Saturday, February 21, 2004


a full detailed account to be reported soon.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Seems just about right
Dead-end theories of things I love to hate
There's nothing like seeing your face, your smile, on a daily basis.
Hell, if I saw you once in a year, that feeling will not have been erased.
When you give me that look, however brief or protracted, I am simultaneously destroyed and rebuilt.
It's a sin what I think of you sometimes, but I can seriously live with that guilt.

In my mind's eye, I can remember every detail, the minute features that make you what you are and unique.
I'm a devil, you're an angel, it's chaotic cacophony when I think, melodic symphony when you speak.

There's nothing about you that I don't love, but it's what I become that I hate.
A walking catastrophe, absent-minded, my thoughts register too little, too late.

What is this that you've done to me? What voodo did you do, did you do?

My waking moments are filled with images of you constantly.
Ambiguity is the rule to the way that we play this game.
Lucidity is what I want, and it's that fact that's the real shame.

Existence is vapid and shallow at this lowest of lows, and my hopes are rapid and fleeting like death throes.
FUCK the doubt, fuck the dark history, fuck friendship and it's benefits and gains.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Valentines didn't turn out as uneventful as I thought. I ended up rolling out to Dobhie's house, since that's where most of the adults went to gamble. They had an ample supply of food to eat, which was good enough to keep me occupied. The cool part was that I was able to drive my dad over there in the MERCEDES. Hell yeah. Geno and Dobhie were there that night, and they told me that there was actually something to do on Friday night. Too bad my phone had died early on Friday, and I was unable to give him a call about it.

Hm. So Sunday has shaped up to be another surprising day in a string of days that have...well, surprised me. Went to church, big woop. BUT, being at church is always something to look forward, if only to spy on the really hot girls that go there. But this Sunday took the fuckin cake when it comes to a church day that has THE HOTNESS. For one, I spotted a cute girl that's also my classmate. Rad.
And the offering is about to moved up to the priest at the altar, I see HER. (I'm sorry if I'm starting to confuse you readers with my many references to a "HER") This is not the same girl as I have ranted about before, this is the long standing Crush of all Crushes, dating back from AT LEAST 8th grade back in Samuel Jackman Middle School.
Ok, so she is bringing up the offering, and I could barely comprehend the moment, as I was sincerely DUMBFOUNDED by seeing her here, of all days, of all places, of all times.
I picked up my jaw and reinserted it with my mouth, and quickly shook the dumbfoundedness off. This girl is the queen supreme of my dreams, she physically and personally blends the best things I like. As she walked past my aisle to return to her pew, I kind of give a quick glance up, but just as quickly duck low so that maybe she doesn't see me as she walks within a mere two feet of my position.
Church mass ends, and I make my way out, hoping to get home as quickly as possible to shake off the feeling of just SEEING HER. You see, I have been communicating with this girl recently by way of Friendster. And even through this rudimentary form, I can still sense how rad she is after all these years. Sadly, I'm still too pussy to even TRY to get a number or a more personal way of talking to her. Actually, I'm just hoping that one day soon, I will genuinely bump into her somewhere out there, and we will have a grand conversation in which I can gain her number in a worthy fashion.
But anyway, I wait outside for the rest of my family to filter out, and this girl has already gotten in her car and is leaving the parking lot. My dad is right behind her car in our mercedes, and I look towards him, but catch her eye. She gives me a quick wave and that beautiful smile, and I return it. My existence has temporarily been validated.
Enough of that.

After the hub-bub of church, I was finally able to get to the important work at hand: designing websites. So far, I've just about finished respark's main site. For now, this page will be every visitor's welcome, with more content to be added as I figure it out what to add.

Somewhere during the day, Elissa gave me a ring to tell me that she, along with her sister Arlene, are to stop by my place. Arlene had a research paper to work on which involved my participation in a survey. Cool enough.

Later during the night, I got a call from Jun, telling me the things I've been waiting for since Friday. He scored me two things I requested of him. PROPS homeboy.

Now, I'm once again neglecting webdesign work, and randomly lollygagging online with my peers, one of whom I'm giving some pointers when it comes to sequential art. Yay. Too bad some of the key people I'd hope to be online right now AREN'T on. WAY too many people leave their away messages up.