says as she walks away for the third time, "damn, she can't get enough of you," adding an unnerving dance that only a white man can do. i try to hide the smile on my face, and were i lighter skinned, you would have seen me blushing. i think i'm smitten. never used that word before. sounds appropriate, considering the circumstances. c'mon now, if the most drop-dead gorgeous girl were to fawn a little bit of attention on the quiet and reserved guy (me), while the outgoing and humorous guy (Matt) sits idly by to witness such a contradictory moment, wouldn't your head be over your heels?

one more thing, snowboarding trip yesterday was the greatest. not just because of the weather (it lightly snowed), but because it was a gathering of friends that haven't been in the same place together since spring break last year. the fun factor completely made the day complete. although i didn't get to hit a run with Lance all day, i was able to ride with ron, orlando, and jun, several times. we were TEARIN' UP THE BUNNY SLOPE. nothing beats that.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

tomorrow looks to be one of the best snowboarding trips this season. the snow conditions havent looked this good since i first went to alpine meadows in january. yessss. that fool orlando wants to race me down the mountain. he does not know what he's getting into. he thinks that since he got two extra days of boarding in since the last time we've boarded together, that he's at my level...or worse, surpassed me. ha! i will be a demon on the slopes. makes me want to splurge and buy my own board/boots/bindings NOW. arhelkaj;fkl;dsa

Saturday, April 12, 2003

sub-central has resurfaced, and optica has just breathed it's first breath of new life. i'm in reVISION mode once more. been chatting with Master Wil, interacting with one of the iconic figures of my early days of arthood. still figuring life out. i have a crevice in my jaw. fun times, my friends.

Monday, April 07, 2003

Sunday, April 06, 2003

theres 2500 gigabytes of available data to download on Limewire right now, and i have nothing to download. how pathetic is that. yes, this weekend just keeps getting better and better.
mmmmm. the taste of blood is so...refreshing. i think i swallowed at least 5 blood clots in the past 24 hours. it feels like my digestive system is rejecting the excessive amounts of blood i've swallowed and i'm slowly dying. that would suck, because i finally got a copy of photoshop 7 to work with. amador said my breath would reek of death, and indeed it has. this really does suck.
camera...i want a digital camera... must... vainly.... display myself... on the internet... to... boost... my... ego. but i could sure use a digital imaging device for more than just that.
whats sucks the most about my current predicament is that half of the entire family has come by tonight, and my mom cooked tons of food to feed them. i can only eat one dish out of the dozen's cooked. DAMMMITTTTTTT. i better lose 10 pounds after this ordeal is over, so i can gain it all back.

Friday, April 04, 2003

holy crap. i was snooping around in my workhorse-of-a-website on geocities, and found a crapload of my old web designs. hell, i forgot i even did most of them. at least i know i have some kind of portfolio of work hidden away somewhere, and i'm currently in the process of archiving them onto my computer for future reference. actually, i'm quite proud of most of these designs, and i'm going to try and format them to be PC friendly.
heres the link to all of my 'creations' of ages past:
Acoustic Expression (the Dashboard Confessional days)
Emocore: Dig it Sucka ('emo' inspired)
Interim: Nothing's Permanent (winter theme)
vision imperial (a partial design)
too bad liquid2k sucks balls, because i think i have at least one design sitting in my old account. sub-central.com had my current "maverick" theme, but its all kaput now. oh well.
No Brainer is the current design. really simplistic, took me 45 minutes or so. really sucks, too. hahahahahahha.
PAINNNNN. Not that bad though. Just the left side of my jaw hurts because the wisdom tooth on that side was the one that was growing at an almost perpendicular angle. i'm trying to sleep the day away, but the gauze pads get to annoying to deal with. man, i could really go for good foods, rather than the prospect of cold soup and smoothies. bahhhh.
what i wanted to do, since i'm not supposed to talk (it'll strain the muscles trying to recuperate), i was going to get some speakers and connect them to my laptop and type what i wanted to say and make the computer speak the text. Hawkings style, baby.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

blargh. just finished up eight hours of work today. apparently, i won't ever be furloughed (sent home due to lack of work) now that i learned a new workload. yay, i think? i think i can play hooky with work every so often, since my boss is pretty laid back. shouldn't over-do it, though. seems plans are confirmed for a snowboarding trip monday, april 14. that'll be a day i'll have to find a really clever excuse to get out of work. still thinking about the foolproof plan to pull it off. must confirm with ron about those discounted ski lift/rental package coupons, for i will try to invite a friend to snowboard with us.
T-Minus 11 hours, 15 minutes, 54 seconds until pure pain and havok will be wreaked upon my mouth, my wisdom teeth in particular. hopefully i can get the doc to hook me up with some painkillers like vicodin. that way i can pop those pills even after the pain is gone. drug addiction, here i come.
i was inflicted with the most heinous paper cut today. of all the injuries that could draw blood, these damned paper cuts seem to be the most painful. oh the irony of enormous pain coming from miniscule lacerations.

thoughts are running rampant with ways to ditch work, lying in pain, and why i can't seem to finish any drawings i do lately. jfdkl;ajfslkjflda.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

geeze. i applaud Jaime for the audacity to attempt pranks on April Fool's Day. it's sophomoric, but it definitely made me laugh. props.
this monkey's antics include sending each of the sQuiD members a special edition of the newsletter announcing the disbanding of our group. sure, we discussed the idea recently, and we even went so far as to agree that dissolution of the union was imminent, but we didn't officially agree to anything. when i read the e-mail, i was automatically confused, because i thought a decision had been made without my knowledge. i quickly realized it was a joke. you see, i don't give a second thought on the purpose of April 1st, and Jaime easily exploited that thought. i'm quite sure most people would fall for it just as easily.
his second act was to post a message on his website (yes, i browse it quite frequently) announcing that he's being deported. another good shot. nearly had me there. sure, he's a resident alien, and sure he could be deported for any number of reasons, but you slipped when you showed 'evidence' of the deportation with the 'scanned' document. it is possible to find a copy of government documentation online, and he ruined the illusion by changing the documents fields with your own entries, but using a different typeface...
enough of the fool's day shennanigans.

i'm tired. work is losing its appeal. working less hours, making less money, debt is rising. but the cuties that i work with are still there. pros and cons, i hate them.

Monday, March 31, 2003

well, i'm back. back to the old blog like a crack whore to the blow dealing pimp daddy. giving head just to get through the withdrawals. yes, i relish in the use of disgusting analogies. the real reason of my return to blogspot space is because sub-central is currently down for reasons unknown to me.

lets move things...forward, as that pitiful brit rapper-wannabe says in that song. ugh. uhm yeah.
well, it seems my mind state is starting to focus on my long term goals and shit. namely, getting out of Sacramento and into a school in southern California. since i have no chance of making it into a UC, i figured i can settle and try and get into a CSU. when Ryan or whoever it was said that Veteran's Affairs doesn't cover private college tuition, i simply decided FUCK THAT against going to Cogswell or any technical school. besides, their tuition is far more expensive than that of a state school. i try to do everything i can to alleviate any financial hardship on my parents. but they seem to endure through all that.
my current choices are falling between CSU San Marcos (somewhere north of San Diego), and San Diego State University. I don't think i'll go for SDSU, seeing as how my cousin Jaclyn went there and promptly returned within the semster. so San Marcos it is. sounds like a nice little town. anything than this little town. but i digress.

starting to scout around, searching for the things i'll need when i finally break loose from the 'womb' and try to make it on my own. that Ford Focus doesn't seem any closer, but thats not a big deal. i'm mostly concerned about whether i should buy a digital camera or DV camcorder that has digital still imaging. i'd definitely save money, but sacrifice portability. decisions, decisions. basically, i'm trying to center my solo life around the use of hi-tech tools, with my iBook as the hub to bind it all together. the digital lifestyle, as Apple puts it. fitting, i think.
oh yeah, i believe my major will be illustration, or multimedia/web design. anything that'll allow me to free the creative thoughts i've imprisoned. i'll most likely choose the multimeda path to enlightenment.
at the same time that i am planning my emancipation, i'm also thinking of all these luxuries i can install into my current environment, including studio lights and an art desk. and i have this wacky idea of buying a projector and hooking it up to my laptop so i could watch movies projected onto my wall or some kind of screen i'll install into the ceiling. its pretty wild. you should see the setup i want to use if i were to put an in-room theater system to work. i'm also contemplating networking my macs to the new pc downstairs. so much work to do.

and how do i plan to pay for such lavish add-ons? hell if i know. but i plan to get a job at the apple store opening at arden fair mall. it's destiny, i say. well, not really. you see, such a lucrative job has its ups and downs. for one, its in arden, thats quite the commute. just as bad as as commuting to my current job. but its the mall, plenty of reason to be there anyway. but...i'd potentially be working in the same area as Claudia, not someone i would hope to bump into every so often. things are bad enough as they are, but seeing her every day i work? shit. another cool thing is that the bulk of the Starbucks in Sacramento that are wirelessly connected to the Internet are downtown and in the arden area, so i have plenty of places to retreat to if i need a quick net fix.
so, i've got to get started on looking for a job, like now. work at FTB will probably end in May, unless i quit before that. thats a nice idea. wouldn't want to get fired like the other job. ugh, i'm still disgusted by the thought of the racquet club.

i have made the decision to never tell any of my friends about my current romantic affairs, or lack thereof. theres always some kind of confusion that leads to poorly formulated hypotheses. assumption is the mind killer... or is that fear? definitely assumption. well, the exception to whom i would share such things would be Big Jon, since i've known him longer and can depend on him to keep it to himself. besides, he doesn't kick it with our circle very often, so the confusion is minimal. the most i'll do is probably hint at some goings-on, but nothing more. y'all are too stupid to comprehend, but i love ya anyway.

i think i'll start drifting away from socializing with friends and folks, since their presence is usually a deterrent to whatever i need to get done. sure, i'll make time to hang out with friends and girls, but less than usual. need time to structure the rest of my college life so i can actually graduate before i'm 24 or something. if my social life suffers, so be it. besides, 'socializing' with my current circle of friends isn't what it used to be, and that realization is starting to set in and is highly embittering. the glossy sheen on life's exterior is starting to fade and depreciate in value. damn, i'm starting to sound emo again. crap. i hope this jaded side of me isn't rubbing off on the ladies, i mean lady, i mean...yeah. nothing. holy shit, i think it is. i better quit this before i grab my guitar and start playing in an ear-splitting reverie of angst towards the opposite sex and disillusionment of life.

"...found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful day...."
-The Used

until optica goes back online, you'll catch me here.

Friday, February 21, 2003

I've realized that in a mere week, I think I have single-handedly lost a job, and a girl. I'm being a dick lately, in my thoughts and most likely my actions. I suppose thats my personal reaction to the world when it gets too fucked up for me to adapt to. On top of that, I have nothing funny or witty to write. Damn.
Heh, I got fired from my first job today. Finally, I'm free of the bullshit that was requisite with that horrible place. $6.75 and hour to deal with uptight white people? No thank you.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Blast from the past! Today, I executed a maneuver not used since my sophomore year in high school. I actually gave a girl my number. I'm not saying that I receive numbers like I receive fan mail, but I haven't actually given a girl my number first since the Maria Tran girl. Heh, I didn't even ask for her number in return. Whether she calls me or not is irrelevant, since I don't intend to wait on a girl from this point on. Call me callous, or insensitive, but eh. I've taken enough shit from the genus Femme Fatale in my experiences.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

If you're looking for a good, new movie to rent or possibly buy, I recommend Rules of Attraction (James Van Der Beek, Shannon Sossamon), something akin to Requiem For a Dream in that it's a college movie (and you should know I'm all for college movies). It's a crazy movie about the lives of 6 or so college kids intertwined with sex, drugs and "rock and roll." Fairly explicit, and a great movie in terms of cinematography and directing. Rules of Attraction is to college dramedy movies as Fight Club is to action movies. Good shit.

Turns out, Spiderman: Legend of the Spiderclan ends at issue #5, making it the only issue for Kali to pencil. Sigh.
It also turns out, that I'm wasting my time on a girl who is essentially invisible. She's not there for me in times of significant need, nor does she attempt to be. It's quite sad that I'm the complete opposite of her. FUCK it. I'm done with her. Should you ask about me and her, I will attempt to implode your brains with my pyrokinetic abilities and evil glare attack.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon is pretty fucking sick. Way better than the show of the early 90's. This latest incarnation is actually a little bit more true to the original comics. Still oozes with the essence of the 90's version, though. Arkanium (now cancelled) penciller, LeSean Thomas is set to do the TMNT comic for Dreamwave. Yay for LeS.
Khary Randolph, a.k.a. Kaligula, one of my iconic comic artists on the Net, is pencilling Spiderman: Legend of the Spider Clan #5, replacing Skottie Young for the issue (hopefully the rest of the series?). From what I've seen, Kali 'freaks' the pages of the Spiderman spin-off. I haven't seen Skottie's work on Spider Clan, but I highly prefer Khary to be penciller for the series, he deserves it. Much props to Kali.

Still wondering if I can launch my own comic project sometime this year. Damned resolutions. They never work out. Besides, I still have a lot to learn before I can actually produce a quality comic. Bah.
24 hours can do wonders for reflective thought. It's been roughly a whole day since the Valentine's Day date of DOOM, and I'm actually drawing fond memories of that night of ego-crushing proportions. From what I'm told, the Daredevil movie was quite the bust, although I'm still committed to seeing every Marvel movie and owning the DVD from here on out. Ok, onto the happy reminiscing.

She takes my right hand while I'm driving (I drive with my left hand) and thanks me for being her Valentine. Unfortunately, she later jokes to me that I wouldn't have had a Valentines if it weren't for her.

She's overjoyed that I made a copy of Justin Timberlake's "Justified" album for her. She gets excited pretty easily.

She compares me to an friend of her's in Cincinatti (not sure if thats a good or bad thing), in that I can just as easily share a love of music with her.

She insists on taking both my Valentine's Day CD compilations (the infamous straw that broke the date's proverbial back), "Love Sucks" and "Love Rocks." Being the sap that I am, I let her have them. Of course I can just record more.

We sing off-key and horribly to the sounds of Dashboard Confessional and New Found Glory.

Dinner at On the Border. "Was the waiter's name Rod or Rob?"

We talked about family. I convince her that a German Shepherd is way better than a Yellow Labrador, and that a mop dog sucks in comparison to a bloodhound. Ultimately, she decides that she'll get both the lab and the shepherd, with a small house dog to neglect and live in the shadow of the coolest outdoor dogs ever.

Two sons and two daughters or three daughters and one son? She chooses the latter, while I insist on the former. I know far too well the joys of being the only son, but she's adamant on "babying" her only son. Hah.

She slips up and says she doesn't want our children to compete against each other. She quickly apologizes, and we laugh.

We overate at On the Border, and chill in my car for a bit. I'd rather not drive on a full stomach. She keeps insisting that we hurry up and go, and warns, "You'll never make it with a Mexican girlfriend if you don't suck it up like a man and drive!" I am suspect to believe she's not very good at dropping subtle hints.

She repeatedly says that she's having a lot of fun, and that we're having a great date. Yet again, I'm led to believe that subtlety is not her strong suit. Either that, or she's the worst liar I've met thus far. Oddly enough, I choose to believe the latter.

When we finished our date, and arrived at my house and to her car, I gave her both the candy roses I forced my youngest sister to make for me. She instead chooses to keep one and let me have the other one. Not sure what that's supposed to mean. She warns me not to eat the candy.

I try sneak a kiss from her at the conclusion of our date, but she refrains. I can understand why me trying such a stunt was uncalled for, namely because we spent the last few hours of the date with her ex-boyfriend, of all people. If that's not the ultimate romantic mood killer, I don't know what is. Instead, she gives me a kiss on the cheek (damn*%$!), and leaves me with this:
me: "No kiss?"
her: "Not yet...but I promise it'll be worth waiting for..."
She smiles, I'm confused. Yet again.

As you can see, I live a torrid love life.
Possibly the weirdest outing with a girl since the last time we kicked it Halloween. I had the feeling today would be something of a bust. But in the end it wasnt that bad, just really...weird. Something like a karmic slap in the face, but it left me with one of those sinister "give me more" kind of smiles. I wonder how everyone else's Valentine's Day turned out. Not nearly as ACTION-PACKED with issues as my date tonight, I'm sure. Let's recap.
I worked during the afternoon, which set an already bitter taste in my mouth. Nothing like clocking out of work to try and pick up the pieces of your gloriously planned day. Went home, and already, the day was working towards it's disturbing climax. Instead of picking up the girl at her house, as was planned, she ended up dropping by my house, and leaving her car there while we (me, her, and her friend) killed some time and drove around my neighborhood.
8:00PM Dropped the friend off, and then phase 1 of THE date was supposed to commence. Instead, she gets second thoughts of watching Daredevil because of some opening-day-phobia. Eh. We go to the north part of town to maybe catch a movie at their Regal theaters, but again, she changes her mind. It's ok, the night is still young.
9:00PM We eat dinner at a mexican restaurant in the same plaza as the Regal theaters. We get full, and then go to a music store on broadway. I think every town has a broadway, so it's safe to label it as an improper noun.
10:15PM Music store, and urinations. All the soda I drank at the restaurant forced all the fluids to quickly escape. Not too clean a job. She buys a John Mayer CD and a spanish rock album. Enter the WEIRD.
10:45PM We head back to my car, and prepare to bump the new CD's she's bought. We load 'em, and pop the cartridge in. Technology DOES suck. It seems two CD's mysteriously jammed the loading slot. How? I don't know. We didn't even touch the two CD's that jammed. The universal solution? Her ex-boyfriend to the rescue. Now, I have nothing against the guy (I rather think he's a stand-up guy, although a stoner), but I did NOT expect something like this to happen, nor for him to enter the picture. Nevertheless, he did.
11:30PM We had to hunt him down in the south part of town, and met up with him at a Wal-Mart. He gives the console an inspection (he's a whiz at audio equipment), and says he's going to have to take the fucker apart completely to liberate the imprisoned CD's. He can't possibly operate in the middle of the parking lot like some back-alley surgeon, so we head over to his place even farther into the southern boonies of town where the proper tools are located.
11:45PM The fun has just begun. Me, the girl I'm on a date with, and her ex-boyfriend in one car once again (Halloween was the previous instance). We're relying on his skills to save the day. Thankfully he does, but not without thoroughly changing the mood of the otherwise fun date. As usual, I go mute, while his suave and oddly comedic personality kicks in, and she's in the back seat hanging out. I'm tired and wanting to blow my brains out onto the windshield.
12:45AM He fixes the problen, but the CD changer is otherwise fucked to Hell and back. It won't even play CDs now. But it can eject! Yay! Ugh. We double-back to where he left his car somewhere in Laguna (the commercial area of the southern suburbs), and drop him off. I am one step closer to ending this night.
1:00AM Back home, to where the night started. Still not closer to anything remotely according to the plan. I get no play. I guess I was better off, because all I needed was to just get home and finish myself off. Alas, I have no rope.

Actually, it was a great date, despite what happened towards the end of it. When it was only me and the girl, we were actually having fun. Something I doing remember us having in a while. Undoubtedly, tonight was my most memorable date, for the better part, and the worst part. Halloween was not a fun outing at all, although it was also me, her, the ex, and our friend. But Halloween lacked the substance that was present tonight. All I can do now is put this night behind me, because I won't be seeing her for at least another week or two, and I can certainly live with that. If I can push her out of my mind for now, it most certainly may be for the better.
And I'm spent. Happy Valentine's Day, fuckers.

Friday, February 14, 2003

"Why are rappers named 'Lil' now?"
"They're all getting smaller!"
Bah, I'm tired. The prospect of Valentine's day is distressing to my ego. Good night.

Monday, February 10, 2003

Hmm. Choices, choices. I have a myriad of choices when it comes to striking it on my own in the world. I can possibly move out to Florida and live with my cousin Geno, who's going to attend a school there. That'd be cool. I could move back to San Diego and somehow survive in my old hometown. I'm not sure what the living costs are down there, but I'll find out should I roadtrip there this summer.
Or, the dreaded choice of living in Sacramento is a large possibility. Several friends of mine are planning to get apartments/houses in Saramento, so there's my opportunity.
Of course, the biggest factor of actually moving out would have to be a stable, well-paying job to support rent, bills, and car payments. I've got a weekend job pretty much locked, unless I were to somehow screw up like I usually do, and lose it in some pathetic way. Job hunting sucks, too.
Also, the matter of my own car plays a large role in actually getting a job, and keeping one. My best bet is to buy a car around 2 grand or less. I've also got to drastically cut back on excess spenditures like snowboarding equipment and miscellaneous items.
Did I forget to mention that I've got to pay to repair for the three car's I've damaged? Yep.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Fuck. I'm screwed for at least half a year. I hit my neighbors car last night, and dented their driver side door pretty bad. Fuck you Ryan. You think you're such a perfect driver. Go crash into a fence or something. Pft.
Now I'm scrambling to get my thoughts together because I'm ready to flip the bird to each and every person from here on out. I'm going to buy myself a car, drop out of school for half a year, and move out of here as soon as I can. I could care less about what my parents say right about now. My mom has pretty much driven me to this decision, that controlling beast. I feel bad for Ryan for not having anywhere near the cajones to attempt an escape to freedom. The "real world" can be pretty harsh, but people can always come together to make it in the world. Don't expect to get along in the world without a little bit of help. I may as well walk the path of the derelict artist, and live paycheck to paycheck, hoping to "make it" in the art world, uneducated and self-taught. Ah, my dreams are coming true.

Thursday, February 06, 2003

Oh shit, I nearly forgot that I have a $200 credit card debt to repay. There goes a formidable chunk of my paychecks. I guess I'll be delaying that heavenly laptop a month or two. Woe is me.
I just economically jizzed all over my bank account today. My first paycheck from my new job came in today, and it was a whopping $474. Granted, I get paid once a month (damn state jobs), but thats a large amount, more than my first job pays in one month combined.
Feet are cold, and I'm missing her. Shoot me, so I can feel pain that I can tolerate, godammit. But really though, my feet are ice cubes right now. And I'm wearing socks. Socks are like shrinkwrap, they only cover but don't protect. Oh how easy it was to punch through shrinkwrap to steal something. I mean...thievery is wrong, yeah...

Monday, February 03, 2003

Joy. I kissed her today. Not the same kiss I normally give her on the cheek. A light kiss on the lips, as quickly as I could before going home. Joy.
Firstly, let me reiterate what I publicly proclaimed this past week: Thank God for Pornography.
Now, don’t go forming some kind of impression of me, until I’ve explained my reasoning.
After a weekend-long marathon of porn, thanks to hijacked high-speed internet, I’ve come to the apt conclusion that porn is a tonic for the soul. The way I see it, I’d rather have a sociopathic psychopath give in to his hand rather than a more violent form of self-expression. Of course, it is naive to believe that porn can be a cure-all for human behavior, since it is, in fact, a part of human nature that most Christian ideal’s scorn. Bah, is what I say to religious values. Of course, throw any predispostions based on Catholic standards right out of the window, especially in a world like ours. But that is a subject for another time.
If we were to just hand certain terrorists a hi-definition digital television, home theater surround sound system, and plenty of porn, why, I believe we’ve just tapped into their human vulnerability and quite possibly delayed/averted another embassy bombing. Hell, you know some terrorists could use a visual helping of Brianna Banks deepthroating. I’m quite sure they would benefit from it, after being cooped up with other men in a cave for so long. Unless they were homosexual...
I understand that the pornography is an evil industry, manipulating its constituents and consumers, but what billion-dollar corporation is devoid of immorality? McDonalds you say? What kind of malicious conglomerate reduces the size of their Big Mac™ patties to the size of hamburger pattiess?! That is pure sadism, people!
I digress, because this porn industry is as bad as they come. But without it, our society would more or less evolve into a drab utopia or self-contained community, where law and values are placed higher than human emotions. I would prefer that porn flourish, as well as other kinds of primal entertainment (contact sports, violent television, etc.) as a vent for frustrations. You never know when your utopia’s average blue-collar civilian goes insane for a brief moment and guns down his fellow employees. We pretty much need most forms of pornography, save the extreme kind (child porn, bondage, etc.).
As a disclaimer, pornography should in no way be applied to real life, only as a form of release for our carnal desires. I highly advise against attempting any of the retarded lines that the long-haired adult film star recites. It is a poor attempt at acting at best. Note how they are generally referred to as “adult film star”, as opposed to “porn actor/actress” because they are the worst actors/actresses you can find.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no supporter of pornography, nor do I deny that I watch it. At times, it is a tool to keep me grounded. Other times it is just pointless to watch. My willpower is strong enough to go without such trivial aspects of life, but I can’t avoid my human nature to watch complete strangers go at it like Bonobo monkeys.

Aside from this diatribe I've just logged, the world is hurtling towards war. I could care less, since Death is a universal constant, and will claim lives with or without the help of his fellow comrade of the Apocalypse, War. Actually, I wouldn't mind a war, even if I were an 'unfortunate' casualty of it. War will just thin out some of the world's population; always an exciting prospect. With Death so near to all of us, I can't help but think, "What would Ron Jeremy do?" Shag as many women as possible. Now THAT is an uplifting idea in such a somber time.