Monday, February 14, 2005

I fear this day more so than my own birthday.

Apathy, self-loathing, spite, angst, bitterness, all that shit rolled into one within a span of 24 hours. And I thought the fear of turning 22 would get to me. Nope. Its the fear of being completely alone at a table of friends. Goddamn Bright Eyes lyrics are creeping into the back of my skull.

So what am I going to do. Last year, It was a weekend, so I was able to just meet up with my cousins and kick it with a few drinks. This time, its a fuckin Monday, the most inopportune day of the week. Eh, we'll see how the day unfolds. I really just want it to be done and over with, so that the President's Day weekend San Diego trip can be NOW. Actually, I just wish summer were now. Or at least year 40. Pull a string, fast forward through life, like that Saturday afternoon cartoon special. I thought I was done with that "EMO" thing. Guess I was wrong, eh? Hear I am, listening to a completely SOMBER album by Bright Eyes, having just drawn the most twisted thing my mind could conceive and wallowing.


This cough is killing me, made my thoughts scrambled. I went downstairs and consumed a cocktail of medicines to fight this hacking and sneezing. The scariest thing is, I stood there and contemplated taking 12 too many aspirin and whatever lay in front of me. And then I thought. No. Don't do that.

What would I have lived for? WHAT DO I LIVE FOR NOW?

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