whaaaaaat?!??

so.

APE was the rockingest. Of course it doesn't top SDCC, right? No matter, this weekend so far has been chaotic, to say the least.

The night before the big-bad APE, a lot of HECTIC things went down, capped I by a late night visit to Rob's place, complete with a stealth escape from Frank (a.k.a. Orlando). The usual suspects were present, Jasmine/Kiel, Jamie, Jen (plus her co-worker Melissa), Ale Elexa, Rob, Nick, Savage, and Pat. Fun times, from plans getting scheduled and re-scheduled on the fly, to wildness at the Davidson's. First, Van, Jaime, and I went out to a suck-ass 'Mexican' restaurant. It's called Vientos, don't go there. Afterward, we played a bit of phone-tag with Ryan and Ron, resulting in us (Van+Jaime+me) heading back to my place and later meeting up with Ron + Ryan + Orlando + Sherly at Urban Cafe. We chilled outside; the first of Jaime's cigars are blazed. Afterward, Ron + Van + Jaime + Ron roll out to Borders' shopping plaza, to chill in front of Aloha Sushi. In time, we see Cindy pop out of Borders with some of her friends, after which we shoot the breeze with her. Eventually, the four of us are on the way home, which turned out to be only half the night (and it was only midnight). When I get home, I'm told there's a little kickback at Rob's. SWEET. Although I thought Jaime didn't want to go, I learn that he does go out, and I, fresh out of the shower, rush my ass over to chilllll. Frank took over that night and snuck out to live it up as well. I get home at well past 3 am.

The next morning, was the quasi-unexpected trip to APE. I awoke to the sounds of rocks thrown at my window at a good 9:30am. Ryan and Jaime have come to pick me up to head out to San Fran. BODACIOUS. So we head out, after a oil-change and gas-up. We truck it to Hilltop, and stop to get lunch. Three McChickens, please...capitalist slave! We finally make it to the Bay City, luckily surviving the trek up the foothills. APE was a blast, saw some cool indy talents, Jaime drank a gin & tonic at 3pm, I met BECKY CLOONAN, the Jet Rag monkey cats, Amador, the guys behind Hamburger Eyes, Jim Mahfood, and random other indy consters. I managed to walk away with Demo #1-4, a large print of Becky's work, a DEMO patch, and a pin-up & movie poster of Hellboy. RADICAL. After parting ways with the hairy APE at about 5pm (and that really hot girl that walked around the con), the boys were back in town. Ryan, Jaime, and I, met up with "Frank" for a meal at TK at around 7. Num-num. We split ways with Ryan, and Frank, Jaime & I try to make it to Skip's to buy a guitar. No go. With no options left for now, we return to my place, only to find I am locked out. An hour or so later, my sister shows up to open the garage so we can get in. With much deliberation over trying to head out to Henry's for a party/kickback, we instead make our way back to Robert's once more. Once again, the same cool-kid crowd have met up, but this time, I AM PREPARED. With my camera within access, I was able to capture randomly great moments. From the gratuitous booty shots, to the embarrasing shots of me in an "elevated" state of mind, the BLACKMAIL is prime. Although Frank and Jaime left early, the fun kept rolling, until I decided to leave at 3am. Unfortunately, I'm most likely missing much more.

P.S.: we forgot to bring Alex to APE! D'oh!

P.P.S.: I'm flying! WOOOOO! ok, gnite.

APE was BANANAS

a full detailed account to be reported soon.

Seems just about right
Dead-end theories of things I love to hate
There's nothing like seeing your face, your smile, on a daily basis.
Hell, if I saw you once in a year, that feeling will not have been erased.
When you give me that look, however brief or protracted, I am simultaneously destroyed and rebuilt.
It's a sin what I think of you sometimes, but I can seriously live with that guilt.

In my mind's eye, I can remember every detail, the minute features that make you what you are and unique.
I'm a devil, you're an angel, it's chaotic cacophony when I think, melodic symphony when you speak.

There's nothing about you that I don't love, but it's what I become that I hate.
A walking catastrophe, absent-minded, my thoughts register too little, too late.

What is this that you've done to me? What voodo did you do, did you do?

My waking moments are filled with images of you constantly.
Ambiguity is the rule to the way that we play this game.
Lucidity is what I want, and it's that fact that's the real shame.

Existence is vapid and shallow at this lowest of lows, and my hopes are rapid and fleeting like death throes.
FUCK the doubt, fuck the dark history, fuck friendship and it's benefits and gains.
I AM THE BULLET, YOU ARE THE TRIGGER, POINT THE BARREL AT MY HEAD AND BLOW OUT MY BRAINS.

Valentines didn't turn out as uneventful as I thought. I ended up rolling out to Dobhie's house, since that's where most of the adults went to gamble. They had an ample supply of food to eat, which was good enough to keep me occupied. The cool part was that I was able to drive my dad over there in the MERCEDES. Hell yeah. Geno and Dobhie were there that night, and they told me that there was actually something to do on Friday night. Too bad my phone had died early on Friday, and I was unable to give him a call about it.

Hm. So Sunday has shaped up to be another surprising day in a string of days that have...well, surprised me. Went to church, big woop. BUT, being at church is always something to look forward, if only to spy on the really hot girls that go there. But this Sunday took the fuckin cake when it comes to a church day that has THE HOTNESS. For one, I spotted a cute girl that's also my classmate. Rad.
And then...as the offering is about to moved up to the priest at the altar, I see HER. (I'm sorry if I'm starting to confuse you readers with my many references to a "HER") This is not the same girl as I have ranted about before, this is the long standing Crush of all Crushes, dating back from AT LEAST 8th grade back in Samuel Jackman Middle School.
Ok, so she is bringing up the offering, and I could barely comprehend the moment, as I was sincerely DUMBFOUNDED by seeing her here, of all days, of all places, of all times.
I picked up my jaw and reinserted it with my mouth, and quickly shook the dumbfoundedness off. This girl is the queen supreme of my dreams, she physically and personally blends the best things I like. As she walked past my aisle to return to her pew, I kind of give a quick glance up, but just as quickly duck low so that maybe she doesn't see me as she walks within a mere two feet of my position.
Church mass ends, and I make my way out, hoping to get home as quickly as possible to shake off the feeling of just SEEING HER. You see, I have been communicating with this girl recently by way of Friendster. And even through this rudimentary form, I can still sense how rad she is after all these years. Sadly, I'm still too pussy to even TRY to get a number or a more personal way of talking to her. Actually, I'm just hoping that one day soon, I will genuinely bump into her somewhere out there, and we will have a grand conversation in which I can gain her number in a worthy fashion.
But anyway, I wait outside for the rest of my family to filter out, and this girl has already gotten in her car and is leaving the parking lot. My dad is right behind her car in our mercedes, and I look towards him, but catch her eye. She gives me a quick wave and that beautiful smile, and I return it. My existence has temporarily been validated.
Enough of that.

After the hub-bub of church, I was finally able to get to the important work at hand: designing websites. So far, I've just about finished respark's main site. For now, this page will be every visitor's welcome, with more content to be added as I figure it out what to add.

Somewhere during the day, Elissa gave me a ring to tell me that she, along with her sister Arlene, are to stop by my place. Arlene had a research paper to work on which involved my participation in a survey. Cool enough.

Later during the night, I got a call from Jun, telling me the things I've been waiting for since Friday. He scored me two things I requested of him. PROPS homeboy.

Now, I'm once again neglecting webdesign work, and randomly lollygagging online with my peers, one of whom I'm giving some pointers when it comes to sequential art. Yay. Too bad some of the key people I'd hope to be online right now AREN'T on. WAY too many people leave their away messages up.

Happy Valentines Day, fuckers

So this is the infamous day, and I have successfully dodged the possibilities of my further humiliation. One year ago, I went out on a date with the girl I thought could be THE ONE, or at least, THE ONE until I actually found the real deal holyfield. All was well with the date, until I did something that forever changed the course of that night and our relationship. I broke my 6 CD changer. This event led to all kinds of fucked up shit, from her ex-boyfriend joining us on that date to me eventually not wanting to see her for a while, and then her randomly showing up and resparking a retardedly doomed thing. BAH.

This year, I saw the omens far ahead of time, I knew what I could do and what I HAD TO DO. As far back as before the cabin-trip, I knew I was recklessly hurtling to this day: Valentine's Day. I even referred to this day many blogger entries ago, that in the struggle of love between man and woman, Valentines Day was the inevitable D-Day for the war's turning point.
The difference in this year was even more clear as the V-Day approached. Thursday was a good day, TOO good a day. It was our official end of the week, as my school had Friday and the coming Monday marked as holidays. That night, there was a party/BBQ at Jen's house, where it was essentially the usual crowd, dominantly male and mostly single. Alex was already feeling the grasp of Valentines dark side, where the depression of singlehood can feel like there is no bottom. I was at that edge with him, but at the same time stradling the opposite side: risking my dignity and actually going on a date with a girl who's I'm starting to see as a representation of THE ONE. But Thursday was the HIGH point of this horrible period of time. Friday would come to be the nail in the coffin.
For once, the old gang was almost fully assembled: Ryan was driver, Orlando/Frank had come out of hiding, Jaime was the legal representative, and Alex and I were there for the ride...or I thought. Alex was still in the throes of sickness, but came along with us; I had hoped his addition to the party mobile would prove this Friday to be a great night to be out. FUCK, were we wrong. As we strolled into the downtown maze, all was quiet, eerily quiet. Infusion, a new cafe that opened up a few weeks back, was desolate. We tried getting in touch with friends who could point us to a fun thing to do: no dice. We dropped by Hollywood Video to see Nolan, still no idea what to do. We headed back to my house to re-coup. Nothing. So we end up getting a call from Nolan on his way out of work. We chill in the shopping plaza parking lot, still coming up with a plan of action on this, yet ANOTHER "Fun Friday." It seemed the entire city had slept for that night.
Finally, the option was taken to go to Mr. Perry's to have a late snack and hang-out. Lo and behold, Perry's was the busiest place this night.
Luckily, Mr. Chris Lee was there to surprise us with his presence, and we ended up just hanging out shooting the breeze from that point on.

And now, it is Saturday, St. Valentine's day. It's 6:40, and I am doing nothing. Have I succeeded in evading a possible replay of last year? Or have I failed to drive myself out of this rut? Maybe I'll figure that out in the coming days.

FUCKSHITASSFUUUUCK

I just checked my bank account online, and I've got the bill for buying respark.net... $333.60. HOLYSHIT. Help, anyone?

Hahaha, don't worry about it. I've got a meager amount of savings in there, which means I'll be throwing in the minimum for a while. Until I get a job, that is. If not... I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED UP THE ASS.

So, the belt is going to have to be tightened from here on out, every penny pinched. Whatever pitance I get will go straight to the bank, to keep me afloat above the dark depths of Davy Jones' locker of bad credit rating.

On the bright side, my risky venture has some signs of worth, as I think I was able to recruit (with the immense help of Travis/Diabolicol) this talented mofo that goes by the alias Fel.
Also, my mentor and hero Wil (dub317) has resurfaced, with a new site in the works. We had a pretty cool convo goin on tonight, in which he urged me to make a photoshop tutorial for him. Imagine that, my old mentor is asking me to teach him a thing or two. That's crazy.

But eh, the dreaded Valentines is fast approaching, and I'm out of viable options to consciously dodge that night. Will I cave and ask this certain girl out? Or will I stay ice cold and try to find a party to drown away the memory of last year's horrible date? (Please refer to blog entry 2/09/2003-2/15/2003)
I sure as hell can't try to go spend-crazy this time around.

I should really get off this before I forget about the many projects I've got to get out of the way. Ta-ta.

We come with the boom to bring you your doom

RESPARK the fuse

Ho-ly shit. I was 'lucky' enough to bump into HER on my tardy way to class this morning. I was somewhat jittery, but I can attribute that to the fact that it was quite cold at the time. But yeah, we exchanged a bit of small talk, glad that she recognized me. well, its not like it was hard to do so, since I gave her a surprised look and slightly exclaimed, "Oh hey! It's you." Smooth man, real smooth. anyway. SHE TOTALLY ROCKS MY WORLD. except I have NOFUCKINCHANCE at her. it's okay, everyone is entitled to their dream.

Speaking of dreams, when I got home, I took a mid-day nap, because I had nothing better to do (and I was waiting for the DNS to finally load my goddamned account). Within the nap I had, was probably one of the oddest vibed dreams I've had in recent memory. It was winter in the mountains, possibly the next cabin trip with the friends. The same crowd was present, plus Alex. In one moment, I am happily enjoying the outdoors with 'the girl,' (not the same one mentioned earlier in this post) when I ultimately foul up the blissfulness of our time together. I think we were lightly rough-housing, when she pushes me back a bit. I push her back, and taunt her to come at me. She does so, with this angelic smile on her face. Instead, I actually let her playfully pounce on me, but I counter her momentum and viciously toss her aside. I smiled briefly, with all the childish whim of a school-yard bully. She, rising slowly from the ground, flashes me this glance of pure hatred and dispondent loathing. I realize the stupidity of what I had just done, but it was too late. She got up, wiped the tears forming from those beautiful big eyes of hers, and runs off back to the cabin. I try to chase, but she's ahead of me and inside. When I reach the cabin, I ask my cabin-mates where she's gone, but all they tell me is that she came in and ran outside through another door, crying. FUCK!
I catch up to her outside, where shes leaning against the wall, with her back to me. I try to approach quietly, and slowly whisper her name, trying to show that I'm truly and deeply sorry. She's still crying, and tells me to go away (or rather, to "Fuck Off"). I come closer, and put my hand on her back, rubbing it, to give her a sense of assurance of my genuine intentions. She gives me a slight glance, but still won't accept my presence. I grab both of her shoulders and try to turn her towards me, to face me and look me square in the eyes. TO UNDERSTAND THAT I CARE AND HOW MUCH I WANT TO REGAIN HER TRUST AND FORGIVENESS. I try to explain, with all kinds of worthless excuses, and she quiets them all when she tells me, "You really hurt me, I never expected you to hurt me." CRAP. I start sputtering how much I care and that I'd never intentionally hurt her, and I can see that her coldness is starting to soften. Somewhere in my stammering, I must have slipped in the forbidden words of "I," "Love," and/or "You." At that point, I am essentially professing my hidden love for her. She now knows this.
A voice from inside the cabin calls out, and my attention is divided for a fraction of a moment. But in that slight frame of time, something happens that even my own mind (which created the dream) could not understand. My head is turned towards the door I left open, but she grabs my face and pulls me in close. Her lips, those insatiable lips, closes in on mine, and in an instant she is kissing me. I am stunned momentarily, but it does not take me long to realize that THIS is what I've always wanted. We're kissing, and it feels better than anything I could imagine in real or fantasy. And then it stops.
More people are calling out for us, and possibly looking for me or her. We look towards the sound of their voices, hesitant that they might come upon this moment. Instead, I lift my hand towards hers, assuring her that it's ok, fuck what they think. I tell her, "don't worry about them." We kiss once more, and then...
DAMMIT, I wake up.

FUCKFUCKSHITFUCK.

Wild Nights

Friday may have been just another lame Friday for some, and in truth, it could have very well been one for me. Rather, my Friday was spent in an old 'past-time' that me my group of friends enjoy: REVELRY. That night was host to a party of such harrowing magnitude that has not been seen since the week-long fun-fest of this year's cabin trip. Think of it this way, the only person that WASN'T intoxicated in any way was NOLAN. That, my friends, is saying alot, as he did not even partake of the "chief" as Alex puts it (and oddly, he's the ONLY one I know who puts it that way). It started off with a few phone calls the day before, giving me word that Diana was hosting Cindy's 21st birthday at her place. Within minutes of me being told about it from the lady herself, I was semi-bombarded with queries from a couple of people about the party. I am not one to start or instigate drama, but somehow, I knew I would be in the fuckin THICK of it by attending. Lo and behold, I was the agent of such dramatics that I am somewhat regretting my actions.
Okay, Friday night, I meet up with Alex at his apartment, looking to kill some time before the scheduled 11pm party start. After a few minutes of deliberation, we could not find anything action-packed enough to sate our boredom. It seemed like our night would replay into another one of those "Fun" Fridays. Already, we're heading towards the inevitable insanity that was to come. He and I stop by Adam's place, to chill and get our slack on. We grab a six-pack of Sierra to spark the early buzz and play eighty or so games of Tekken. Before we know it, 11PM is rolling by, and it is nearly time that the party is to start. And so the quandary becomes clear: Will Adam go to Cindy's party with us? OHSHIT, that would be CRAZY. For those not in the general know, Adam and Cindy were together for quite a bit a while back. I would not say they are on the best footing with one another. The possibility is considered, and Alex and I urge Adam to attend, with the most malicious of grins on us. Essentially, we thought we could at least score some shock-value, as in, "Holy shit, Adam is here!" Instead, I chose to forego the 'surprise' guest appearance of Adam, and minded the sentiments of Diana and Cindy. I give Dee a call, asking if I could speak to Cindy. Being the 'insider' that I am, I would use my standing as being good friends of both Diana and Cindy to work the situation to our advantage. Knowing that Cindy was questioning inviting Adam in the first place, I knew that she could not refuse, on this the day of her birthday. BIMBAM, she says yes, after hesitantly asking Diana if it's ok.
SCORE! I have just bought Adam a ticket into a party we knew would be crazy. It was the beginning of the semester, parties aren't exactly abundant around here, so anything we would come across was guaranteed to be unique in it's own way.
And so it was. Although I stopped at around "Round 2," I remember that the others got to at least "Round 5." Diana's balcony was once again home to the smokers of the party, which comprised of more than half the kids there. Roberta and her brother Eli were there, as well as Jen, Rob, Nick, and Pat. Jaime rolled with Ron, and Jasmine & Kiel were present as well. A friend or two of Diana's made late appearances, and Nolan came right after his shift ended at work. As usual, Eli provided the veteran experience of concocting drinks, while the rest of the kids lounged about getting increasingly inebriated with each passing hour. At the height of the festivities, almost half the people at this small kick-back were lit, and all but one person was at least buzzed. For a while, Nolan and Jen went AWOL in the direction of the swings, and five of us wandered out to the park looking for those same swings. Nick was the unofficial champion of liquor drinking, as I had not seen him stop once when it came to taking shots. Kiel was quite elevated, but his liquor consumption was fairly low that night, thankfully. Alex was hit pretty badly when it came to the liquor, as he had not drunken this much lately. It also didn't help that his Ms. B. declined his drunken offer to stop by the party. At the peak of the night's drunkeness, the DRAMA that I inadverdently caused had reached an inescapable crescendo. Adam and Cindy were faded at this time, and I had watched them engage in mild small talk, all the signs of amiable conversation. At this point, I spotted something that I knew would happen: they were re-enacting signs of lovey-dovey mushy shit, full-on cuddle/embrace mode. In my mind, the words OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT recycled endlessly. Not many people put too much attention in this, since they were all caught up in their stupors, and what was I supposed to do? I played it cool, hoping that this would not escalate into very loud WHATHEFUCK's. Hell, I had warned Adam of this earlier, and tried to make the point clear. NO HANKYPANKY, this is a casual 'friend-zone' party! Alas, my fear had come to pass, and to top it, Diana walks past them on the couch, and is still coherent enough to finally see this and says with a surly, yet reprimanding voice, "Whats THIS?"
Shiiiiiiit.
All in all, there wasn't any major hitches, Alex didn't get into any fights as he had forewarned, thank heavens. The most concern I had to express over my compatriots was towards Pat, who kept asking people to slap him. He's an odd drunk. By the time 4am rolled by, I was reasonably clear-headed, and Ron was just as sober, as he had stopped drinking at the same round as me. Jaime gave me back my keys, since Ron and I entrusted our keys to him earlier in the night. Nick and Kiel played hockey on Diana's pool table, and unfortunately Dee was at the point that she was either up or out. She was out when they were playing hockey. Alex crashed on the round chair, only to awaken with Jen and Jasmine curled in the couch with him. Much to Pat and Kiel's encouragement/dismay. The party eventually filtered out, and I over-shot my initial plan of getting home by 3am. Oh well, that's the 'party' life. Hah.

HAHAHAHAHHA

wed.feb.04. 5:04:50pm
Auditory therapy
It's been a while since I've been to a decent concert (Hieroglyphics being the last one I really went to), and it hasnt been since summer of 2002 that I actually went to a real rock concert (Warped Tour 2002). Radiostar playing at CRC doesn't really count. Ever since last summer, when I found out about bittorrent, I've sampled a ridiculously insane amount of music genres. A year ago, I wouldn't have half a fuckin clue that %90 of the music I've listened to since then even EXISTED, let alone played good music.
I don't mean to name-drop like OH-SO many "hipster" fucks like to do out in HXC, scenester "indy-land," but I think it's worth mentioning (at least to me, personally) all the bands and performers I've genuinely listened to and seriously enjoyed. And no, not the kind of "oh, I like these guys because it's what the cool kids listen to." Most of the band names the "cool kids" drop are usually lukewarm at best with me.

112
Possibly my most favored R&B group, they've come back after many years of nothing. A must-listen, considering they're GREAT sexin' music.

311
The very beginnings of all things rock for me. I first heard their debut album back in middle school, when a classmate let me borrow the CD. Seeing as how they've endured since I had my first listen, I just had to indulge myself and finally get their From Chaos album.

Aesop Rock
This man is smooth. The lyrical content, the flow patterns, the vocal delivery. One man wrecking crew of the hip-hop world. When he finally catches on with the rest of the deluded fuckers, I'll smile from ear-to-ear as mainstream is shown, "what's really good." Plus, he's white, so fuck Eminem, hahah.

Atmosphere
Another cool emcee, with more of an angsty edge about him. The only album I have of him, God Loves Ugly, deals a lot with romantic rejection and shit. Still pretty cool.

Belle & Sebastian
A scottish indy/folk rock band I keep reading about online. I decided to give them a try and downloaded a bundle of all their EPs combined. Not bad, not bad at all. The vibe coming from them is totally serene and holistic, and has a slight calming effect on me. Good enough!

Blackalicious
South Sac represent! Actually, I've known about these two for a while, it's just that I was able to get a hold of their A to Z EP recently. Gift of Gab is monstrously great.

The Blood Brothers
Gah, I actually have "Rey" to thank for once in my life. I mean, I respect him, but not hanging all over his nuts like the majority tends to do. But whatever, moving on! This band is crazy. Like some kind of primal scream music, where I'm enthralled for an unexplained reason. It's hard to find their music on the net, as I believe that their quite "underground" that rarely will anyone have a complete discography. Which explains why my compilation is highly incomplete. From what I've heard so far, Burn, Piano Island, Burn and March On! Electric Children rock me hard. "Siamese Gun," and "Cecilia and the Silhouette Saloon" are tracks I find myself singing to uncontrollably.

Brand New
Oh shit, this is THE band. Not quite "underground," not quite "mainstream," this is the sound that made me love punk rock again. Deja Entendu is a solid album, but it's Your Favorite Weapon that got me hooked. I'm just missing one song from their Safety In Numbers split LP. "Mix Tape" is actually starting to sound awesome to me lately.

The Clash
I suck, but they DEFINITELY do not. I think you deserve to kick me in the face for being a true punk-rock poseur by not having listened to The Clash earlier.

Cursive
I liked Domestica most, and generally a hodgepodge of selections from Ugly Organ, Storms of Early Summer, Such Blinding Stars for Starving Eyes, and Burst and Bloom. Have yet to fully hear The Disruption EP and the 8 Teeth to Eat You split LP. This Saddle Creek band has probably been the mainstay of my playlist ever since I caught on to them via Ryan of defuser, whereas I will generally burn a CD or send my iPod and wipe its presence from my hard drive. "The Night I Lost the Will to Fight" and "Art Is Hard" are particular favorites. I titled an English 301 essay after the song "The Game of Who Needs Who the Worst." Heh. I'm not particularly fond of their Saddle Creek counterpart, Bright Eyes, though. I don't really see what other people like about them. That voice, man, that voice. I'd rather listen to a bitch-made crooner like Chris Carraba than Conor Oberst. Personal pref, don't hate.

Dead Prez
I want to be a militant black panther because of their Let's Get Free album. Too late now, I should have bought this album years ago.

Death Cab For Cutie
Whoa. So I said I couldn't stand Bright Eyes' vocals, but somehow Death Cab's vocalist gets to me in a good way. Which explains why I dig The Postal Service as well. From their latest album, I like "Passenger Seat" most, for personal reaons.
Death Cab's other albums are really good as well, and I'm especially liking the sound of You Can Play These Songs With Chords!

The December Drive
Actually, they kind of suck. I like one track O.K., but the rest doesn't jibe well with me (yes, I said JIBE). Well, it's not as bad as listening to Against Me! and that new album As The Eternal Cowboy. That was weird, Jaime even attests to it. Unless I downloaded the wrong album...? But yeah, December Drive is pretty whack, but still a lesson in music sampling.

Deltron3030
I'm slow on music, and I hate myself for never grasping the greatness of this album. I need to upgrade my grey matter.

Electric Six
Where have you been all my life? These guys are crazy-badass. All their songs are highly danceable, like the disco version of Hot Hot Heat. VERY good. Their album Fire is the hotness to the max. I'm glad this kid, Devin, mentioned them. And I think they're playing at COACHELLA!$*#. HOTDAMN!*%@

God Speed You! Black Emperor
Another great blend of rock stylings and another music genre. Something like an experimental fusion of symphonic sound with that "indy" rock edge. And there's no vocals, so it's perfect soundtrack music for meditation and shit. GENIUS. There are more albums in their repertoire, but I was only able to listen to Yanqui U.X.O. I have no idea what the album title even means. I think Bobby recommended this band once. Danke!

GORILLAZ
Old school, I know, but I was finally able to listen to their whole album. M1-A1!

HIM
His Infernal Majesty, a cool Finnish rock band. They've got this hard rock sound to them, but in fact, their album Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights is really about sappy love. Which is good. Their symbol is the heartagram, a great perversion of the pentagram. Their kind of music is dubbed, "Love Metal." Hah, awesome. These guys are great, reminds me of 80's hair bands and their monster ballads.

Hot Hot Heat
HHH is RADNESS in a paper-bag. Retarded analogy aside, the band is great. The lead vocal, Steve Bays, rocks the keyboard like no ones business. "Talk To Me, Dance With Me," is the FUCKIN song. If I could, I would not hesitate to seduce "Ms. B" with this song. Alex knows who I'm referring to. This artista chick, Elysse caught me onto them, despite the fact I would have heard about them on the radio and tv anyway.

Incubus
I've been a more serious fan ever since their Morning View tour came to my town (and I scored two free tickets) and they rocked the fuck out of that arena. I never knew the intensity of "Circles" and "Privilege" could cause the pit to transform into a human wave of gyrating bodies. At the Pennywise show during Warped Tour 2001, I was literally lifted off the ground for a mere second or so, but during this concert I SWEAR I didnt feel the floor for at least 2 minutes. That was rad. I consider "Drive" to be one of my favorite songs ever. A Crow Left To The Murder is sounding really good, too, and I'm glad I was able to get it the night before it was officially released. A megalomaniac is one psychopathologically afflicted with delusions of grandeur and omnipotence.

Interpol
Another great band debuting with a major release album. I had heard of them before, but as usual, had no idea what their sound was like. Now that I've heard it, I love it. It's mellow with tracks like "Untitled and "NYC," but doesn't hesitate to break your neck with "Say Hello To Angels" and "Roland." They've been around the scene, but I was far too ignorant of the music in those days to have been able to embrace this.

Jay-Z
Greatest rapper alive, eh? The point can be argued until the Annunaki come, but the point that is irrefutable is that The Black Album is fucking grand. He pulled out all the stops and went out with the perfect bang. Aside from singles, "Change Clothes" and "The Threat," I truly dig "Lucifer" and "My Name Is Hov."

Ludacris
What happened, maaaannn? You were doing great with Back For The First Time and Word Of Mouf... and then you drop this? Aside from "Stand Up," the only other track that I would find worthy of bumpin in my g-ride is "Hip Hop Quotables." Chicken and Beer is a weak album, nowhere near the sheer bumpnitude of Word of Mouf. For shame.

Mad Capsule Markets
I will make a movie and use their music as the soundtrack to my action sequences. It's going to be instupituous.

The Mars Volta
More rock goodness. The boys of At The Drive In split and would later form two new bands, Spart and this. I remember when Alex first bought their latest CD, De-Loused In A Comatorium, and he bumped it pretty loud in his apartment when we got back. The feel of their sound was unmistakable, and I knew I had to fully enjoy this album sooner or later. Thanks to a trade of music CDs between Alex and I, I was able to swap Incubus' new album, The Postal Service, and The Strokes' Room On Fire for this CD, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and a compilation cd called OM Lounge 8. Pretty fair fuckin trade. ROCK.

Muse
Another great find thanks to Elysse. At first, I thought, "Oh, another one of those bands," where I categorized them as some kind of indy rock band with lead vocals that sound whiny. After running through Absolution, I retracted that assumption, because to ASSUME is to make an ASS out of U and ME. Mostly me. I didn't hesitate to get a hold of their older albums, Showbiz and Origin of Symmetry when I had a chance.

OutKast
Ahhh shit. The fiery hotness, or rather, the ice coolness, of this duo is unmatched. THE BEST of southern stylistic cadillac playa rap, because it is more than evident that everything else sucks donkey balls (Ludacris exempt). Loved ATLiens; adored Stankonia; Speakerboxxx/The Love Below is the best double-CD delivery EVER. I want to one day do a rock cover of "Hey Ya!"

Phantom Planet
Just got a hold of this CD today, and it's sounding good to my ears. Not groundbreaking or anything, but it's still passes the test of buzzworthiness. Although I've never fully listened to their last one, The Guest; "California" was a well-received mainstream hit.

Placebo
One of the best bands to ever grace my humble ears. I have no idea how I heard about them, but I would thank whoever exposed me to this band endlessly if I could. After listening to them (as well as most of the other bands mentioned), I formally denounce The Used. Because they suck. Must find Black Market Music and their first, self-titled album. "Bulletproof Cupid" and "Second Sight" are the shit.

The Postal Service
If you've heard of them, then you should already know how great this collaborative duo are. If you haven't, you fucking better go to the goddamned record store and check this shit out. Think electronica, but with Death Cab For Cutie's vocals. Which it is. And it Rocks, capital "R." The beats are infectious, the vox permeates the groove, and voila, instant rock-your-face. "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight," "Such Great Heights" completely defines the validity of this albums ownage. The best part is that it's like listening to old school NES game music. Shitchyeah. Reminds me of Elkland, too. +++

The Strokes
FUCKFUCKFUCK. I <3 this band. Is This It? was great, Room On Fire expands on that same principle. I didn't even realize that I was jammin to this album a full month before it was even released. Thank you, bittorrent. The whole album is pure goldengoldengolden.

The Sex Pistols
More punk rock goodness. Between this and The Clash, I feel like laying waste to my previous punk rock musical tastes. Fuck Blink182, Sum41, Allister, The Starting Line, A Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, etc.

The White Stripes
Elephant is a rad album. The music is catchy, the lyrics engaging, and the overall vibe is great. The cool thing is that I can easily learn just about any song on that album, since it's so simple and effective. I've got "Seven Nation Army" and "The Hardest Button To Button" nearly understood, ready to rock & roll.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Another big thanks to Alex for letting me borrow this CD. Just by listening to their latest album, Fever To Tell, I can already say that I like this band a lot. Like other punk bands out there with female lead vocalists, this band does not dissappoint. They make me miss the good old days of Tsunami Bomb and Lucky Strike.

Hopefully, I'll be able to fully sample the sounds of Every Time I Die, Story Of The Year (maybe), The Pixies (I better!), The Shins, Boys Night Out, Aceyalone, Snow Patrol, The Darkness, Ladytron, and whatever albums or bands I've already mentioned.

Prepostericity prolongated

Fortunately, no more random calls came in today, and ESPECIALLY not from Claudia, thank the deities. Instead, the night degenerated into something of a replay of the other Friday, where we were in desperate need of something fun to do. The "KidD" dropped by eventually, and we chilled like it was 93 til as usual. The usual rabble and conversation were juggled, from the eternal struggles of man with womankind to postulating future events to be experienced. The looming shadow of SDCC is starting to envelop our mind states.
After a visit to Borders, we searched out and kidnapped Jaime as he was walking home. We dropped by Hollywood video to see old boy Nolan. Renee was there, which was another random appearance of unexpected people into my day. Jaime rented some obscure movies, and we proceeded over to the Taco Bell nearby for some grub after some intense deliberation. The night was capped by a routine visit to Jen's house, where Rob, Nick, and Pat were hanging out waiting for Jen to get home.
All in all, this ridiculously "random" day of odd phone calls actually transformed into the same kind of nights we had back in the summer: cruise around, hang out at Jen's.

You can say it was a 'respark' of days past in days present. Hot shit.

postscript: I'm highly incensed now by the prospect of going to Coachella in May and the Atmosphere/Eyedea concert this Friday. ROCK!

postPOSTscript: Not to mention going to this rave/party being thrown by my friend Nick called Squareone on Ryan's birthday. ROLL!

Prepostericity

This is unprecedented. I've gotten an unexpected amount of calls today, from sources that are the least likely to ever call me for anything important. For one, Jaime called me this morning around 11am, because I had left an away message up after I got back from dropping off the little sister to school. It said something about waking me up at 10am, and obviously Jaime failed at the task, but he at least tried. I was finally awake enough to get out of bed thanks to him, and headed to school a bit late.
After class, I checked my phone to see that I had a missed call during class. Usually, I could expect a call from Cheryl over something trivial but THIS was something else entirely. It was a missed call from Diana... I called her up, and we had a short catch-up conversation while I drove back home to grab something. After my last class, I dropped by her place to give her a copy of Incubus' new cd "A Crow Left To The Murder" and hung out with her for a couple of minutes.
Later, my cousin Geno called me up to tell me he's dropping by to borrow my guitar class textbook, and probably roll out with him to the Guitar Center.
Then, Alex the Kidd gives a random call to me, asking to kick-it.
Hot damn, is this "Get Social" Tuesday or something? Geeze, my week is barely half-way over, whats with everyone wanting to chill so suddenly?
Feh, what next, a call from Claudia? As if I didn't earn that surprise during the cabin trip, hah.

Fuck Maslow

I've come to realize that the sum worth of my life can be defined in five or so cycles of activity.

1) The process of sleep and rest
2) The modes of eating, digesting, and excretion
3) The constant, romantic struggle with women and sexual urges
4) Daily usage of digital information via the world wide web
5) Drawing shit.

So there you go, fuck your principles of self-esteem, security, social acceptance and self-actualization, Abe. And tell Sigmund to suck my dick, he'd probably get a real kick out of that, eh?

The Village

M. Night Shyamalan's newest movie. Most def a movie to catch when it comes out in July.

Yesterday, my communications studies class took a slight, pleasant turn in my favor, but for naught. I was fortunate enough to get grouped up with three other classmates in the back area where I sat, one of whom is this really cute girl in the class. Everything was going fine, and we were about to finish preparing a group presentation for wednesday. However, the instructor had the genius decision to whisk me away from the group, only to group me with two of these white guys sitting in front of me, who did not meet the requirements of grouping together. If you were to hear me speak that last sentence, you could probably sense the minute level of derision I add to the enunciation of said classmates I was unfortunately grouped with in the end. My luck runs out once more.

Fuck, I finally got my Transformers Season 1 DVDs back. Now, who ever has my Transformers Season 2 part 1, "The Returner," and "Equilibrium," please, feel free to return those DVDs sometime before I die, ya?

And, yeah, I had this 'vow' to 'quit' smoking until such time that I might somehow defeat the addiction daemon, but have decided to hold that off. One, this 'vow' was made out of respect and the sake of a friendship, which I'm starting to lose sight of. Meaning, I am once again depreciating the value of a relationship I once held dear (d'oh). And two, I figured I'll just move the improbable task of quitting smoking into a different, more manageable timeframe. Lent. 40 days and 40 nights. If I can willingly abstain from masturbation for three months (which I've done in the past. Twice.), a month and 10 days without smoking should be a breeze, right? Maybe I'll try and include alchohol consumption into the mix AND sex. HAH.

A Change is Going To Come

Hold onto your hats and valuables, kiddies, this rock is about to roll.

Yeahhh. I had a total of 2 hours sleep last night, thanks in part to an extra long session of Jedi Academy. Those Dark Jedi had me craving for rematches and flawless duels. At around 11:30am or so, I was going through mild symptoms of disorientation, and my peripheral vision started to 'wiggle' to a very disturbing degree. It was cool and not-cool at the same time. I'm still kind of feeling weird as I type this, like things are real and not real at the same time. Like I'm in the Matrix and somehow I feel like there's something wrong with the world? I dunno, its odd. I attribute it to the abundance of Jedi Academy I've been playing, like when I activate Force Speed and the world kind of stretches like in The Fast and The Furious. Something like that.

Ok, so classes are coo, but books are KILLER. I can barely find my textbooks online. But it's coo, there's a very healthy amount of cute girls surrounding me in just about each class, which is great. And now I lost sense of what my point was. Bah.

There's nothing like slashing stormtroopers while on the back of a taun-taun.

Once again
I've said this quite a few times in the past, buuuuuuutttt...I've been blogging way too often lately. GAWD, the volume of thoughts I've transcribed on here is near-retarded. I should be drawing or something. EH. I've just set this silly little slacker goal/limit to my artistic productivity which goes something like, "I can't really get back to drawing [comics] until I buy more art supplies. This 50 lbs paper isn't working for me, I need to get a hold of either A) heavier quality paper, or B) bristol pads." Thats a really lame excuse. I don't even know the principles behind 50, 65, 70 lbs paper quality. I remember my friend Terence once explained it, but I'm a dumbass whose memory is completely fucked most of the time.

On a less-heavy note, Dewon had me rolling in laughter today. Ah, I've forgotten how ingeniously funny he is. Hopefully Henry throws a party in which we can all hang out like the good old days of highschool; I miss that crowd of friends.

I got lost today, like a common freshman. I walked into a class I partially believed was mine, because I didnt print up or write down my entire class schedule. I was bewildered; I fooled myself into believing the Comm Studies class I walked into was the one that was on my schedule, and that the original professor I thought I had was replaced. The room was crowded, and I stood in the back of the room with a couple other late-comers. I had hoped this professor had gone through the role-call, in hopes that I could clarify whether I was enrolled in it or not. Instead, the professor was instituting this "introduce yourself" exercise. I had the idea that I'd wait until they come to me, when I would say something stupid like, "Hi, my name is Rodney, Rod for short and... I don't know whether I'm enrolled in this class or on the waiting list...but I'll play along with this game anyways." I eventually figured that this class was, indeed, not the one I belonged in. I think I wanted to stay in that class to pull off this stunt just because there were a couple of really cute girls in there. Oh well, my other Comm Studies classes have plenty of girls in there for me to impress with my dashing good looks and rapier wit. Bah.

OMGOMGOMGOMG

Great Scott, I saw HER today. Not the, "Her" as in Claudia, no no no, this is a far greater reference to HER, the ultimate HER. In comparison, Claudia fuckin' PALES in retrospect to HER. SHE is the tantamount definition of "out of my league," where I admit that I have a straight man's chance in a lesbian heaven to even get close enough to feel the awesomeness of HER very aura. For a minute, I had feared SHE had completely forgotten me, as I sat there oh-so obviously stunned by HER appearance. I rarely (as in once in a semester, if I'm lucky) ever see HER, so this was a surprise that had me briefly elated. She's the dream-girl, the destroyer of confidence, hell, my mind is on this retarded loop mode, where all I'm thinking about right now is every aspect of HER. SHE's, by leaps and bounds, more beautiful than any girl I personally know in this whole wide world, plus SHE's an artist to boot. I'm nearing the one-month mark with all the thing's I've abstained from, but all I want to do is betray my willpower and vent because of HER. Perfect smile, eyes, body, personality, smile, sense of style, smile, voice, smile GAHHHHH. The unattainable Aphrodite of my desires. Her name is Natalee.

Taken from various Livejournal entries I frequent.

10 questions: Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles.
The Clash

1. Are you male or female?:
Ivan Meets G.I. Joe

2. Describe yourself:
Ghetto Defendant

3. How do some people feel about you?:
Somebody Got Murdered

4. How do you feel about yourself?:
Should I Stay or Should I Go

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest:
Groovy Times

6. Where would you rather be?:
Lost In The Supermarket

7. Describe what you want to be:
Clash City Rockers

8. Describe how you live:
Complete Control

9. Describe how you love:
Rock The Casbah

10. Share a few words of wisdom:
I'm So Bored With The USA

Man, oh man. It's only the first month of this year, but it feels like I've drained myself of all the energy I'd need to have a year's worth of partying and having fun. This weekend has been pretty wild, like it's been a glimpse into what the next few years will turn out to be. AND IT LOOKS GOOD. Friday was a kick-back/party at Geno's, celebrating his 21st. Food, Drinks, Soul Calibur. It was a grand. And now, the question has been thrown into the air by my cousins, "Hey Rodney, you're the next to turn 21." Oh snap, I am.
Saturday, it was a jam-packed day, where I hopped from one party/kick-back to the next, and I barely saw sleep (or home, for that matter) for an age. After leaving some mundane semi-family party, I headed over to the Gali's for a bbq/kickback. The usual suspects were there, plus Alex, Patrick, Jon, Van, and Roberta. La vie du plaisir, je parle. From shootin the breeze, seeing the compiled set of pictures from the cabin, jammin, and just chillin oldschool in the front yard. The night was still young.
After the bbq, I headed back to Geno's, where the greatest part of the weekend would go down. There was barely anyone there at first, but slowly and surely, they trickled in. After an early round of Halo, I retreated into Geno's room to jam on his electric guitar, and then some other folks wandered in. They didn't know I played guitar, so I played a little bit for them. Soon, more people crowded in, as I rocked the guitar, and Robbie picked up Geno's MIDI keyboard, and even Geno grabbed his flute/recorder to join in. We played for nearly an hour, composing some cool beats, accompanied by power chords and a flute tune. The entire time, someone would attempt a freestyle flow, which made the moment feel like true hip-hop. We gathered an audience outside the door, watching us perform. Junior dubbed us "The Shuttlecocks." Eventually, the crowd dissipated, as they were all wondering whats next. Geno and I played some Soul Calibur until the moment of truth came to fruition.
We gathered at least 6 more people to come through, assembled 2 more TV's, and had the largest gathering of the Corpuz clan to play team Halo. It was a MARATHON; we played until 6 or so in the morning, and I didnt even go home until 10am. I'm spent. Now, back to normalcy, and hopefully, employment.

I'm on a highway to hell

Nyahaha. I got completely NOTHING done this winter break. I was supposed to get about 10 pages of a comic finished, in hopes that I can print out a mini-comic by APE. BUUUT, it doesn't look like I'll be making that dealine. Although I'm pretty fucked there, I do have some good news to report. I've turned in my introductory freelance commission, and I should be thrown about three more gigs soon. Which meansssss, I'll be paid up-front for the upcoming merc werk. At about $50 a pop, that comes out to a cool $150 in the bag. I don't know what you might be thinking, but I'm thinking: NEW WEBSITE biyatches. Once I get that moolah to the bank, and I friggin replace my lost credit card (it's been lost since I got back from SDCC), I will more than likely purchase a new domain to replace the one I lost (http://riotform.net). Whooooooos coming WITH ME??? I'll essentially be some kind of headmaster at an orphanage, because I have a duty to accomodate the former riotform kids, as well as pick up the other children who've come to me begging for shelter. LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLLLL. Since I am oh so generous to my friends WHENEVER possible, I openly invite Jaime and Ron to hoard some space on here if they'd like. Yep, how would you like your own little slice of internet homepie, niggahz?

Oh, and it was Geno's birthday this past day, and we kicked it old school at his place. Several Warheadz breaking crew homies packed in his small ass room, it was great. Geno and I played Soul Calibur 2 for the longest time on his PS2, while the other cats were jammin on his MIDI piano and fiddling with Reason on his computer and freestyle flowing. 93 til, 93 til infinity.

P.S. My uncle just handed me a flyer about an open position for student assistants at the DOJ, upon my request a while ago. Hopefully I'll be able to land that job and/or keep the FTB spot. That would ROCK. But then again, getting the DOJ job might fuck up my school schedule royale with cheese. Gah.

Life Lessons In Deceit and Hospitality

I know this already. I've known this for a long while. But, let's be redundant and act like everyone else doesn't realize this. Everyone is fake. Facades of amicability and condescension rolled into one. We are all Roman gods playing our parts in a grand play, as if our individual lives warranted such drama. I am the avenging Neptune, who's wrath is as deep as the oceans. She is proud Juno, who's ire is unabatable. He is Janus, the two-faced deity of beginnings and ends. FUCK THAT. We only have this one life of ours to live, and we are given no second chances. Why waste it ruining your sensibilities and berating others? Just because a person is not likable to YOU, does not mean that you should carry such ill will and condescension towards this fellow human. Such an act is more heinous when it is someone you can readily come in contact with. THERE IS ALWAYS A MIDDLE-GROUND. Don't hide the fact that you cannot get along with a person, and don't rub it in their face as if they're the Anti-Christ. A genuine person with a true soul would use their empathic ability to reason and give a person the right to know why they aren't liked. Those who perpetrate these facades are no better than the tyrants that monger for conflict in this world.
Now, you may see this shpiel as a bit of hypocracy on my part. Granted, it may as well be. But who isn't a hypocrite, please tell me. You sir/ma'am would be shot on sight for fear you would incite a rebellion of do-gooding. True, I am a bit two-faced, I treat one gender far differently than the other, thusly, certain assumptions can be made about me. I can be known to be unfair and cruel to the female side. I can be just as evil towards my own kind. I mean, I can hold a grudge against just about anyone, but I know that I can't hold them indefinitely. I eventually realize how childish it is to blindly hate someone over some kind of silly or contrived notion I have about them. That's called prejudice, folks. But whatever. When it comes to either side, I won't be deceitful, only in the most playful of manners. As far as I can tell, I've told both men and women the most blunt truths when necessary. Give or take situations when such truths would possibly demoralize them, I will go out of my way to tell the truth. Why mire yourself in a net of lies when it will only entrap you the more you pile on? So corrupt and bleak is this world that deceit is the law of the land, where to advance in life you must build your strength through lies and half-truths. Must you empower yourself through other peoples' downfall? Surely, the lion would rather call upon the help of other lions to take down the wildebeest rather than KILL another lion so it can feast on a larger portion. I can honestly say this, if I were to see that you can easily don a mask of deceit rather than lower the veil of insecurity, I WILL HATE YOU. You should not be fit for evolution's grace. Much like Love, Providence is BLIND. We will all survive and benefit by unconditional support, don't forget that. Don't be elitist, that is what being deceitful truly is. You are striking down others who do not fit into your perceived mold of decency. You are not the One and Most High Emperor/Empress of all Men. C'mon now, have a little bit of common wisdom here.
Now, this kind of view can easily turn militant, and thus ELITIST, but no, I could never strike down that path fully. Live and Let Die, I believe. Fate's greater scheme will be realized, and people will eventually gain a degree of empathy to learn how wrong they have been. Oh well.
Just go about and beat each other about the heads with blunt weapons. I care not. Continue the way of the primitives, and you will 'prosper' as they have. Let the sensible inherit the positions you have wrongly abused.

So Yeah...
...lot's of thinking, too much of it. It's like I'm afraid of those 'elevators' again. But no matter, this is just me over-thinking things again. I suppose that's a genuine character trait of mine: Methodicality. I usually have to think and re-think a given scenario to figure out how to pull it off with the least amount of failure. Overthinking AND overcompensating. Hah.
Thus, I sit here, listening to an odd collection of 80's music that come straight out of movie soundtracks, and nearly in the full swing of ANGST. I did a bit of mental spring cleaning today, i.e. baggage check, y'know, little things that fool you into thinking you're setting past things right. Sometimes I would do something as inane as go through my phone list and change the settings and numbers in there. See, my phone has this neat little feature, where I designate the specific phone ring for a certain amount of people. Caller Groups. Generally, I would shift the names of girls around, so that one will be demoted to the generic 'girls' category, or one would be promoted to the 'VIP girls' category. I dunno, it doesn't really solve anything, but it somehow soothes the ego to hear and NOT hear Usher's "U Remind Me" ringtone sound off.
But I digress. Today, I went through a bit of straightening out of my laptop and internet affairs. Certain documents I wrote for particularly emotional moments have been erased, chat logs deleted, calendar markings removed. For the extreme purpose of eradicating all references to things and people that would further cause me to loathe and regret.
I even went so far as to get on this retarded Friendster thing and go delete-happy. Now, I am no real fan of this system, but it still gets to me. Delete Friend here, Delete Testemonial there. All of it felt and looked useless. And because of this reverie, this emotional roller coaster I've ridden this past week, I'm nearly ready to either vent/spill as much as I can here or in that troublesome little journal I once kept.

BUTWHATEVER. This swing into the 'emo' kind of built up since the cabin trip not one week ago, where I was in the closest proximity to some of my most favored people in the world. You see, not only was an old old old love in the same house with me for a week, but also a past crush (more like crash) and the current object of my affection. Now, none of this should be secret to those that I occupied that cabin with. I mean, we're all part of the same social crowd, graduates of the same high school. But THAT is where everything goes completely wrong. I like this girl, I genuinely do. She's got all the right things that I admire most in these pitiful human beings: artistic/creative, tolerant, playful/outgoing, overall a BOMBSHELL. Which also makes it a painful thing for me, she's everyone's bombshell. How am I supposed to act when just about everyone else would take their shot at her if they could? For instance, one night, she (in her usual awestrikingness) was clearly the center of attention of a group of guys. I, stoned off my ass, could do nothing but feel a bit of jealousy and pass out. With her allegiance nowhere, where do I stand? I know for a fact that I am no team player; either I work solo or I don't work at all. Competition for one woman is almost beyond my scope of comprehension.
Ok, so I already feel a phantom bout of burnage from a girl I am hardly around, and whom I have growing feelings of both eros and agape. What else could go wrong. I'll tell you. Throughout the cabin, she and I barely exchange conversation for more than 2 minutes. How odd is that. When it's just her and I in private company, our conversations surely last longer than that. So what was missing? I dont know, I think I did something wrong; subtly offended her in some way. Is that even possible?
Alright, keep going, you might say.
Will things pick up like normal once this cabin trip is over? Was it just a bit of a shell-shock in being intimate with someone? Not ready for that kind of a jump in an ambiguous friend/relationship? Either way, I have the feeling that things might get worse before it gets better.
See, I have this awful habit of deserting a girl for a certain amount of time, abandoning conventional means of communication, an experiment in the old addage that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' Half the time, this practice bears positive results, where the girl will seek me out as I had hoped. The other time, the girl will just as clearly desert me as I had deserted her, neutralizing the entire effect. Last time, I had talked to her and apologized for something I had done, which had obviously made her uncomfortable. She gave it to me straight: platonic friendship (or so I understood). I laid low, to get the feeling of such a blunt rejection out of my mind. Weeks pass, and I receive a morning call from her, waking me from my hung-over slumber. I had to decline her offer of lunch for obvious reasons. From that moment, things started to pick up again; I would call to see if she's up for a date the coming weekend, she'd call to suggest something we could do together. I played it cool, knowing that I had to respect her wishes to keep this straight & narrow. But little things keep slipping in, those pragmatic gestures that could be attributed to feelings other than platonic. Wrapping of the hand around the arm, a slight tug here and there, a tightening hug on occasion, locking of the hands unexpectedly. Like this one time, I insisted on saying good-bye with a friendly handshake/"daps," she smiled/laughed and refused the gesture. but she instead offered a hug/hand-hold.
Ok, so a couple of dates down the line, its comes to that inevitable 'friend zone,' this god-awful neutral state of courtship that I abhor. My early initiatives were nullified, but my current down-played attempts are accepted, implying that we're at a level of comfortability. Do I go aggressive and swoop in, fueled by passion? Or do I securely build the foundation, but also risk a permanent state of platonicity?
Sadly, this quandary is not unfamiliar to me. DEJA-fuckin-VU. A year ago, I had to make a similar decision as to whether I were to keep a relationship moving with a girl that could thoroughly bash my emotions, or cut my losses. I surmised to have Valentines Day be my final stand. And once again, that dreaded day is coming back around, presenting the same kind of ultimatum.
In the past scenario, I had the element of time on my agenda; I had the option to wait her out, let her drama cool down, and patch things up a year or so later. Now, that same option is not available. I am determined to leave this town in a year's time, and that doesn't leave me much space to nurture a potentially great relationship.
So, either I work this problem out soon, while my agenda allows, or I will lose out on a girl that's possibly greater than any I have met in Sacramento. No joke, people. The girl of last year was one thing, this is a whole lot more steps above.

Then, I keep thinking, how am I supposed to win in this scenario? It's so goddamned fucked up. How am I to date a girl that holds previous ties to just about everyone in my social crowd? The outer disguise is to seem that we are nothing more than friends, but that kind of information easily becomes distorted by the ceaseless rumors of the constituents in this social crowd. And how are we supposed to get along as a group anyway? This situation in itself is like diplomacy, like drafting a treaty between several volatile factions. We are no happy crowd of friends. We are a gossipy and polar set of people, who hold facades of amicability. The interconnectivity between all of us undoubtedly leads to volatility. Elissa and Ryan don't like Cindy, (as well as other people) but I, as well as Diana and Bryan, like her. Orlando's girlfriend Sherly doesn't like Cindy, Diana, and probably Elissa. Nolan probably still likes Diana, and Rob and Nolan don't always get along too keen. Rob and I get along fine, same with Jen and I, but she and I have some history. Same goes for me and Cindy, a brief history. Ryan and Cindy used to be together. I can't put too much faith into Ron. Sometimes I still want to violently harm Jaime. Ryan and Orlando are way too caught up in their own relationships that they are no longer the same as they once were (you can imagine how this kind of a situation can end up). We're something of a powder-keg waiting to be ignited. I have this distinct feeling that some day I will be that match.
The interactions between all of us are deep, and to somehow complicate the intricate web of friendship and deceit would be akin to acid desolving molecular bonds. I have a hunch that pursuing this will probably destroy my perception of balance in the grand scheme of this social circle. What if we got together, would I become the same as Ryan and Orlando? Would the hidden resentment for either one of us surface in subconscious ways, slowly deteriorating the original foundation of friendship? Will some people start to become awkward around either one of us? Would our break-up bar my friendship to those that allied themselves with her? She's a very likable person, would people swing to her defense? Would I become so distraught as to become disillusioned in the support of everyone else?
Gah, too much thinking.

HIGHLIGHTS and REFLECTIONS of EL CABINO 2004

-Booze Central. There was a large supply of liquor at the cabin every day... it was insane...each day, it seemed like a new bottle of liquor magically appeared. Well, I was too drunk to realize that people kept making booze runs whenever it was necessary. Y'know... I swear my piss turned into a very unsettling color most of the week.

-Video gaming. It kept me from truly being bored before the the weekend came. Soul Calibur 2, anyone?

-Monday night/early Tuesday morning. Let's just say that this particular night shall be forever etched into my memory. January 6th, 2004 will be added to the growing list of "Defining Moments" of my young life, where it will join the ranks of August 13th, 2003 and December 27th, 2002, February 14th, 2003, etc., etc. Essentially, the entire cabin trip to the Lake Tahoe became COMPLETELY worth it on account of that night, although the rest of the week paled in comparison. Shit, I'd probably smile some kind of goofy grin if I were to recall that night step by step. Awwwwww.

-Tuesday's snowboard session. It was coo, especially since I believe it will be the only time I will board this year. The entire moment that I coasted down the mountain watching Ron do spirals (and fall), watching Ryan fall, seeing Anthony do the spirals AND hit a small kicker in the mini-terrain park. Not to mention seeing Diana improve in snowboarding (no matter whether it was little by little) made my heart soar. Oh gawd, I want to snowboard so bad.

-Tuesday night. Another fragmented memory to add to my lexicon of records, where this night shall earn the, "Most HAMMERED" privilege. After upping the stakes to the last draw of a crazy game of 'Kings,' (in which I raised the ante with Anthony, saying that loser empties out every drink on the table that was not bottled), I downed nearly 10 half-finished drinks, not to mention the 'waterfall.' 10 drinks, 10 pukes. I'd say that works out just about right.

-Friday night. A new category to add to my database of experiences, where...let's see...you can say that I was seriously afraid of ELEVATORS. Paranoia, near-schizophrenic, overall psychologic hell.

-Fighting the urge to kill my cabin-mates and guests. Yeah, I'm semi-serious. The previously mentioned experience could have nearly made me briefly go insane. Emotions run high when your own sense of reality is out of control. Yeah, scary shit.

-Plague is a Horseman of the Apocalypse. Really though, it was pretty scary how many people got sick in that cabin. Hell, Van couldn't even go because he got pretty sick the day before. Orlando carried a slight cold with him to the cabin, and I think one of the Gali's might have harbored a vile sickness with them as well. Nolan and Anthony came down with really bad fever/flu's half-way through the week, which put them out of commission the rest of the trip. Rob ended up getting sick the very last days, and Jaime was fighting infection the whole time. Eventually, the Anthony/Orlando room became dubbed as the "Quarantine Room," because most of the sick kids would end up in there sooner or later. Thank goodness I didn't show any symptoms of sickness...only in the OTHER ways. Alas, Fate has a wicked sense of irony, because I'm fighting a bit of the cold as I write this.

-Sunrise at the Lake. That was great, smoking a Cohiba while chilling in the morning cold and shootin the breeze...as well as other things. They say the Eskimos have plenty of ways to say, "snow."

-Toboggan! That was the fun part of staying at the cabin, especially after all the work I had put into molding and icing down the snow mounds in the front of the cabin. I'm glad Nick and Jon actually took the effort to toboggan at least once. The rest of yalls was pussy.

-FRANK THE TANK. Orlando Barcena, Jr., you sir, impressed me immensely at the cabin. Not only did you outdrink me most of the time and NOT yak (that I can attest to), but you epitomized the whole concept of a week away from home in a cabin at Lake Tahoe. It was great that somehow, the whole lot of us started drunkily chanting his new 'nickname' in the middle of a drinking game. Not only that, but he beat the shit out of us at Omaha, Manhattan, Heaven & Hell, Anaconda, and Cowboys. That's quite the feat.

-The Screamer. Even though we never did get to do much as a group (other than get faded), I had hoped we could all go to the casino just to have everyone do what Anthony did an try out the "Seat of Terror," a chair that sends intense electrical pulses through you. Brief torture for $1.00... GENIUS!

-Sailing on the Friend-Ship. Awww. In truth, the cabin became a place where my relations with the people there became more clarified and defined. I could go off on how much some people there let me down or disappointed my expectations of them, but I'd rather realize how much more cool I became with Nick, Kiel, and Anthony.

-Dippin the 'cha. HAHAH.

-The Sunday Morning Buzz. 10 am and already buzzed? Whaaaaa? That was GRRRREAT.

-DRAMA. Oh man, that cabin had its fair share of drama. Too bad I had passed out for most of it. Fights, scuffles, jealousy, secrets, confessions, lust, it was nearly a soap opera in that house. Come to think of it, Jen brought up the idea that the next cabin could be filmed in as much of it's entirety as possible, so that we could pull off some kind of reality TV episode. I had also thought of this concept, but now the idea of pulling it off has taken precedence.

-We MUST finish all the Liquor! Gold Rum, Jack Daniels, Butternips, Baja Rosa, 'Irish Cream', 'Caramel Temptation,' we decided not to bring any booze back home, to finish as much as we can Sunday night and that night alone. Too bad Nick and Eli took the brunt of it.

-The ride home. It was ONE BIG TRIP. Serious. I was fighting sleep, but everytime I slipped into a quick nap, I went through a vividly wild delusion. CRAZY.

ROCK the CASBAH
So yeah. For 7 days, a large group of friends (including myself) rocked the FUCK out of this two-story cabin in South Lake Tahoe. I try to recollect the entire experience, but it never really forms a very cohesive timeline of events in my mind. Thank goodness for the wonders of modern technology and the usefulness of these things called digital cameras. Several of us at the cabin had digital cameras, namely myself, Ryan, and Jennifer. Out of the three of us, Jen probably had the best opportunities to steal goldenly candid moments throughout the week. I, not being one to be outdone, handled the business of filming some of the moments during the week with my Sony DSC-P32 digital camera. Ok, so, I think the week went like this:

-Day 01 (1/05): Ron, Anthony, and I arrive at the cabin around noon, and unload our gear along with Ryan, Orlando, and Jaime (who had arrived first). Eventually, Nolan, Jen, Robert, and Nick arrived, followed by Diana and Roberta last. We got our things unpacked, and claimed our rooms. That night, some of the group went on a 'run' to acquire the booze, which would fuel our drunkeness. We played a drinking game, I think, which caused most of us to promptly crash one by one.

-Day 02 (1/06): Ron, Anthony, Ryan, Orlando, Diana, and I rolled out to Sierra-at-Tahoe to snowboard. Alas, that was the only day I could afford to ride (which would be my only day to ride this season). It was Diana's first time, so Ron taught her some of the basics, while the rest of us tore up the bunny slope. Ron eventually went to ride the blue/black runs on the mountain, while Orlando went off on his own. Anthony, Ryan, and I stuck with the greens for the most part. While Anthony and Ryan were off, I spent the better half of my session coaching/supervising Diana in her practice of heel-side braking i.e. "falling leaf." This gave me the opportunity to work my toe and heel-side skillz, and also inadverdently forced me to ride switch on several occasions down the slope. She and I hit the rabbit hill about 3-4 times, and soon met up with the rest of the crew. Ron and I met up with Orlando and proceeded to take a lift that would bring us to the 3 mile "Sugar and Spice" run. PAIN.
When we got back to the cabin, we chilled until night came, and soon, the entire cabin was involved in a maddening drinking game called "Kings." It was probably around this time that we, as a group, dubbed Orlando, "Frank the Tank" (and oddly, we all chanted that moniker simultaneously at one point). Needless to say, I puked a sum total of 9 times that night. Fun times.

-Day 03 (1/07): I can only remember as much as my fierce hangover allowed me. When night fell, I was nearly ready to engage in more fun, but swore not to over-do it again. I do remember that Anthony and Robert went at it and had a friendly round of wrestling in lieu of a challenge issued the night before (when nearly EVERYONE was blitzed). Although I stayed completely sober, I was still unable to sleep at all that night.
=Edit: It is understood now that the "Team Arena" tournament that we had (where the cabin-mates were split into two teams and put through a gauntlet of 3 different games to determine an overall winner) had indeed taken place on this night.=

-Day 04 (1/08): Since I could not sleep the night prior, I am still unsure of the events that took place this day. The only way I am sure something happened is because I filmed our (Ron, Ryan, Anthony, Jen and I) visit to Caesar's and Harrah's casinos. After that, I'm pretty sure we all got quite drunk and/or high. I'm guessing that it was one of these nights that Orlando, Diana, Anthony, Ron, Robert, and I played poker/hold 'em and lost a lot of money to Orlando (who was SHITFACED. forrealz.)

-Day 05 (1/09): I have no idea. I think we (Ryan, Orlando, Jaime, Diana, Roberta, and I) went to see Peter Pan at the Horizon theater? Oh well, more drunkeness/smoking. Uh, from this point on, I have NO CLUE as to what really happened at night, other than that which I record here. I was extremely wasted from that day onward. Kiel and Jasmine arrived sometime that day, along with Patrick. We ate a nice filipino dinner thanks to Jasmine. Unfortunately, a certain Alex Galaviz was expected to arrive with them, but could not make it. Fucker.
Tammy, Lance, and Elissa arrived, too, as well as late additions Phillip and Nicole. Also, Maggit and his friend dropped by, followed by Ryan and Ron's co-workers from DMV. After a rather large hotbox session, the night goes quite haywire, and I eventually pass out on the couch really early. Particularly large gaps of memory are missing from that night. Hahaha.

-Day 06 (1/11): Orlando and Anthony leave early because they were both too sick to stay any longer. Maggit and his friend leave that morning as well. Roberta's brother Eli (sp?) and his girlfriend Nicole (sp?) arrive, and later that day Bryan, Cindy, and Big Jon Estrada make it up to the cabin. Jon, Bryan, Cindy, and I visited the casino strip and wandered about the area. One of the more fun nights that I can actually remember. A 14-man Soul Calibur 2 tournament went underway, in which I (who was quite faded) won it all.

-Day 07 (1/12): Bryan, Jon, Cindy, and I wake up before dawn to walk to the lake and watch the sun rise. We (excluding Cindy) smoke a nice Cohiba that morning, take some pictures, and head back to the cabin. I try to sleep, but am unable to once more. I eventually get up an hour or two before noon and proceed to get buzzed again. This course of action proved quite helpful, as I was easily able to go back to sleep an hour or two after I hit a few shots. After Bryan and Jon head back to Sacramento, I pass out for a few hours, only to wake up to restart the process once more. Jasmine, Kiel, and Patrick leave as Ron, Ryan, Elissa, Jaime, and I head out to eat dinner at a cheap (but good) chinese spot up the street and return home for our last night at the cabin. Nick, Jaime, Jen, Eli, Nicole, and I play several drinking games, determined to finish the rest of the booze left in the cabin. Suffice it to say, the task was completed.

-Day 08 (1/12): The last survivors of the cabin (Ron, Ryan, Jaime, me, Elissa, Jen, Rob, Nick, Nolan) get our last affairs in order, which meant packing and cleaning up the mess we made of the cabin. Eli and Nicole leave that morning, just as I wake up from a night of restless sleep.
And thus, with a memory riddled with holes and a slight hangover, I was finally able to escape from a week-long marathon of VICE and WICKEDNESS. It was grand.

Sadly, this account of "El Cabino 2004" is nowhere near complete or factual, thus I refer you to Jaime's blog, or Diana's site, and maybe even Ryan's site (assuming he ever updates) in hopes that more information can be gleaned on what happened while I was too hammered to notice. If I am able to gain a copy of Jen and Bryan's pictures, I'll try and find a way to post it up. Until then, PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT.

Gah. The minute I get back home from a week in the mountains, I bust out a really bad stuffy nose. I need to recollect my thoughts (as well as capture my pics) on the cabin trip. I'll get back to this later.

HERE WE GOOOO

Let us hope I can survive this trip with my sanity intact. OHGAWD.

Cabin Fever

Well, it is the eve of our grand journey to Lake Tahoe, for a week of unsupervised debauchery, oh yeah. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me recap Friday night. It was a night like many others before it, BUT it was much memorable. See, my boy Alex had just gotten a new-old car, and we took it out for a spin that night. Went to WinCo to get some supplies, and on the way to a small kickback, we were rolling to sounds of ACDC's "Highway To Hell." That was cool. The night went without a hitch, and it was overall pretty coo. Jaime, as usual, pushed himself to the point of vomiting. He is indeed a puke-hazard, watch out. I havent talked to Alex since Friday night, but I'm hoping he'll drop by the cabin this coming weekend. O-Kay!
Right now, I'm on a download frenzy, searching every bit of information on rockin old school music and theme songs to jam to as I carve up the slopes. I Ran. Push It To The Limit. Eye of the Tiger. Danger Zone. Highway to Hell. Morris Day & The Time. Billy Idol. Van Halen. KISS. QUEEN. Styx.
I WILL ROCK THE MOUNTAIN.

FUCK YOU, 2003

PERSONAL SURVEY
Good:SDCC2003. Fuck yeah, that whole SUMMER, was just... one of the best I could ever hope for.
Bad: GIRLS. Sure, I've had a fair share of good moments, BUT, that does not redeem the overwhelming retardedness of what I put up with. Now, I don't really blame myself...I BLAME THEM. Fucking girls.
Ugly: 1992 Ford Thunderbird. OH YEAH, the "G-Ride." It comes up with more problems than I can get money to fix it. It is currently sitting in the driveway with HALF AN ENGINE. Fuck that shit.

MEDIA and SHIT
DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH:American Idol 'stars.' And all current pop sensations in general, except for those I list. And Chingy. And Lil Jon. And the Eastside Boyz. And the Ying Yang Twinzzzz.
YOU DON'T ROCK: Limp Bizkit. Just stop, seriously.

Guilty Pleasure: Justin Timberlake (Fuck you haters, hahhaha)
Best Show I've been to: Hieroglyphics @ Sac State. Although this was the ONLY show I've been to all year, it still rocked on numerous levels.
Thank GOD for: Brand New, as well as Hot Hot Heat. Everything else that played on the airwaves this year was just hardrock assburps that all sounded the same.

Best Album/s: The Black Album (Jay-Z), Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (OutKast). Hip Hop is given a slight breath of new life, which makes these picks best.
Runner Ups: Turn on the Bright Lights (Interpol), Deja Entendu (Brand New), Give Up (The Postal Service), Absolution (Muse), Sleeping With Ghosts (Placebo), Transatlanticism (Death Cab For Cutie). All of these ROCKED on equal levels. Too hard for me to put them up over the "Best Albums" I picked.

Best of TV: Hah, I watched less TV this year than last year, which is good. So ALL of it sucks, except for cartoons.
Best Movie/s: Kill Bill, Return of the King, The Last Samurai, X-Men 2
Best Actor/s: Johnny Depp. Hands down.
Best Actress/es: Halle Berry. She kind of sucked in X-Men 2, but she's still tops.
Worst Movie/s:Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions. MOST OVERHYPED, EXPENSIVE piece of shit EVER.
Surprisingly Good Movie: The Rundown.
Hottest Girl: Keira Knightley
Hottest Guy: Tom Cruise.
Porn Star: Charmane Star/Kaylani Lei

Game of the Year: Soul Calibur 2. BIYATCH!
OMGOMG: Viewtiful Joe, Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Final Fantasy Tactics, Boktai
Best Gaming Platform/s: Xbox and Gamecube are tied. PS2 sucks.
Multiplayer Madness: Mariokart Doubledash!! OH SHIT, it's insane.

Best Comicbook/s: 1602 (Neil Gaiman, Andy Kubert)
Best Story: Batman "Hush" (Jeph Loeb, Jim Lee)
Best Manga/s: Naruto (Masashi Kishimoto), One Piece (Eiichiro Oda). Thank you Shonen Jump. Priest (Min-Woo Hyung)
Coolest Character: Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

HIGHLIGHTS
Defining Moment: August 13th, 2003. This one day alone is the reason why I hate and love girls at the same time.
The Most HAMMERED: December 19th, 2003. Jaclyn's Graduation Party. Played Super Street Fighter 2 for shots. HAHA.
The Least Hammered: Residence Inn on July 3rd with family. Played "Spoons," drank quite a bit, yet was not as faded as I thought.
Best Party: August 8th. Diana's 20th birthday party. 10 hours of party/kickit/drinking.
Worst Party: Amador's friend's apartment. A packed apartment downtown, and I knew a total of 1 person there. YAY.
Marathon of: Sleeplessness:July 2-4, 2003. Awake for 40 hours on a trip to LA/Orange County, which was followed by "The Least Hammered" that night.
Most/Least Wealthy: Earlier this year, I bought a $1400 iBook, while working nearly full-time for the state at $8.30 an hour. Currently, I am jobless, hah!

Final Verdict: Pirating wireless cable internet is grand. BitTorrent ROCKS.

2004 OUTLOOK
Winter: El Cabino/Cabin Fever. OHYEAH. APE in February, hopefully my first mini-comic will be made. Freelance work hopefully pays for a new website.
Spring:Work work work. Earn money to spend, maybe save some for the inevitable BIG MOVE. Las Vegas trip, hopefully. The BIGBAD21 goes down. Shit'chyeah.
Summer: SAN DIEGO, here I come. Woop woop!
Fall: Gear up for some serious snowboarding in the '04-05 season. I need a board/bindings/boots.
Movies I will definitely watch: Troy. Spiderman 2. Hellboy! Kill Bill vol.2. The Passion of the Christ (maybe). Hidalgo. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I, Robot. The Bourne Supremacy (maybe).

I KNOW. I promised I'd be done with this, but circumstances grew out of my control, as riotform.net went down permanently earlier in December 2003. you just had to put in one last jab at me, didn't you, MR. BIGBAD '03.

But this is it. Some final words on that horrible year, and maybe a look at 2004 can be. I've had enough of the 2003 and the crap it assaulted me with, so OPTICA has it's last stand here and now. Whether it survives the final grips of 2003 is yet to be known.

tomorrow i'll be making a(nother) blog hosted on my riotform website. adios, blogger!

recap of the past few days.
sunday: afternoon kick it with the confed heads @ borders. followed by a thorough 7 hour marathon of soul calibur 2 at joe koko-nuts hizzay. OWNAGE in EVERY direction. i get home at 3am. fun.
monday: mowed lawn :( sucky weather. jen's b-day kickit @ her house. plenty of stoners stoned, i am exempt. tekken 4 tournament commences, i OWN everyone due to being the least intoxicated. STEVE ate everyone's children. hot-girls-that-don't-look-their-age-but-are-really-16 mess with my head, but i didnt smoke. home at 3am once more.
tuesday: school, but not really. got ryan to skip his noon class to play soul calibur 2 with us at koko-nuts house. RAPHAEL friggin OWNED. no question. except the occasional ring out by some bastard ass fighters like Voldo and Kilik.

life is pretty good, despite the absence of a woman's warmth. bahhhhhhhhhhh.

this sucks hairy goat balls. speaking of goats, theres one caged up next door that's been keeping me annoyed all day. my uncle needs to cook that fucker up already and get it over with.
and yeah.
this looks to be a boring ass labor day weekend. it's probably going to turn out to be more of a homework weekend, when i should really be avoiding school work. bahh. none of the usual crowd seem to be doing anything, and to top it off, i think my older sister is going out and having fun more than me lately. now that is just BULL. i remember on friday, we were just chillin at the CRC's cafeteria hall, and I ask, "what are we gonna do now?" and all we did was roll deep to my house and crowd up my room. it was cool to kick it with about 8 people stuffed in my small ass room, but shit, thats all i did that day. nothing came through yesterday and today. sure, i could have gone with Amador to see American Splendor, but maaaan...i didn't know if it would only be me and him going to see it. now that would be suspect.

but to debunk any suspicions...the girl that was my focus for the past few weeks just told it to me straight yesterday night.
i totally understand, i do. she had broken up with her boyfriend of about a year (?), and she told me she wanted to enjoy the single life. crud. seems like i always have to be the understanding one, and sit idly by until the girl makes up her mind. dammit.
well, there goes all the confidence i built up since the "incident" and the "moment." at least i can say, that for once, i didn't sit idly by, that i made something out of a situation and tried to keep it alive. bah.
off to the hunt i go once more. it's all good, i've got something of a "list" of girls, and i'm going to take my chances and run through the game all over again with each of them. woop-pah.

yoohoo! i dont where it came from, but we've got an ample supply of it. dont tell me your biased opinion of this oh-so-good chocolate milk drink. hell, this is probably the only kind of milk i'd ever want to drink. and thats saying a lot.
well, a lot of the plans that we had for today went kaput, seeing as how a bunch of things fell out of place. now here i am, chillin on my roof, wishing i were having fun. bah.

by the count, we've got the following people confirmed for the coming artRIOT
Khris: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (x)
Seth: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (?)
Alpha: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (?)
Travis: anthology (x) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (?)
Alex/Adam: anthology (X) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (?)
Shelde: anthology (0) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (0)
Reggie: anthology (0) worldwide edition (?) sdcc04 (0)
Joe: anthology (x) worldwide edition (0) sdcc04 (0)
Knome: anthology (X) worldwide edition (x) sdcc04 (?)

Ryan and I are heading most of this, so of course we're in.

business and pleasure is getting better by the day, it seems. i'm on a pretty badass upswing from the downward spiral i went through early this year.
finished the pencils to my first page of sequential art. first time i've messed with sequentials in almost a year. looks like i haven't lost a thing, more like gained a dozen new ones. once i get the second page done, i can officially say i'm back in my art groove.
and business...it's not raking any money my way, not yet that is. but the fact is that gears are finally in motion, and the artRIOT is almost underway. i'll be adding three new additions to the roster, one of them being my old icon, Chris Lee. Alex and Adam are jumping on for the meantime, too. i think they're getting back into their swing, and i'm helping them transition. lastly, is the talented "Xenogia" that Ryan came upon. He'll be hosted once they coordinate the plan for his website. on the horizon, i'm looking forward to hooking up with Jim, and seeing what he can do. and the chick we met in San Diego is a prospective recruit, which'll rock a-plenty. i still need to find some willing female artists to join the crew...

and pleasure...oh, the pleasure aspect... i'll keep this part a relative secret until i know that things are working my way. until then, know that i'm living it up...big time...-sniff- hm, i think i still have her scent on me still... hahaha.

Epiphany #348
I have an almost subconscious jones for Chinese girls. I don't know what it is, but I have more often than not gravitated towards Asian girls half the time, and generally not just any Asian girls. They're either Chinese, or some killer mix of Chinese, or maybe they're a flaming hot Korean girl.
The earliest example I can probably remember is Jen, and she's mixed Chinese/White. Another example is this one girl I met at summer school a ways back... smokin Korean babe. gahhh. Next one would probably be Anh from working at FTB. Yet another example would be that one Chinese, possibly mixed, girl from a class I had the other semester. And then there's my senior ball date, Nikki (My). Also, there's, this girl named Amy, who I tried to get at senior year. If this is any indication, I think I should either stop NOW while I have the chance, or get some kind of help for this.

OHGAWD. Friendster is like some kind of evil system out to destroy my self-esteem. All I have to do is type in a name of say...a girl I was crushing on back in the day, and for some odd reason, the particular person I'm looking for actually exists on Friendster. Seriously. I've found just about EACH girl I just mentioned, and that is not good for the memories I'm trying hard to forget. FUCKFUCKFUCKFRIENDSTER.
And I thought Sacramento was too small of a world, the Internet just got even smaller. GDAMMIT.

hm. i just dropped my history class, leaving my tues/thurs open to do WHATEVER. good.
before i forget, this is a list of all the songs i can attempt to play, or am practicing on my guitar. this is for future reference, so i can burn a CD of this playlist for practice.

"Remember to Breathe" Dashboard Confessional
"Ender Will Save Us All" Dashboard Confessional
"Like I Love You" Justin Timberlake (the mariachi-sounding main riff)
"Come as You Are" Nirvana (bassline riff)
"Clint Eastwood" Gorillaz (bassline riff)
"Outside" Staind
"Fat Lip" Sum41 (needs practice)
"Drive" Incubus (needs lots of work)
"Half-Crazy" Musiq Soulchild
"Seven Nation Army" The White Stripes (bassline riff)
"U Remind Me" Usher (main tune)

just learned, "Rivers of Babylon," Sublimes version of the Bob Marley song.

hah. i think i HELLA overexaggerated on the "half a million words of written work this semester" statement. i believe the correct amount is somewhere around 50,000 words? next time, i should probably calculate my "educated guesses." but anyway. in other news...
riotform.net is doing well, i've almost got the original roster back up, sans one annoying little bugger that goes by the name of Timo. i offered, and saved him space, but being the 14-15 year old walking-wedgie that he is, has neglected it, as well as my advice. that, my friends is the best way to piss me off, if ANY. ignoring my good graces is a one way trip to WRATH OF ROD (3WW, Sorcery. Destroy all pre-pubescent, cack-a-roach fucks and their promised webhostage.)
the five barons of FUNK met up friday night at lai wah, and we discussed our "business" trip to san diego next year. from the book, merch, hotel, to the proposed las vegas trip right after SDCC, we are slowlying planning out the first big step. i'm not so sure if the five of us can still be called "sQuiD" seeing as how we haven't completed a thing in the name of squid since...we graduated high school. ron even said it himself, saying something like we're more like a loosely connected alliance. a CONFEDERATION. true, we are nowhere near the size of a real confederacy, but its a catchy label. i'll probably refer to us as the CONFEDs from now on.
other than a few little timos slowing the pace, business is going well. i've still got alpha's website to work on, but i can get that done in no time. i just wish i could get a bit of commission for work from time to time. eh.

now, onto the "pleasure" part of this update.
friday was a cool little kick-it day, where the likes of Leo and Brian Tillo made quick cameos. hell, my padawan learner (Leo) even hooked Jaime and I with some smokes and lighters that he stole from work. good job. Ryan (Rai) needed to get his severance pay from the club, so we scooted over there to fetch it, and lo & behold, we meet Adam MacDonald there. after Adam MacD got off work, he said he'd meet us at in n out for lunch. rai, jai, and i (ahhh shit. FUNKadelic) then went to the comic shop to check out stuff, and poompoppow, we ran into Jim Shepherd. we hadn't seen Jimbo since we bumped into him at SDCC, and it was good to see that he was working at cards and comics now. i told him about the artRIOT (riotform.net) project, and he seemed down to participate in it.
it's funny. ryan, who knows full well about the artRIOT project and is supposed to be co-spearheading it with me and Amador, would usually meet a cool artist friend of ours and tell them about the gig, yet he would refer them to me for the full explanation.
anyways, after the comics store, we met Adam "Big Soft" MacDonald at in n out around the way, chilled, laughed, and had a good time there. i dont want to sound too mushy, but i miss the guy; he's one of my favorite former co-worker at LCRC. when we were done at in n out, we rolled out to borders to chill some more. we kicked it for the most part, didnt get much done, but eh. while there, ryan then found Daryl Watson there, and told him about artRIOT, and referred him to me for the skinny of the project. hah. Daryl and i talked biznass, mostly comic book industry related stuff. we told him about the book we were going to publish, and he gave us some words of advice, and even elaborated about his future plans of self-publication. grooviness.
the day ended with dinner at lai wah, as previously mentioned.

saturday, was a bit of a jumbled day. i THINK i chilled at home until 9pm, i dont remember. the events that occured after 9pm was reason enough for me to forget the mundane details of the day. we were supposed to go to oakland that morning, but instead the trip was cancelled. eh. ok, here's the deal: it was Elissa's 21st b-day party that night, but the plan had not gone as originally planned; the house that was to be the party location was unavailable, many invitees bailed, the party was moved to ex-boyfriend James' place. James bails early for a rave, the party is transferred to Jen Fong's house. 11:30pm. the party arrives at Jen's. Alex calls, Rai goes with me to pick him up for the party. plenty of Kaligula-esque escapades ensue after we return. i call up Diana, she rolls by, joy is me. Rai no feel good, a quandary arrives. problem resolved, Rai gets home later than normally allowed, and so do i. in the graces of near-strangers, i return home to crash. time is: 4:45am.

sunday, i wake up at 3pm. we missed church. Rai is on lockdown, i'm told. Jaime and Alex are still at Jen's asking me when i'll roll by. i finish homework. Orlando tells me he's rollin over to Jen's. i get ready and drop by. a cute girl is there, and it's not jen. oh well. we play tekken 4. i once again realize why i hate tekken. a small jam session with guitars happens. Rob rocks it on the acoustic. cute girl plays bass. Orlando leaves, we (Jaime, Alex, and i) follow. instead of the drop-off, we meet up at Alex's and chill for a bit. from Alex's, the four of us head over to a vietnamese/chinese restaurant for dinner, orlando's treat. conversation ranges from the plague of women, to biznass. after dinner, we head back, and get to meet Alex's roomie Liz. we watch the movie Go, and then go home. after Jaime's drop-off, i drop by Amador's place to pick up the illustrations he wants me to tone. i kick it for a bit, we catch up on how he got fired recently, among other things. he tells me about house of 1000 corpses, and i borrow it from him. come home. typed this up. yay.

this is crazy. of all my coming classwork combined, i will undoubtedly write half a million words this semester. i might be in over my head. way over my head.
at least i got my car back from the shop, and can go and do my own thing now. eh.

i had 4 and a half hours of sleep yesterday night/morning. and it was the night/morning before the first day of school, which is one of the busier days of a semester. i'm hardcore.

...and just as Karma gives me a pat on the back to say, "Hey, you deserve a bit of a reward for all the crap you've had to put up with," it instantly smacks me upside the head, telling me," What a dumbass, did you think you could really get away with it?" I mean, I've once again missed a very amazing opportunity lain on my lap, yet I flub it like a Michael Jordan dunk (sorry about the basketball reference, I've been playing NBA Street vol.2 almost nonstop lately). this missed chance isn't necessarily the only chance i have left at some kind of contentment, but was definitely a sure-shot missed nonetheless.
what to do, what to do? just a rhetorical question, i don't expect an answer anytime soon.