2004 out the door

What a interestingly weird year. Long story short, I partied hard, and have more of an idea of what kind of a person I'm going to be for the next 5 or so years. I've picked up snowboarding once more, I'm a wise alchoholic, I am Respark. Fuck the manifesto, on to the countdown.

Highlights of the Year
1. San Diego Comicon Internationl 2004 (July): fun for all ages. Mostly for the legal drunk age. A two-level hotel suite and a score of artsy cats getting crunk. Nothing really beats that.
2. El Cabino 2004 (Jan): a week long get-away of pure debauchery and snow. My gut still rumbles from the thought of the drunken nights in Tahoe.
3. Halloween Party/Zombie Soiree (Oct): zombies, liquor, and intentional cosplay. One of the most fun nights I've had all year.

Most Hammered
1. Happy Garden/Elk Grove Club (Aug): nights out to the bar/club with cousins? Nothing can truly beat that. Even though I was semi-broke at the time, I still was able to get drunk courtesy of my awesome family.
2. Chico Party (Mar): a triple shot of Jack after eating three pizzas to start off a night of drunkeness with my old classmates. I can only remember kicking it in the street, and the extra strong puke I dumped into Shannon's sink. Yum.
3. El Cabino 2004 (Jan): I lost a game of Kings that was upped to the extreme ante of clearing out a table of unfinished drinks. Fast forward 6 hours later and I wake up with my head in a bathroom tub.

Notches
1. Road Warrior Status: I made it to and from San Diego in one piece. Except the drive back nearly killed all of us because me and my back-up drivers were sleepy as hell, hahahahah.
2. Respark's Soul: I built it, and they came. Respark has risen over what I originally intended when I wanted to be a hosting ring, it's BETTER than anything I ever dreamed.
3. Drunk Driver: I've demonstrated many times over the summer that I could drive myself and others around town while being reasonable shit-faced. So don't ever be afraid to ask for a ride from me when I've downed at least 5 shots of hard liquor. BECAUSE I'LL MAKE YOU BE MY PASSENGER.

Theres actually much more to this list, but I don't quite remember what feats I pulled off this year. Thank you, liquor and drugs.

Tonight is the last night of my enslavement to corporate servitude. And I'm 10x as glad it's tonight. Last night was a tedious night of cleaning up the warehouse section of the store, which is quite a big chunk of real estate. I probably inhaled an ounce of concrete particles and dust the whole 7 hours, and I get to pay for that with a disgusting machine-gun hack and cough this morning. FINALLY THIS INSANE EXPERIENCE IS GOING TO BE OVER.

God, the last half of this year seemed to have flown by. I'm already thinking of what I'm going to write in my year-end synopsis/review of how 2004 was for me. Damn.

I am a stagnant and loathing cunt of a man.

Swaggering around the edges of the end

This past week...hell, the past day or two...have been extremely hectic. It's insane to think that I've just about redeemed two months of hard work for one night of hard play. And every day blended into one due to my zombie work status. Thursday, though. Thursday was a night that was pure bananas.

I didn't get any sleep Wednesday night, because I slept all day after work, and barely woke up in time to hang out with some of the usuals at the Monkeyhouse. I got home around 3am, having felt nice and toasty with a couple of beers and a session with the Scag Baron himself. I tried to sleep, but couldn't force myself to add another 3 hours to the grand total of 14 or so hours of sleep. 6am finally rolled by, and it was high time for me to roll out for the first half of my day of rockin out.

I picked up Leo and Brian, and drove the three of us to Boreal for an afternoon's ride. The snow was hard packed, but the day was great all around. It hurt, but the pain I inflicted on myself kept the adrenaline flowing and the recklessness in gear. We capped the trip with In n Out in Auburn and three times the rush hour traffic.

When I got home from kicking it at Leo's house, I barely got the chance to take a shower before the calls started coming in about tonight's bar plans. I first heard Pinecove, then Streets of London, and mixed opinions of when and where. Eventually, we rolled out to Streets early so we could sneak Nick into the bar. Needless to say, the plan worked and he got to side-step the rules. Stouts upon stouts were consumed by me and my friends, and by 11pm, the whole lot of us had a group-wide beer buzz. After my first guinness, I walked with Diana, Jaime, and Van to Mikuni's for a quick shot (since Streets of London didn't have a full bar). Being the generously rich sap that I am (or was), I fronted the bill for just about any drink my homeskizzles wanted. Four shots of Johnnie Walker Black Label cost me 30. I probably picked up the tab for half of the pints ordered. The eventual late night meal at Shari's cost me about 10 for Diana's quesadillas. The rum, gin, tequila, and triple sec at the Monkeyhouse set me back around $50. A night of instant-classic moments eventually ended at 5am for me, and it was great.

Friday would become my first day of Christmas shopping, with my first purchase going to my little sister (who wanted some $40 pea coat), and Orlando and Jaime's gifts. Being Saturday now, I fucked up once more and forgot to shop for the other people on my list, like my own mom. Oh well, shopping continues tomorrow. As well as the slow descent into brokedness.

DAMNIT

I went to sleep at 7pm or so, and woke up at 4am. This is what happens when I get random weekdays off. My bad, Alex. However, when I woke up at 4am, I ate an 8-hours-too-late dinner, and proceeded to smoke a cig afterwards in the early morning rain. As I inhaled the addictive fumes, I realized I could and SHOULD drive my ass straight to north Tahoe and snowboard solo. The timing was almost perfect; it was a few hours away from the standard opening times of ski resorts, and it was raining in the valley (which meant there would be a new layer of snow in the mountains. All I needed was to tune (wax) my board, and I was ready to hit whatever the mountain threw at me.

Alas, I realized I had some shit to straighten out today, and ignoring this business would be bad. Next week, definitely. Or at least Saturday. Ride Or Die season commences.

Dear Rod,

I'm sorry I've been absent lately, but it just seems like I'm not really needed right now. You've ignored my advice recently, and it resulted in nearly a thousand dollars of credit card charges in a mere three days. I think it would be best if we didn't hang out so often anymore, because you might actually get me into some serious trouble, too. I mean, its great we're like partners and all, but you and me combined could be epicly retarded. Like deciding to work a graveyard shift, dropping out of useful college classes, and trying to publish a book? As I said, idiotic to the highest degree.
Admittedly, I know we have a lot of work left to do together, but right now, I got to do things for me. Give me some time, things will be okay in a week or so. Eh, what the hell, I'm lying. You're screwed after three hours without my help. Fuck it, I'm out of here.

Sincerely,
Your brain

CBMM

Tomorrow will be one of the best days of the year. The long awaited COMIC BOOK MOVIE MARATHON can finally come to fruition for nerds worldwide. MUTHAFUCKIN SPIDERMAN2 COMES OUT ON DVD. WHAT WHAT.

Here's a sample line-up of movies that can be played for at least 24 hours of geeky drooling. Let's start with the crappiest, and then work up to the best of the superhero inspired cinema.

Daredevil (2003)
I kind of liked this movie at first, although there were many stylistic changes to the concept. It worked on the basic level, but altogether it didn't make me love comics as much as the other movies.

The Hulk (2003)
I wanted to give this movie a chance, hell, Ang Lee even experimented with sequential panel cinematography. However, it was a failure in experimentation, as the stylized paneling detracted from the experience. Plus the acting was quite whack.

The Punisher (2003)
This movie ALMOST had me fooled as being badass, but alas, there is no way to make The Punisher a true hardcore savage in live action. I suppose no one realizes that the real Punisher is a machine of death and vengeance, not some emo/rock soundtrack.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
I liked it. Fuck, I liked this movie a lot. Although it didn't stay completely true to the Alan Moore books, it was a treat to witness legendary fiction heroes duke it out in classic fashion.

Blade (1998)
NOW the movie line-up is getting intense. Blade was the first in a new generation of comic book movies that stayed true to its roots as well as brought a level of modern rockstar quality to a franchise. Thankfully, the half-vampire, half-human Midnight Son wasn't a household name, so there was plenty of sauce that the movie could bring to the table.

Blade 2 (2002)
Cherish a movie if it can turn out to be better than it's prequel. Not only did this sequel introduce a fresh new angle to the Blade story, but it added a sexy amount of CG that didn't make the movie too cheesy. Although the whole movie had the hint of mozarella flowing through each scene, it still made me laugh and cry, "OH SHIT" at the same time.

X-Men (2000)
Instant Classic. Cult Hit. Genre Defining. Name it, this movie has got it. Bryan Singer took a relatively young franchise (though highly popular) and reshaped it to suit a new generation. It was anti-hero and boyscout at the same time. It was white knuckle and thought provoking. An ensemble cast, as well as ingenious imagery made this movie a flagship of comic book cinema.

X-Men 2 (2003)
Once again, the sequel just about outshines the first. Not only that, but the sequel almost redefined that which sought to redefine itself. Anyway, the X-Men sequel kicked ass and took names.

Hellboy (2004)
If it werent for the fact that Spiderman came out before this movie, it would have defintely taken the highest honors in my mind. True to text plot, beautiful imagery, irresistable dialogue, inside jokes galore. If you're an avid Hellboy/Mignola fan, this movie would have you hooked. Until Sin City comes out, Guillermo Del Toro and Mike Mignola combined produced a perfect comic book film.

Spiderman (2002)
The greatest comic book movie since Tim Burton's Batman. It was sublime in it's take on the Spiderman mythology, insanely great in execution, and overall made my inner-geek splooge all over the walls of my brain membrane. Sam Raimi rocked this movie out.

Spiderman 2 (2004)
I'd say its a beautiful streak that the comic book movie sequels have been top-notch in comparison to their predecessors. Better than the first in every category that the previous movie excelled in. The fights were glorious, the story was dramatic and gripping, the nerd factor was raised to x50. Bonus points on the Evil Dead homage, Sam Raimi.

I think I fucked up...real bad

I woke up with a crick in my neck, must be from the 17 hours of sleep I had last night. 12 of those hours were wasted that could have been used to write up my essay. Now, I'm actually planning for the worst, since its already past the deadline to drop classes. It's 9:17am, and I've written ONE SENTENCE for a 10 page paper due at 10am today. What the fuck happened to me?

"At what price?" I once asked myself. At what price is it worth sacrificing my education just for some cash? Apparently, at the price of $7.50 an hour. God, I'm such an idiot.

SUPERCONSUMER

I've charged up a shitstorm onto my credit card lately. Although I've never hit my card limit, this is nigh the closest I've gotten to excessive spending in a long while. Yesterday, I went to a ski/snowboard swap @ Cal Expo. Bought myself a parka impulsively, and then bought a snowboard on a whim. Grand total: $300

Today, I plan to drop by Toys R Us and buy a Nintendo DS, which just came out. Afterward, I've got to get some gas; another exorbitant expense. If I don't run into more things to buy, the prospective grand total would be $190.

And by the time I'm done with work (assuming I don't get fired before then), I might end up buying an Xbox + 4 controllers + Halo2, as well as around 5 Gamecube games + 2 controllers. Possible total: $700. Plus, I've got a cabin trip, snowboard boots + bindings, and a book publishing to pay for. Yay.

5am Shakedown

It was 4am, Saturday morning, November 13. The second night in a row at Jaime's house that me and about 12 friends got together to play Halo2 until we fell unconscious (or got sick of being fragged). The last survivors of the night were me, Jaime, Nolan, and Nick. Rob was sleeping on the couch in the family room. We decided to play one last match of free-for-all murderspree, 50 kills wins. After about 20 minutes, we're all tense with agitation, as the frags become frequent and the gameplay turns into a white-knuckle adrenaline rush of button mashing and cursing each other.

KNOCK KNOCK.

And let me tell you, that knock was no where near as tame as it sounds. It was more like a BAM BAM on the door. Nolan gets up to answer the door, while the rest of us breath in more slowly for the pause in gameplay. The door opens, and I can barely make out a navy jacket and one tell-tale icon patched to the jacket: POLICE. I was running on 33 hours without sleep, but still alert. Seeing the two officers at the door almost pushed me into paranoia. The white cop asks if they could 'come in and talk,' and I almost wanted to tell them to have their 'talk' outside. Instead, Jaime lets them in and thus begins the most ridiculous police encounter I've ever had. They ask if Nolan, as well as the rest of us, knew this Diana/Deana girl. For a split second I imagined that they were referring to my friend Diana. However, Nick stepped up and said that this particular girl was his co-worker (she had come to Jaime's house to kick-it, although I never knew her name), and he asked whether she was in trouble. This is the part where the thought of "Fuck the Police," comes to mind. Rather than answer a simple question coming from my friend, the white cop (there was an asian/filipino cop with him) switches into DRAGNET mode and begins to turn the questions around on him and implicate that he was at fault.

Nick: "Whats wrong, is she okay? Is she in trouble?"
Cop: "Why do YOU think she would be in trouble?"
Nick: "I don't know, MAYBE because you're in here asking us about her?"

Believe me, the girl seemed just fine the entire time she was at Jaime's. She had mysteriously left the house 30 or so minutes before the cops came, and it looked like both an ambulance and fire engine were outside because of her.

Cop: "So what's going on here, you guys partying?"
Jaime: "Uh...we're just hanging out and playing video games, sir"

The room was dark, no music was playing, and only four nocturnal souls were huddled around a big screen TV with Halo2 in pause. I don't believe thats called partying at 4 in the morning.

Cop #2 looks at Jaime's hookah and asks: "Well, what is this?"
Jaime: "Its...uh..something to smoke tobacco out of"

You must be a dumb police officer if you've never seen a hookah. We only use hookahs to smoke tobacco, we have plenty of pipes to smoke weed out of.

So the interrogation continued, but the white cop took Nick and their Q&A session into the kitchen while Nolan, Jaime, and I were left with the asian cop in the living room. The asian cop's questions were basic, and had no hint of entrapment in his voice. In the kitchen, I could hear the other cop asking Nick more questions, as well as Rob's snores. Eventually, I heard Nick's voice rise, which probably meant Nick was becoming frustrated by the cop's questions.
When they finished their chat, the cops went outside to reconvene, or exchange notes or whatever it is that cops do when they harass a bunch of guys playing Halo2.

They were gone for about 20 minutes, and the first few minutes after the door closed was the most agitating moment of silence I've ever had. The four of us just sat there, dumb-founded. Apparently, this girl had left the house in a fit, 911 was called, police thought that someone slipped a drug into her drink.

Nolan picked up his controller, and started to move around. I did the same, then Jaime did, too. Nick started to protest, saying that he can't play with such a heavy burden on his mind. He kept apologizing to Jaime because the cops came by on account of his co-worker. We tell him to loosen up, and to get his mind off it. I start to melee hit his idle character to get him to start playing again. After 6 or so melee strikes, his character dies, and he finally gets back into the mood to kill. Another 20 minutes pass by, and we're all back in the mood to shoot and kill; our minds are almost completely off the matter.

KNOCK KNOCK (more like THUD THUD).

Jaime opens the door, and we stop playing once more. The two cops have returned, but this time they made up their minds to tell us what crimes they assumed we had committed. So we're told the probably had a bad reaction to the hookah or weed smoke, and had most likely called the 911 thinking someone had dropped a date-rape drug into her drink. I almost felt glad it wasn't as worse as it could have been. But, the police encounter didn't end there.

Cop: "You kids need to watch who you party with, or next time there'll be trouble."

Okay, I probably shouldn't party with gamers next time, or I'd probably end up in jail because of them.

Before they left, the white cop, WITHOUT GIVING REASON, singled me out and told me to stand up. Then he told Nick to stand up again. We both looked at each other like, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

We're told to turn around. I almost, instinctively, put my hands on my head and began to move towards the wall with my legs spread apart. READY FOR THE PAT DOWN. I think Nick was ready to do that, too. Instead, the cop tells us to keep our hands at our side. With my back to the police, I felt kind of out of place. Either pat me down or slap some cuffs on, because I sure as hell dont look like Nick. He tells us to turn around, face front. I could see on Nolan and Jaime's faces, that they were also in a silent "WTF?" gesture.

Cop: "I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson tonight."

The four of us were still dumb-founded. What lesson? That girls will think they're dying and call the police? Not to have Halo2 gaming parties? That the police have nothing better to do at 5 in the morning then interrogate four guys who aren't making a large ruckus?

But the last thing the white cop said was the tipping point. He looked at me and Nick and left with some of the most idiotic words ever uttered out of a police officer's mouth.

Cop: "Wow. You guys are totally stoned. Hah hah."

FUCKING HELL.

NONE OF US were stoned at all. Probably 3 hours ago, but not at 5am. We were only high on adrenaline. I sure as hell wasn't even high on anything. I've been passing everytime it came to me for the past 5 months. He must have mistaken my vacant look for euphoria, when it was actually the fact that I hadn't slept since Thursday night (It was Saturday morning).

What a waste of playing time. In the end, I won the "50 Kill" match, with Jaime a close second place.

CORPORATE ZOMBIEDOM

It's 7am in the morning, and I'm wide awake. I didnt sleep, actually. An hour ago was the end of my first week of work for the great retail tycoon that is Toys R Us. It's not as glamorous as expected. Hell, what's so glam about working an overnight stocking shift? I'm up all night playing with toys and the massive boxes they come in, I sleep in specific time frames during the day time, go to school and zone out for an hour, and essentially sacrifice a standard social life. This is what it is to be a corporate zombie.

But its not that bad, really. I found that I'm more able to survive a graveyard shift than I originally thought. Plus, my current crew of co-workers aren't so bad at all. Francisco is this cool cat from my hood that carpools with me, the shift manager is generally laidback, the new Toys R Us store is pretty badass, the male co-workers (like Ali, Mike, Phoung, Steve) are guys like me, and theres a pretty cute girl that works with us to boot. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll eventually be laid off right after Christmas ends, as my job is essentially seasonal. However, if I do a pretty good job of it, that could be bonus points for me if/when I try to re-apply for a standard daytime position.

The worst thing is that I don't get Friday nights to have fun. For instance, last night was the re-start of my cousins DJ'ing at Los Nopales, which is basically a free club in a bar/restaurant down in Old Sac.

Damn, the sun is starting to be more luminous, I better hibernate.

INSOMNIMANIA

I pushed myself to go 40 hours without sleep.

Woke up at 11am on Friday and tried to get ready for a job interview. Needless to say, the liquor from the night before took its toll on my bowels and sleep pattern. I was unprepared for the the interview, but whatever. Afterward, I dropped by Ryan's house and watched him and Jaime play their own games of Fable. Eventually, I dropped by Alex's place and we headed back to Ryan's to begin a night of 9+ video gaming hours. At one point in the night, we were at Denny's or something, but that was a brief meal interlude for the hardcore Guilty Gear XX battling. At around 3am, we started watching movies, and after Evil Dead finished, Alex, and I followed Jaime back to his place to continue the night-long sleep rebellion.

Thus far, I've tied the last insomniac streak of 40 hours (2003 trip to LA for Independance Day). I'm still trying to go for the 48 hours of "Fuck Sleep" parade, but the opportunities are too rare to attempt that.

TEQUILA SUNRISE

2 shots Tequila
4 oz. Orange Juice
1 oz of Grenadine

Pour tequila and orange juice into a glass half filled with ice. Pour in grenadine and allow to settle at bottom. Before drinking, stir.

This has become my favorite drink lately, especially since theres a big bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial lying around and I just bought some grenadine. Getting fairly buzzed at home is a good way to combat the emo that's threatening to invade.

REPLAY

ONCE AGAIN. once a-fuckin-gain, the overwhelming feeling of disjointedness, the feeling of being lost, STRIKES me. like i'm a lightning rod in a shitstorm.

i dropped a crucial class, color theory. if i had kept it and been able to complete the class work, it would have been an advantage for me in the long run. alas, this is what i get for bad decisions.

whats worse, is that i had this goal to be able to churn out AT LEAST a page of sequential art every one and a half days. i did well for the first 4 days, and then the steam and fervor started to dwindle. if i can't get to work on my comic project, i will fall deeper into limbo. add to this doldrum of creativity the ever-changing circumstances of the BIG PICTURE, and i'm in some serious mental straits. i'm trying to unite the rag-tag group of internet artists i'm allied with to produce a BOOK, but things seem to keep slipping from my control. a good chunk of my crew, LJ/Travis/Sheldon/Stefan/Jakub are contributing to a book of equal immenseness, Void PULPO. so many factors keep skewing the plan. Vince has no scanner, Jonathan's reliability falters because he works too much, Danny is off the radar, Alpha is usually MIA, Seth barely draws anymore, Joe is a slack, Khris' schooling is higher priority, and Ryan is...Ryan. The only person i know that is willing to throw down is Steve.

i'm not sure what i can do anymore.

I just got to the end of one of my ropes. Back to sub-par academic performance.

Jaime's house must hate me or something.

ABSINTHE FUCKIN ROCKS.

and girls are always a disappointment.

Fuck all this EMO bullshit that seems to be dropkicking me in the head every other month. All it seems to do is put me at odds with my logical and sentimental sides. And all the while, it just slows down the development that I need. I'm going to just go hardcore and draw comics for the next few weeks, enough of the cat and mouse games. If I don't churn out a couple of pages of sequentials by Labor Day weekend, then I am officially brain dead.

Heatwave Blues.

The past few days has had some of the muggiest weather all summer. Incidentally, these past few days have also been permanently recorded as some of craziest I've had all year. Rewind, forreals.

I'll have to take it back about A YEAR ago. There's this girl, whom I've referenced in the past, that I used to casually date. Hell, I even like her enough to deeply care about her. Preposterous, but true. I tried to make the move last year, but was spurned and burned. Badly. Skip to winter, things get more confusing between her and I. But despite the weird circumstances that transpired, she and I are on pretty good terms. WHICH ADDS TO THE CONFUSION. Now, its a little more than a year after the times that we went out. I missed her birthday party bonanza. Intentionally. I didn't really want to further complicate this feeling of clarity I've had for the past three weeks. Things were starting to look promising for the path I was walking... I was partying, clubbing, bar-hopping with my older cousins throughout the summer...soaking in the kind of fun that my own friends can't offer...

THEN.

I get a call from her. And as you should know, her calling me is a rare event, and not without good reason. So she's at a bar with a friend or two. She's calling me out to meet her there. I'm at home in my boxers drawing (YES, I'm drawing again), getting back into an art groove. It really seems like she wants me to come out to the bar she's at. It's like a Wednesday, or something. I politely decline, saying something about school in the morning and blahblahblah. Truth is that I had been drinking back to back weekends through August, and I wanted to give the liver a rest for a change. So she sounds dejected, so I give her an alternative choice. It was my cousin's birthday party at some restaurant/bar downtown, and the DJ cousins of mine were also spinning for the night. The restaurant is converted into a bar/club on Fridays like these, with no cover charge. I tell her that we'll make up for the fact that I missed her birthday by meeting up Friday night. I figured, I can kill two birds with one stone by going to the birthday party and having her meet me there. Friday rolls by, and everything just about goes according to plan. By the time she arrived I had already finished a Long Island and two beers. We hit a Kamikaze shot together, and chill at the bar. I tell her to head to the small dancefloor and cut a rug. We dance the night away. The night is done at roughly 5am after a meal at a 24 hour diner with her, her friend Roberta, and my cousin Geno. Things look O.K. thus far, neutral and all that.

Sunday night is a big party for a friend's going-away to London. The usual crowd is there, and then some. I didnt drink much, several cups of juice mixed with vodka, a shot of Hennessey, shot of Vodka, two Bacardi 151 jello shots, a couple of beers. I'm in a comfy state of inebriation. Everyone else gets fairly smashed, except for Jaime and Eric. The dilemma presents itself. The details are sketchy, but for the most part of the night, she is extremely more flirty than I expect. And it doesnt even seem like it's completely directed towards me. Ok, so towards the end of the night, her charm is direct towards me. No big deal, I can hold my liquor as well as my inhibitions with expertise. Although the madness of the night MOST CERTAINLY did not revolve around her and I, the moment that plagued me the rest of the night (and even now) is the instance in which I tried to dive in and kiss her...INSTEAD, she kisses me.

The point of contention here is this: in all the moves I've made towards her, each time I was met with some kind of defiance from her. When I tried to kiss her before, the moment never succeeded. On Sunday night, she welcomed and beckoned my advances. Granted, there were others that night that attempted the same as I, but my intent was far more noble than theirs. Hell, even after the unexpected kiss, I had opportunities to CAPITALIZE. But I didn't. I just sat there. And pondered what goes on in her head.

True, she was drunk. Her inhibitions may have faltered that night. But the truth is, she's been just as drunk in times past, and she can handle herself as well as I. Perhaps even better on occasion. As I'm told from another friend, someone tried to make it with her at one point in the night; they kissed, but she pushed him back (allegedly). What does that mean for me? I'm not sure I want to know, or whether I should try to know. As I said before, I was set in my ways before this; I was sure there was nothing between us anymore...Hell, I was trying to get with a girl I met at a club before this came up (though that attempt was neglible).

Another thing that startles me about that kiss is this: the very same thing happened with me and Claudia. She had resisted me until one odd night that she just reciprocated my kiss. Now, a girl whom I hold in even higher esteem than Claudia is giving me feelings of bad ju-ju and deja-vu. Why am I hesitating?