Monday, March 31, 2003

well, i'm back. back to the old blog like a crack whore to the blow dealing pimp daddy. giving head just to get through the withdrawals. yes, i relish in the use of disgusting analogies. the real reason of my return to blogspot space is because sub-central is currently down for reasons unknown to me.

lets move things...forward, as that pitiful brit rapper-wannabe says in that song. ugh. uhm yeah.
well, it seems my mind state is starting to focus on my long term goals and shit. namely, getting out of Sacramento and into a school in southern California. since i have no chance of making it into a UC, i figured i can settle and try and get into a CSU. when Ryan or whoever it was said that Veteran's Affairs doesn't cover private college tuition, i simply decided FUCK THAT against going to Cogswell or any technical school. besides, their tuition is far more expensive than that of a state school. i try to do everything i can to alleviate any financial hardship on my parents. but they seem to endure through all that.
my current choices are falling between CSU San Marcos (somewhere north of San Diego), and San Diego State University. I don't think i'll go for SDSU, seeing as how my cousin Jaclyn went there and promptly returned within the semster. so San Marcos it is. sounds like a nice little town. anything than this little town. but i digress.

starting to scout around, searching for the things i'll need when i finally break loose from the 'womb' and try to make it on my own. that Ford Focus doesn't seem any closer, but thats not a big deal. i'm mostly concerned about whether i should buy a digital camera or DV camcorder that has digital still imaging. i'd definitely save money, but sacrifice portability. decisions, decisions. basically, i'm trying to center my solo life around the use of hi-tech tools, with my iBook as the hub to bind it all together. the digital lifestyle, as Apple puts it. fitting, i think.
oh yeah, i believe my major will be illustration, or multimedia/web design. anything that'll allow me to free the creative thoughts i've imprisoned. i'll most likely choose the multimeda path to enlightenment.
at the same time that i am planning my emancipation, i'm also thinking of all these luxuries i can install into my current environment, including studio lights and an art desk. and i have this wacky idea of buying a projector and hooking it up to my laptop so i could watch movies projected onto my wall or some kind of screen i'll install into the ceiling. its pretty wild. you should see the setup i want to use if i were to put an in-room theater system to work. i'm also contemplating networking my macs to the new pc downstairs. so much work to do.

and how do i plan to pay for such lavish add-ons? hell if i know. but i plan to get a job at the apple store opening at arden fair mall. it's destiny, i say. well, not really. you see, such a lucrative job has its ups and downs. for one, its in arden, thats quite the commute. just as bad as as commuting to my current job. but its the mall, plenty of reason to be there anyway. but...i'd potentially be working in the same area as Claudia, not someone i would hope to bump into every so often. things are bad enough as they are, but seeing her every day i work? shit. another cool thing is that the bulk of the Starbucks in Sacramento that are wirelessly connected to the Internet are downtown and in the arden area, so i have plenty of places to retreat to if i need a quick net fix.
so, i've got to get started on looking for a job, like now. work at FTB will probably end in May, unless i quit before that. thats a nice idea. wouldn't want to get fired like the other job. ugh, i'm still disgusted by the thought of the racquet club.

i have made the decision to never tell any of my friends about my current romantic affairs, or lack thereof. theres always some kind of confusion that leads to poorly formulated hypotheses. assumption is the mind killer... or is that fear? definitely assumption. well, the exception to whom i would share such things would be Big Jon, since i've known him longer and can depend on him to keep it to himself. besides, he doesn't kick it with our circle very often, so the confusion is minimal. the most i'll do is probably hint at some goings-on, but nothing more. y'all are too stupid to comprehend, but i love ya anyway.

i think i'll start drifting away from socializing with friends and folks, since their presence is usually a deterrent to whatever i need to get done. sure, i'll make time to hang out with friends and girls, but less than usual. need time to structure the rest of my college life so i can actually graduate before i'm 24 or something. if my social life suffers, so be it. besides, 'socializing' with my current circle of friends isn't what it used to be, and that realization is starting to set in and is highly embittering. the glossy sheen on life's exterior is starting to fade and depreciate in value. damn, i'm starting to sound emo again. crap. i hope this jaded side of me isn't rubbing off on the ladies, i mean lady, i mean...yeah. nothing. holy shit, i think it is. i better quit this before i grab my guitar and start playing in an ear-splitting reverie of angst towards the opposite sex and disillusionment of life.

"...found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful day...."
-The Used

until optica goes back online, you'll catch me here.

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