Thursday, March 11, 2004

So I want to register to vote. My former 'independent thinker' values have been shot to shit.
What am I to do!? I'm a punk rockstar at heart, but now I'm going all soft and corporate. What. The. Fuck. All my seething enmity for the System, gone. My paranoia of "the Man" and "Big Brother" one step behind me, and now I want to go straight to the horse and stick my HAND down it's mouth. Genious.

It's weird how i go through these retarded phases of "I know what I want out of life, I know what the next step must be" and then "I've lost my way, and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in life." I'm in a funk similar to the latter. And nothings going to make it any better with the sordid girl 'problems' I slog through.

So, from now on, take my advice and shit-bricks of wisdom with precaution and apprehension; I officially don't know what the FUCK I'm saying half the time. Also, I will be turning off my "I give a damn" sensors for the most part, unless of course I'm actually telling you, "yes, I give a damn." Think of it as a LOOONNG reboot for my brain, because I need to figure shit out one step at a time. Although, time is running out.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Leo called me tonight and mentioned the chance of me getting a job at Albertson's with him. AWESOME. Two jobs at once, righteous. If i can figure out this situation, and somewhow have both, I might be on my way to moving out. Or something. Let's hope and pray.

This Tuesday rocked, barely school to contest with, and a night-cap of kicking it with the usual crowd, knocking back some drinks. Now I can survive this week with confidence.

On a highly unrelated note, I'm trying to give up beef for the rest of Lent (and hopefully the rest of the year), seeing as how I failed to quit smoking for the mean-time. And besides, I like chicken. YUM.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

The Abnormal Swing of Things

I woke up at 8 am to drop off my younger sister and cousin off to school, and promptly shuffled my half-conscious ass back to bed. In the three odd hours of sleep I caught, I had possibly the BEST dream in a while. It is in these few hours on Tuesday and Thursday mornings that I seem to formulate the most enriching dream sequences. But this morning, all the lovey-dovey-perfect-world dreams were TOPPED. This latest dream involved Ms. #1, in what seemed like the beginnings of a playful friendship. ALMOST along the lines of "My Perfect Love Story" (6/23/2003). Which made the dream THAT much more compelling.
It was a party at my house, where I played host and party-goer, introducing friends and getting mad buzzed. Co-workers and friends alike mingled in a swirl of liquor and laughter. And then.
The party comes to a dead halt, as the one person walks in that becomes the center of the moment. HER (#1). She's arrived, although I have no idea whether I had invited her, with a cadre of her friends. Her group easily homogenizes with the party, and the house livens. I say hi, and she smiles and we exchange small talk briefly. Then, something happens, a drunken participant spills their cup on me, soaking me in beer. It's ok, I'm drunk, shit happens. I walk into my room, and it has been invaded with a small party on it's own. Oddly, I'm pleased, but the slight crowd makes it a bit difficult for me to get to my dresser drawer to find new clothes. I stumble on and around those hanging out in my room, and finally make it to the dresser. I open a drawer, and look to my left to see HER sitting on the floor. Everyone in the room now notices that beer was spilled on me, and several of them leave the room to give me space to change clothes. Oddly, the JayZ/Pharrell song plays in the background at this moment. As I rifle through my clothes for a fresh shirt, she's still sitting on the floor next to me. We converse, from small talk to gossip. I delay switching shirts, and decide to sit down next to her and talk some more. At this point, the brilliant soul of hers shines through, as we laugh and share a moment of slightly-inebriated happiness. I stand up, and pull her off the ground and for a quick moment she is in my arms. Feeling awkward, we seperate quickly. I turn around and hurriedly change shirts. She makes fun of me, saying that I'm scared to change in front of a girl, and pokes me in the side. As I pull my shirt down, I turn around and smile. I playfully poke her back, returning the favor. We begin to lightly rough-house, from pokes to tickles, and laugh drunkenly. We realize suddenly that we're the only ones in my room. DEJA fuckin VU. We sit down on my bed, and I begin to gather myself together to tell her that which I've bottled up for years.

I wake up realizing that I'm late for class.

I walked into class today to find that our study groups had formed, and all we had to do for the day was review material for Thursdays midterm. We were free to leave whenever we wanted. My group adjourns 45 minutes before class normally ends, and I wander the campus to ponder things. Eventually, I decide not to leave campus to run errands, and I run into Elissa in the music/arts wing. I talk to her for a few minutes, as well as Ryan on the phone with her. I walk with her back to the reading/writing lab, and make my way to my history class. One hour and 15 minutes later, I give Dave a lift home, and finally return home. Now, the night is up in the air, and the sky seems to be the limit. ROCK ON.

Sunday, March 07, 2004


Today was good, this is true. Although everyday is not without it's regular routines of being slaved, today was still good. Went to church, didnt really give a damn, so I rocked what i wore yesterday as well as my glasses. No one to impress, nor do I expect to impress anyone anytime soon. Finished up chores, including mowing the lawn. The weather is finally shifting to the sweet sweet air of spring. I wore shorts today, a sign of this change. We were out of petro for the mower, so I had to drive out to the nearest gas station and buy it myself. No big deal. After getting some gas, I dropped by Jen's place, only to catch her on her way off to work. However, I really dropped by Jen's to see how Rob was doing from last night's spree of liquor consumption. Needless to say, ol' boy was quite hung-over. Kicked it for a bit with him, smoked a 'square,' rolled on home. Finished mowing, and got word from Rob that he didn't need a ride home. Instead, Pat drops me a message online, asking if I'd bring him to Adam's to pick something up. Sure thing, bucko. I swoop up Pat, and we cruise out to Adams. Spent a good 20 or so minutes, smoked a bit more, chit-chatted until sundown. I drop Pat off, then get home to eat some dinner. And now... I'm actualyl doing art! HOLY shit. Page one of an intended 24 page comic.
Game Over

This night was going soooo well, too. REWIND:
Woke up late, gave my baby (my car) a wash. Felt good. This bitch was ready to go cruise tonight.
Got in touch with several folks that afternoon, getting the word about the parties going down that night. I hurried and did whatever chores I had to do to appease the parental units, built credit to buy a night out. I hurried to finish some "extracurriculars", and proceeded to Kinko's and get them printed by way of Amador's graces. Alex met up with me at Kinko's, the first of the crew to roll in tonight's party wagon. Jaime gives me a ring, telling me he's in Natomas, so we wait him out until he get's home. I drop off my work to my cousin Junior, and head back to my house so Alex can drop off his car. We pick up Jaime, the second of the usual suspects. After a bit of deliberation, we drop by Robert's house, to try and add him to the wagon or determine how things are going to go down tonight. Robert calls up Jen's work, so we can figure out whether we can grab her and head to a party or two. So we make our way to where Jen works, pick her up, and then drop by the gas station and Winco. We buy smokes, Jaime buys Rob a bottle of Jagermeister. The PARTY is ready to roll.
First party, David Kincannon's going away party (he's going into the Navy). Alex and I prophesize that this party will be nothing but yet another sausagefest. I get us lost in the Vintage Park area. Fuck Elk Grove. We finally roll up to the right place and enter. Lo and behold, the crowd there is nearly a 1:1 ratio of girl and guy. Not to mention I see a couple of old friends, namely Shawn Thompson and Rachel Guitierrez (sp?). It's a cool couple of minutes we spend at David's party, but we're itching to hit up the next venue. Next place to drop by for the night: Jasmine's.
We leave David's party, got lost some more in Vintage Park. ELK GROVE WILL BURNNN. The wagon's rolling pretty deep with Alex, Jaime, Rob, Jen, and I. Alex forgot to hit the bathroom before we left...this is the crucial event that shifts the night's conclusion (for me at least). We return to my house so Alex can pick up his car and head either home or to Jasmines. He needed to take a piss real bad, so I open the garage and let him in to use the potty. To my surprise, the mercedes is in the garage...meaning my family is still home. REJECTION. I can't go out as I hoped, now that I've shown my face in the house. It's 1 am, my mom concludes, I can't go out anymore. My night has officially met it's end. So Rob, Jen, and Jaime have to transfer over to Alex's car, or not go at all. Of course they have to go, they have no reason not to. Alas, I am home-ridden, my credits have run out.
After a heartfelt departure with my would-be party mates, I proceed home with my head and heart hung low.

I suppose theres a balance here somewhere, seeing as how my older sister, Cheryl, has gone out of town to party with the girl cousins. Where one sibling can stay out, the other must stay home. And don't even get me started on my younger sister; that's a whole different matter.

So, to those that got to party at Jasmine's with Kiel, Adam, Pat, and whomever got to roll through: PARTY HARD FOR ME. I can't be redeemed now, the EMO has taken me in it's dark grasp. Sigh.