I think I fucked up...real bad
I woke up with a crick in my neck, must be from the 17 hours of sleep I had last night. 12 of those hours were wasted that could have been used to write up my essay. Now, I'm actually planning for the worst, since its already past the deadline to drop classes. It's 9:17am, and I've written ONE SENTENCE for a 10 page paper due at 10am today. What the fuck happened to me?
"At what price?" I once asked myself. At what price is it worth sacrificing my education just for some cash? Apparently, at the price of $7.50 an hour. God, I'm such an idiot.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Sunday, November 21, 2004
SUPERCONSUMER
I've charged up a shitstorm onto my credit card lately. Although I've never hit my card limit, this is nigh the closest I've gotten to excessive spending in a long while. Yesterday, I went to a ski/snowboard swap @ Cal Expo. Bought myself a parka impulsively, and then bought a snowboard on a whim. Grand total: $300
Today, I plan to drop by Toys R Us and buy a Nintendo DS, which just came out. Afterward, I've got to get some gas; another exorbitant expense. If I don't run into more things to buy, the prospective grand total would be $190.
And by the time I'm done with work (assuming I don't get fired before then), I might end up buying an Xbox + 4 controllers + Halo2, as well as around 5 Gamecube games + 2 controllers. Possible total: $700. Plus, I've got a cabin trip, snowboard boots + bindings, and a book publishing to pay for. Yay.
I've charged up a shitstorm onto my credit card lately. Although I've never hit my card limit, this is nigh the closest I've gotten to excessive spending in a long while. Yesterday, I went to a ski/snowboard swap @ Cal Expo. Bought myself a parka impulsively, and then bought a snowboard on a whim. Grand total: $300
Today, I plan to drop by Toys R Us and buy a Nintendo DS, which just came out. Afterward, I've got to get some gas; another exorbitant expense. If I don't run into more things to buy, the prospective grand total would be $190.
And by the time I'm done with work (assuming I don't get fired before then), I might end up buying an Xbox + 4 controllers + Halo2, as well as around 5 Gamecube games + 2 controllers. Possible total: $700. Plus, I've got a cabin trip, snowboard boots + bindings, and a book publishing to pay for. Yay.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
5am Shakedown
It was 4am, Saturday morning, November 13. The second night in a row at Jaime's house that me and about 12 friends got together to play Halo2 until we fell unconscious (or got sick of being fragged). The last survivors of the night were me, Jaime, Nolan, and Nick. Rob was sleeping on the couch in the family room. We decided to play one last match of free-for-all murderspree, 50 kills wins. After about 20 minutes, we're all tense with agitation, as the frags become frequent and the gameplay turns into a white-knuckle adrenaline rush of button mashing and cursing each other.
KNOCK KNOCK.
And let me tell you, that knock was no where near as tame as it sounds. It was more like a BAM BAM on the door. Nolan gets up to answer the door, while the rest of us breath in more slowly for the pause in gameplay. The door opens, and I can barely make out a navy jacket and one tell-tale icon patched to the jacket: POLICE. I was running on 33 hours without sleep, but still alert. Seeing the two officers at the door almost pushed me into paranoia. The white cop asks if they could 'come in and talk,' and I almost wanted to tell them to have their 'talk' outside. Instead, Jaime lets them in and thus begins the most ridiculous police encounter I've ever had. They ask if Nolan, as well as the rest of us, knew this Diana/Deana girl. For a split second I imagined that they were referring to my friend Diana. However, Nick stepped up and said that this particular girl was his co-worker (she had come to Jaime's house to kick-it, although I never knew her name), and he asked whether she was in trouble. This is the part where the thought of "Fuck the Police," comes to mind. Rather than answer a simple question coming from my friend, the white cop (there was an asian/filipino cop with him) switches into DRAGNET mode and begins to turn the questions around on him and implicate that he was at fault.
Nick: "Whats wrong, is she okay? Is she in trouble?"
Cop: "Why do YOU think she would be in trouble?"
Nick: "I don't know, MAYBE because you're in here asking us about her?"
Believe me, the girl seemed just fine the entire time she was at Jaime's. She had mysteriously left the house 30 or so minutes before the cops came, and it looked like both an ambulance and fire engine were outside because of her.
Cop: "So what's going on here, you guys partying?"
Jaime: "Uh...we're just hanging out and playing video games, sir"
The room was dark, no music was playing, and only four nocturnal souls were huddled around a big screen TV with Halo2 in pause. I don't believe thats called partying at 4 in the morning.
Cop #2 looks at Jaime's hookah and asks: "Well, what is this?"
Jaime: "Its...uh..something to smoke tobacco out of"
You must be a dumb police officer if you've never seen a hookah. We only use hookahs to smoke tobacco, we have plenty of pipes to smoke weed out of.
So the interrogation continued, but the white cop took Nick and their Q&A session into the kitchen while Nolan, Jaime, and I were left with the asian cop in the living room. The asian cop's questions were basic, and had no hint of entrapment in his voice. In the kitchen, I could hear the other cop asking Nick more questions, as well as Rob's snores. Eventually, I heard Nick's voice rise, which probably meant Nick was becoming frustrated by the cop's questions.
When they finished their chat, the cops went outside to reconvene, or exchange notes or whatever it is that cops do when they harass a bunch of guys playing Halo2.
They were gone for about 20 minutes, and the first few minutes after the door closed was the most agitating moment of silence I've ever had. The four of us just sat there, dumb-founded. Apparently, this girl had left the house in a fit, 911 was called, police thought that someone slipped a drug into her drink.
Nolan picked up his controller, and started to move around. I did the same, then Jaime did, too. Nick started to protest, saying that he can't play with such a heavy burden on his mind. He kept apologizing to Jaime because the cops came by on account of his co-worker. We tell him to loosen up, and to get his mind off it. I start to melee hit his idle character to get him to start playing again. After 6 or so melee strikes, his character dies, and he finally gets back into the mood to kill. Another 20 minutes pass by, and we're all back in the mood to shoot and kill; our minds are almost completely off the matter.
KNOCK KNOCK (more like THUD THUD).
Jaime opens the door, and we stop playing once more. The two cops have returned, but this time they made up their minds to tell us what crimes they assumed we had committed. So we're told the probably had a bad reaction to the hookah or weed smoke, and had most likely called the 911 thinking someone had dropped a date-rape drug into her drink. I almost felt glad it wasn't as worse as it could have been. But, the police encounter didn't end there.
Cop: "You kids need to watch who you party with, or next time there'll be trouble."
Okay, I probably shouldn't party with gamers next time, or I'd probably end up in jail because of them.
Before they left, the white cop, WITHOUT GIVING REASON, singled me out and told me to stand up. Then he told Nick to stand up again. We both looked at each other like, "WHAT THE FUCK?"
We're told to turn around. I almost, instinctively, put my hands on my head and began to move towards the wall with my legs spread apart. READY FOR THE PAT DOWN. I think Nick was ready to do that, too. Instead, the cop tells us to keep our hands at our side. With my back to the police, I felt kind of out of place. Either pat me down or slap some cuffs on, because I sure as hell dont look like Nick. He tells us to turn around, face front. I could see on Nolan and Jaime's faces, that they were also in a silent "WTF?" gesture.
Cop: "I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson tonight."
The four of us were still dumb-founded. What lesson? That girls will think they're dying and call the police? Not to have Halo2 gaming parties? That the police have nothing better to do at 5 in the morning then interrogate four guys who aren't making a large ruckus?
But the last thing the white cop said was the tipping point. He looked at me and Nick and left with some of the most idiotic words ever uttered out of a police officer's mouth.
Cop: "Wow. You guys are totally stoned. Hah hah."
FUCKING HELL.
NONE OF US were stoned at all. Probably 3 hours ago, but not at 5am. We were only high on adrenaline. I sure as hell wasn't even high on anything. I've been passing everytime it came to me for the past 5 months. He must have mistaken my vacant look for euphoria, when it was actually the fact that I hadn't slept since Thursday night (It was Saturday morning).
What a waste of playing time. In the end, I won the "50 Kill" match, with Jaime a close second place.
It was 4am, Saturday morning, November 13. The second night in a row at Jaime's house that me and about 12 friends got together to play Halo2 until we fell unconscious (or got sick of being fragged). The last survivors of the night were me, Jaime, Nolan, and Nick. Rob was sleeping on the couch in the family room. We decided to play one last match of free-for-all murderspree, 50 kills wins. After about 20 minutes, we're all tense with agitation, as the frags become frequent and the gameplay turns into a white-knuckle adrenaline rush of button mashing and cursing each other.
KNOCK KNOCK.
And let me tell you, that knock was no where near as tame as it sounds. It was more like a BAM BAM on the door. Nolan gets up to answer the door, while the rest of us breath in more slowly for the pause in gameplay. The door opens, and I can barely make out a navy jacket and one tell-tale icon patched to the jacket: POLICE. I was running on 33 hours without sleep, but still alert. Seeing the two officers at the door almost pushed me into paranoia. The white cop asks if they could 'come in and talk,' and I almost wanted to tell them to have their 'talk' outside. Instead, Jaime lets them in and thus begins the most ridiculous police encounter I've ever had. They ask if Nolan, as well as the rest of us, knew this Diana/Deana girl. For a split second I imagined that they were referring to my friend Diana. However, Nick stepped up and said that this particular girl was his co-worker (she had come to Jaime's house to kick-it, although I never knew her name), and he asked whether she was in trouble. This is the part where the thought of "Fuck the Police," comes to mind. Rather than answer a simple question coming from my friend, the white cop (there was an asian/filipino cop with him) switches into DRAGNET mode and begins to turn the questions around on him and implicate that he was at fault.
Nick: "Whats wrong, is she okay? Is she in trouble?"
Cop: "Why do YOU think she would be in trouble?"
Nick: "I don't know, MAYBE because you're in here asking us about her?"
Believe me, the girl seemed just fine the entire time she was at Jaime's. She had mysteriously left the house 30 or so minutes before the cops came, and it looked like both an ambulance and fire engine were outside because of her.
Cop: "So what's going on here, you guys partying?"
Jaime: "Uh...we're just hanging out and playing video games, sir"
The room was dark, no music was playing, and only four nocturnal souls were huddled around a big screen TV with Halo2 in pause. I don't believe thats called partying at 4 in the morning.
Cop #2 looks at Jaime's hookah and asks: "Well, what is this?"
Jaime: "Its...uh..something to smoke tobacco out of"
You must be a dumb police officer if you've never seen a hookah. We only use hookahs to smoke tobacco, we have plenty of pipes to smoke weed out of.
So the interrogation continued, but the white cop took Nick and their Q&A session into the kitchen while Nolan, Jaime, and I were left with the asian cop in the living room. The asian cop's questions were basic, and had no hint of entrapment in his voice. In the kitchen, I could hear the other cop asking Nick more questions, as well as Rob's snores. Eventually, I heard Nick's voice rise, which probably meant Nick was becoming frustrated by the cop's questions.
When they finished their chat, the cops went outside to reconvene, or exchange notes or whatever it is that cops do when they harass a bunch of guys playing Halo2.
They were gone for about 20 minutes, and the first few minutes after the door closed was the most agitating moment of silence I've ever had. The four of us just sat there, dumb-founded. Apparently, this girl had left the house in a fit, 911 was called, police thought that someone slipped a drug into her drink.
Nolan picked up his controller, and started to move around. I did the same, then Jaime did, too. Nick started to protest, saying that he can't play with such a heavy burden on his mind. He kept apologizing to Jaime because the cops came by on account of his co-worker. We tell him to loosen up, and to get his mind off it. I start to melee hit his idle character to get him to start playing again. After 6 or so melee strikes, his character dies, and he finally gets back into the mood to kill. Another 20 minutes pass by, and we're all back in the mood to shoot and kill; our minds are almost completely off the matter.
KNOCK KNOCK (more like THUD THUD).
Jaime opens the door, and we stop playing once more. The two cops have returned, but this time they made up their minds to tell us what crimes they assumed we had committed. So we're told the probably had a bad reaction to the hookah or weed smoke, and had most likely called the 911 thinking someone had dropped a date-rape drug into her drink. I almost felt glad it wasn't as worse as it could have been. But, the police encounter didn't end there.
Cop: "You kids need to watch who you party with, or next time there'll be trouble."
Okay, I probably shouldn't party with gamers next time, or I'd probably end up in jail because of them.
Before they left, the white cop, WITHOUT GIVING REASON, singled me out and told me to stand up. Then he told Nick to stand up again. We both looked at each other like, "WHAT THE FUCK?"
We're told to turn around. I almost, instinctively, put my hands on my head and began to move towards the wall with my legs spread apart. READY FOR THE PAT DOWN. I think Nick was ready to do that, too. Instead, the cop tells us to keep our hands at our side. With my back to the police, I felt kind of out of place. Either pat me down or slap some cuffs on, because I sure as hell dont look like Nick. He tells us to turn around, face front. I could see on Nolan and Jaime's faces, that they were also in a silent "WTF?" gesture.
Cop: "I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson tonight."
The four of us were still dumb-founded. What lesson? That girls will think they're dying and call the police? Not to have Halo2 gaming parties? That the police have nothing better to do at 5 in the morning then interrogate four guys who aren't making a large ruckus?
But the last thing the white cop said was the tipping point. He looked at me and Nick and left with some of the most idiotic words ever uttered out of a police officer's mouth.
Cop: "Wow. You guys are totally stoned. Hah hah."
FUCKING HELL.
NONE OF US were stoned at all. Probably 3 hours ago, but not at 5am. We were only high on adrenaline. I sure as hell wasn't even high on anything. I've been passing everytime it came to me for the past 5 months. He must have mistaken my vacant look for euphoria, when it was actually the fact that I hadn't slept since Thursday night (It was Saturday morning).
What a waste of playing time. In the end, I won the "50 Kill" match, with Jaime a close second place.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
CORPORATE ZOMBIEDOM
It's 7am in the morning, and I'm wide awake. I didnt sleep, actually. An hour ago was the end of my first week of work for the great retail tycoon that is Toys R Us. It's not as glamorous as expected. Hell, what's so glam about working an overnight stocking shift? I'm up all night playing with toys and the massive boxes they come in, I sleep in specific time frames during the day time, go to school and zone out for an hour, and essentially sacrifice a standard social life. This is what it is to be a corporate zombie.
But its not that bad, really. I found that I'm more able to survive a graveyard shift than I originally thought. Plus, my current crew of co-workers aren't so bad at all. Francisco is this cool cat from my hood that carpools with me, the shift manager is generally laidback, the new Toys R Us store is pretty badass, the male co-workers (like Ali, Mike, Phoung, Steve) are guys like me, and theres a pretty cute girl that works with us to boot. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll eventually be laid off right after Christmas ends, as my job is essentially seasonal. However, if I do a pretty good job of it, that could be bonus points for me if/when I try to re-apply for a standard daytime position.
The worst thing is that I don't get Friday nights to have fun. For instance, last night was the re-start of my cousins DJ'ing at Los Nopales, which is basically a free club in a bar/restaurant down in Old Sac.
Damn, the sun is starting to be more luminous, I better hibernate.
It's 7am in the morning, and I'm wide awake. I didnt sleep, actually. An hour ago was the end of my first week of work for the great retail tycoon that is Toys R Us. It's not as glamorous as expected. Hell, what's so glam about working an overnight stocking shift? I'm up all night playing with toys and the massive boxes they come in, I sleep in specific time frames during the day time, go to school and zone out for an hour, and essentially sacrifice a standard social life. This is what it is to be a corporate zombie.
But its not that bad, really. I found that I'm more able to survive a graveyard shift than I originally thought. Plus, my current crew of co-workers aren't so bad at all. Francisco is this cool cat from my hood that carpools with me, the shift manager is generally laidback, the new Toys R Us store is pretty badass, the male co-workers (like Ali, Mike, Phoung, Steve) are guys like me, and theres a pretty cute girl that works with us to boot. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll eventually be laid off right after Christmas ends, as my job is essentially seasonal. However, if I do a pretty good job of it, that could be bonus points for me if/when I try to re-apply for a standard daytime position.
The worst thing is that I don't get Friday nights to have fun. For instance, last night was the re-start of my cousins DJ'ing at Los Nopales, which is basically a free club in a bar/restaurant down in Old Sac.
Damn, the sun is starting to be more luminous, I better hibernate.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
INSOMNIMANIA
I pushed myself to go 40 hours without sleep.
Woke up at 11am on Friday and tried to get ready for a job interview. Needless to say, the liquor from the night before took its toll on my bowels and sleep pattern. I was unprepared for the the interview, but whatever. Afterward, I dropped by Ryan's house and watched him and Jaime play their own games of Fable. Eventually, I dropped by Alex's place and we headed back to Ryan's to begin a night of 9+ video gaming hours. At one point in the night, we were at Denny's or something, but that was a brief meal interlude for the hardcore Guilty Gear XX battling. At around 3am, we started watching movies, and after Evil Dead finished, Alex, and I followed Jaime back to his place to continue the night-long sleep rebellion.
Thus far, I've tied the last insomniac streak of 40 hours (2003 trip to LA for Independance Day). I'm still trying to go for the 48 hours of "Fuck Sleep" parade, but the opportunities are too rare to attempt that.
I pushed myself to go 40 hours without sleep.
Woke up at 11am on Friday and tried to get ready for a job interview. Needless to say, the liquor from the night before took its toll on my bowels and sleep pattern. I was unprepared for the the interview, but whatever. Afterward, I dropped by Ryan's house and watched him and Jaime play their own games of Fable. Eventually, I dropped by Alex's place and we headed back to Ryan's to begin a night of 9+ video gaming hours. At one point in the night, we were at Denny's or something, but that was a brief meal interlude for the hardcore Guilty Gear XX battling. At around 3am, we started watching movies, and after Evil Dead finished, Alex, and I followed Jaime back to his place to continue the night-long sleep rebellion.
Thus far, I've tied the last insomniac streak of 40 hours (2003 trip to LA for Independance Day). I'm still trying to go for the 48 hours of "Fuck Sleep" parade, but the opportunities are too rare to attempt that.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
TEQUILA SUNRISE
2 shots Tequila
4 oz. Orange Juice
1 oz of Grenadine
Pour tequila and orange juice into a glass half filled with ice. Pour in grenadine and allow to settle at bottom. Before drinking, stir.
This has become my favorite drink lately, especially since theres a big bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial lying around and I just bought some grenadine. Getting fairly buzzed at home is a good way to combat the emo that's threatening to invade.
2 shots Tequila
4 oz. Orange Juice
1 oz of Grenadine
Pour tequila and orange juice into a glass half filled with ice. Pour in grenadine and allow to settle at bottom. Before drinking, stir.
This has become my favorite drink lately, especially since theres a big bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial lying around and I just bought some grenadine. Getting fairly buzzed at home is a good way to combat the emo that's threatening to invade.
Friday, September 24, 2004
REPLAY
ONCE AGAIN. once a-fuckin-gain, the overwhelming feeling of disjointedness, the feeling of being lost, STRIKES me. like i'm a lightning rod in a shitstorm.
i dropped a crucial class, color theory. if i had kept it and been able to complete the class work, it would have been an advantage for me in the long run. alas, this is what i get for bad decisions.
whats worse, is that i had this goal to be able to churn out AT LEAST a page of sequential art every one and a half days. i did well for the first 4 days, and then the steam and fervor started to dwindle. if i can't get to work on my comic project, i will fall deeper into limbo. add to this doldrum of creativity the ever-changing circumstances of the BIG PICTURE, and i'm in some serious mental straits. i'm trying to unite the rag-tag group of internet artists i'm allied with to produce a BOOK, but things seem to keep slipping from my control. a good chunk of my crew, LJ/Travis/Sheldon/Stefan/Jakub are contributing to a book of equal immenseness, Void PULPO. so many factors keep skewing the plan. Vince has no scanner, Jonathan's reliability falters because he works too much, Danny is off the radar, Alpha is usually MIA, Seth barely draws anymore, Joe is a slack, Khris' schooling is higher priority, and Ryan is...Ryan. The only person i know that is willing to throw down is Steve.
i'm not sure what i can do anymore.
ONCE AGAIN. once a-fuckin-gain, the overwhelming feeling of disjointedness, the feeling of being lost, STRIKES me. like i'm a lightning rod in a shitstorm.
i dropped a crucial class, color theory. if i had kept it and been able to complete the class work, it would have been an advantage for me in the long run. alas, this is what i get for bad decisions.
whats worse, is that i had this goal to be able to churn out AT LEAST a page of sequential art every one and a half days. i did well for the first 4 days, and then the steam and fervor started to dwindle. if i can't get to work on my comic project, i will fall deeper into limbo. add to this doldrum of creativity the ever-changing circumstances of the BIG PICTURE, and i'm in some serious mental straits. i'm trying to unite the rag-tag group of internet artists i'm allied with to produce a BOOK, but things seem to keep slipping from my control. a good chunk of my crew, LJ/Travis/Sheldon/Stefan/Jakub are contributing to a book of equal immenseness, Void PULPO. so many factors keep skewing the plan. Vince has no scanner, Jonathan's reliability falters because he works too much, Danny is off the radar, Alpha is usually MIA, Seth barely draws anymore, Joe is a slack, Khris' schooling is higher priority, and Ryan is...Ryan. The only person i know that is willing to throw down is Steve.
i'm not sure what i can do anymore.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Friday, September 03, 2004
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Fuck all this EMO bullshit that seems to be dropkicking me in the head every other month. All it seems to do is put me at odds with my logical and sentimental sides. And all the while, it just slows down the development that I need. I'm going to just go hardcore and draw comics for the next few weeks, enough of the cat and mouse games. If I don't churn out a couple of pages of sequentials by Labor Day weekend, then I am officially brain dead.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Heatwave Blues.
The past few days has had some of the muggiest weather all summer. Incidentally, these past few days have also been permanently recorded as some of craziest I've had all year. Rewind, forreals.
I'll have to take it back about A YEAR ago. There's this girl, whom I've referenced in the past, that I used to casually date. Hell, I even like her enough to deeply care about her. Preposterous, but true. I tried to make the move last year, but was spurned and burned. Badly. Skip to winter, things get more confusing between her and I. But despite the weird circumstances that transpired, she and I are on pretty good terms. WHICH ADDS TO THE CONFUSION. Now, its a little more than a year after the times that we went out. I missed her birthday party bonanza. Intentionally. I didn't really want to further complicate this feeling of clarity I've had for the past three weeks. Things were starting to look promising for the path I was walking... I was partying, clubbing, bar-hopping with my older cousins throughout the summer...soaking in the kind of fun that my own friends can't offer...
THEN.
I get a call from her. And as you should know, her calling me is a rare event, and not without good reason. So she's at a bar with a friend or two. She's calling me out to meet her there. I'm at home in my boxers drawing (YES, I'm drawing again), getting back into an art groove. It really seems like she wants me to come out to the bar she's at. It's like a Wednesday, or something. I politely decline, saying something about school in the morning and blahblahblah. Truth is that I had been drinking back to back weekends through August, and I wanted to give the liver a rest for a change. So she sounds dejected, so I give her an alternative choice. It was my cousin's birthday party at some restaurant/bar downtown, and the DJ cousins of mine were also spinning for the night. The restaurant is converted into a bar/club on Fridays like these, with no cover charge. I tell her that we'll make up for the fact that I missed her birthday by meeting up Friday night. I figured, I can kill two birds with one stone by going to the birthday party and having her meet me there. Friday rolls by, and everything just about goes according to plan. By the time she arrived I had already finished a Long Island and two beers. We hit a Kamikaze shot together, and chill at the bar. I tell her to head to the small dancefloor and cut a rug. We dance the night away. The night is done at roughly 5am after a meal at a 24 hour diner with her, her friend Roberta, and my cousin Geno. Things look O.K. thus far, neutral and all that.
Sunday night is a big party for a friend's going-away to London. The usual crowd is there, and then some. I didnt drink much, several cups of juice mixed with vodka, a shot of Hennessey, shot of Vodka, two Bacardi 151 jello shots, a couple of beers. I'm in a comfy state of inebriation. Everyone else gets fairly smashed, except for Jaime and Eric. The dilemma presents itself. The details are sketchy, but for the most part of the night, she is extremely more flirty than I expect. And it doesnt even seem like it's completely directed towards me. Ok, so towards the end of the night, her charm is direct towards me. No big deal, I can hold my liquor as well as my inhibitions with expertise. Although the madness of the night MOST CERTAINLY did not revolve around her and I, the moment that plagued me the rest of the night (and even now) is the instance in which I tried to dive in and kiss her...INSTEAD, she kisses me.
The point of contention here is this: in all the moves I've made towards her, each time I was met with some kind of defiance from her. When I tried to kiss her before, the moment never succeeded. On Sunday night, she welcomed and beckoned my advances. Granted, there were others that night that attempted the same as I, but my intent was far more noble than theirs. Hell, even after the unexpected kiss, I had opportunities to CAPITALIZE. But I didn't. I just sat there. And pondered what goes on in her head.
True, she was drunk. Her inhibitions may have faltered that night. But the truth is, she's been just as drunk in times past, and she can handle herself as well as I. Perhaps even better on occasion. As I'm told from another friend, someone tried to make it with her at one point in the night; they kissed, but she pushed him back (allegedly). What does that mean for me? I'm not sure I want to know, or whether I should try to know. As I said before, I was set in my ways before this; I was sure there was nothing between us anymore...Hell, I was trying to get with a girl I met at a club before this came up (though that attempt was neglible).
Another thing that startles me about that kiss is this: the very same thing happened with me and Claudia. She had resisted me until one odd night that she just reciprocated my kiss. Now, a girl whom I hold in even higher esteem than Claudia is giving me feelings of bad ju-ju and deja-vu. Why am I hesitating?
The past few days has had some of the muggiest weather all summer. Incidentally, these past few days have also been permanently recorded as some of craziest I've had all year. Rewind, forreals.
I'll have to take it back about A YEAR ago. There's this girl, whom I've referenced in the past, that I used to casually date. Hell, I even like her enough to deeply care about her. Preposterous, but true. I tried to make the move last year, but was spurned and burned. Badly. Skip to winter, things get more confusing between her and I. But despite the weird circumstances that transpired, she and I are on pretty good terms. WHICH ADDS TO THE CONFUSION. Now, its a little more than a year after the times that we went out. I missed her birthday party bonanza. Intentionally. I didn't really want to further complicate this feeling of clarity I've had for the past three weeks. Things were starting to look promising for the path I was walking... I was partying, clubbing, bar-hopping with my older cousins throughout the summer...soaking in the kind of fun that my own friends can't offer...
THEN.
I get a call from her. And as you should know, her calling me is a rare event, and not without good reason. So she's at a bar with a friend or two. She's calling me out to meet her there. I'm at home in my boxers drawing (YES, I'm drawing again), getting back into an art groove. It really seems like she wants me to come out to the bar she's at. It's like a Wednesday, or something. I politely decline, saying something about school in the morning and blahblahblah. Truth is that I had been drinking back to back weekends through August, and I wanted to give the liver a rest for a change. So she sounds dejected, so I give her an alternative choice. It was my cousin's birthday party at some restaurant/bar downtown, and the DJ cousins of mine were also spinning for the night. The restaurant is converted into a bar/club on Fridays like these, with no cover charge. I tell her that we'll make up for the fact that I missed her birthday by meeting up Friday night. I figured, I can kill two birds with one stone by going to the birthday party and having her meet me there. Friday rolls by, and everything just about goes according to plan. By the time she arrived I had already finished a Long Island and two beers. We hit a Kamikaze shot together, and chill at the bar. I tell her to head to the small dancefloor and cut a rug. We dance the night away. The night is done at roughly 5am after a meal at a 24 hour diner with her, her friend Roberta, and my cousin Geno. Things look O.K. thus far, neutral and all that.
Sunday night is a big party for a friend's going-away to London. The usual crowd is there, and then some. I didnt drink much, several cups of juice mixed with vodka, a shot of Hennessey, shot of Vodka, two Bacardi 151 jello shots, a couple of beers. I'm in a comfy state of inebriation. Everyone else gets fairly smashed, except for Jaime and Eric. The dilemma presents itself. The details are sketchy, but for the most part of the night, she is extremely more flirty than I expect. And it doesnt even seem like it's completely directed towards me. Ok, so towards the end of the night, her charm is direct towards me. No big deal, I can hold my liquor as well as my inhibitions with expertise. Although the madness of the night MOST CERTAINLY did not revolve around her and I, the moment that plagued me the rest of the night (and even now) is the instance in which I tried to dive in and kiss her...INSTEAD, she kisses me.
The point of contention here is this: in all the moves I've made towards her, each time I was met with some kind of defiance from her. When I tried to kiss her before, the moment never succeeded. On Sunday night, she welcomed and beckoned my advances. Granted, there were others that night that attempted the same as I, but my intent was far more noble than theirs. Hell, even after the unexpected kiss, I had opportunities to CAPITALIZE. But I didn't. I just sat there. And pondered what goes on in her head.
True, she was drunk. Her inhibitions may have faltered that night. But the truth is, she's been just as drunk in times past, and she can handle herself as well as I. Perhaps even better on occasion. As I'm told from another friend, someone tried to make it with her at one point in the night; they kissed, but she pushed him back (allegedly). What does that mean for me? I'm not sure I want to know, or whether I should try to know. As I said before, I was set in my ways before this; I was sure there was nothing between us anymore...Hell, I was trying to get with a girl I met at a club before this came up (though that attempt was neglible).
Another thing that startles me about that kiss is this: the very same thing happened with me and Claudia. She had resisted me until one odd night that she just reciprocated my kiss. Now, a girl whom I hold in even higher esteem than Claudia is giving me feelings of bad ju-ju and deja-vu. Why am I hesitating?
Friday, August 06, 2004
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Jeezus.
It's been what, two weeks since I got back from San Diego? Consider this the first time I've actually gotten on track with ANYTHING since I got back. The trip was too much for words, and I definitely wish I were still in San Diego...at least for the rest of the summer or something.
However, returning to Sacramento life has gotten much more important lately, as a couple of major events are coming together in which I have a part to play.
For one, a major business venture/partnership has formed between my group and Terence's group. Essentially, Terence wants to help us get our names out in the art world. I'm still around 10% unsure about how everything will work out, but I'm game to actually get the ball rolling here.
Secondly, Alex's art show starts next saturday, at the Red Square Cafe off of Alhambra (in midtown). Although I fail to keep in touch with him and work on the details of the inaugural night of the art show, I'm sure we'll work it out and put together a great event. So far, I'm told at least two acts will perform at the cafe for the night of the art show, and we've got a dozen and one other things to go over to make the show more than a flop.
Anyway.
The summer blues has been setting in, and I'm sleeping in more often, and doing hardly anything productive now that I'm out of a job. On top of that, video games have been dominating my waking hours. School starts in a mere two weeks.
It's been what, two weeks since I got back from San Diego? Consider this the first time I've actually gotten on track with ANYTHING since I got back. The trip was too much for words, and I definitely wish I were still in San Diego...at least for the rest of the summer or something.
However, returning to Sacramento life has gotten much more important lately, as a couple of major events are coming together in which I have a part to play.
For one, a major business venture/partnership has formed between my group and Terence's group. Essentially, Terence wants to help us get our names out in the art world. I'm still around 10% unsure about how everything will work out, but I'm game to actually get the ball rolling here.
Secondly, Alex's art show starts next saturday, at the Red Square Cafe off of Alhambra (in midtown). Although I fail to keep in touch with him and work on the details of the inaugural night of the art show, I'm sure we'll work it out and put together a great event. So far, I'm told at least two acts will perform at the cafe for the night of the art show, and we've got a dozen and one other things to go over to make the show more than a flop.
Anyway.
The summer blues has been setting in, and I'm sleeping in more often, and doing hardly anything productive now that I'm out of a job. On top of that, video games have been dominating my waking hours. School starts in a mere two weeks.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Friday, July 16, 2004
i bought this EPIC game for my gamecube called Tales of Symphonia on thursday...you'd think that i'd just spend my waking hours immersing myself in this beautiful game, right? sadly, i've only played about 25 minutes worth of the game thus far. work and lack of sleep has been kicking the ass of my freetime lately. but hotfuckingdamn, this game has full clips of splendid anime and awe-inspiring graphics. it ALMOST beats out FFCC in terms of OMG factor.
in other news, my work term ends this coming tuesday, meaning i can only expect one last paycheck in august and it'll be off to claim unemployment. but the best part is that my seasonal position will potentially end RIGHT before i leave for SDCC. the worse part is that i'll be leaving behind a CACHE of hot chicks that work at FTB. dammit.
in other news, my work term ends this coming tuesday, meaning i can only expect one last paycheck in august and it'll be off to claim unemployment. but the best part is that my seasonal position will potentially end RIGHT before i leave for SDCC. the worse part is that i'll be leaving behind a CACHE of hot chicks that work at FTB. dammit.
HOT FUCKINGTON.
work today was...for some odd reason, one of the best ones. today was the third to the last day of work for me, and as usual, the cool things ALWAYS seem to happen at the latest possible moments. firstly, i got NOTHING done today, i basically zoned out for 8 hours straight. awesome. i probably DID get something done, but i can't remember because i was barely conscious.
normally, i'm anti-social at work, and i rarely talk to any of the people around me, only to laugh if i overhear a joke or something. today, however, i actually chatted with everyone around me, which probably added to my lack of production. oh well. talked to some of the cute asian girls that sit near me, took three too many smoke breaks, essentially i was the posterboy of bad employee. but it doesnt matter anymore, because my supervisor is gone, and the supervisor that was assigned to watch over us is somewhere deep in the cubicles out of sight. every other student assistant there dozed off on their desks.
OK, highlight of the work day: so there's this new starbucks stand outside of the nearby cafeteria, and for the past week or three, i've been eyeing the new girl they hired. cute, really cute. so i bought some random drink and basically talked to her for the whole of a break. her voice, oh god. basically, she's a cool cat, and was easy to talk to. and yeah.
but the real highlight of the day was sleeping in the chair out in the patio on the far side of the building. at 6am, NO ONE cares if you sleep in a chair during break or on top of your work. hahahahhahaha.
work today was...for some odd reason, one of the best ones. today was the third to the last day of work for me, and as usual, the cool things ALWAYS seem to happen at the latest possible moments. firstly, i got NOTHING done today, i basically zoned out for 8 hours straight. awesome. i probably DID get something done, but i can't remember because i was barely conscious.
normally, i'm anti-social at work, and i rarely talk to any of the people around me, only to laugh if i overhear a joke or something. today, however, i actually chatted with everyone around me, which probably added to my lack of production. oh well. talked to some of the cute asian girls that sit near me, took three too many smoke breaks, essentially i was the posterboy of bad employee. but it doesnt matter anymore, because my supervisor is gone, and the supervisor that was assigned to watch over us is somewhere deep in the cubicles out of sight. every other student assistant there dozed off on their desks.
OK, highlight of the work day: so there's this new starbucks stand outside of the nearby cafeteria, and for the past week or three, i've been eyeing the new girl they hired. cute, really cute. so i bought some random drink and basically talked to her for the whole of a break. her voice, oh god. basically, she's a cool cat, and was easy to talk to. and yeah.
but the real highlight of the day was sleeping in the chair out in the patio on the far side of the building. at 6am, NO ONE cares if you sleep in a chair during break or on top of your work. hahahahhahaha.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
I shall be creating a blog of some form where I will jot down and showcase the various rhymes I concoct (and have concocted). This way, I will get better used to the patterns I create and figure out how to master my style. Be forewarned, when I transform into a bloodthirsty emcee, it gets vicious; a side of me that I normally stifle roams wild and devours the enemy. I call him Artofact.