holy crap. i was snooping around in my workhorse-of-a-website on geocities, and found a crapload of my old web designs. hell, i forgot i even did most of them. at least i know i have some kind of portfolio of work hidden away somewhere, and i'm currently in the process of archiving them onto my computer for future reference. actually, i'm quite proud of most of these designs, and i'm going to try and format them to be PC friendly.
heres the link to all of my 'creations' of ages past:
Acoustic Expression (the Dashboard Confessional days)
Emocore: Dig it Sucka ('emo' inspired)
Interim: Nothing's Permanent (winter theme)
vision imperial (a partial design)
too bad liquid2k sucks balls, because i think i have at least one design sitting in my old account. sub-central.com had my current "maverick" theme, but its all kaput now. oh well.
No Brainer is the current design. really simplistic, took me 45 minutes or so. really sucks, too. hahahahahahha.

PAINNNNN. Not that bad though. Just the left side of my jaw hurts because the wisdom tooth on that side was the one that was growing at an almost perpendicular angle. i'm trying to sleep the day away, but the gauze pads get to annoying to deal with. man, i could really go for good foods, rather than the prospect of cold soup and smoothies. bahhhh.
what i wanted to do, since i'm not supposed to talk (it'll strain the muscles trying to recuperate), i was going to get some speakers and connect them to my laptop and type what i wanted to say and make the computer speak the text. Hawkings style, baby.

blargh. just finished up eight hours of work today. apparently, i won't ever be furloughed (sent home due to lack of work) now that i learned a new workload. yay, i think? i think i can play hooky with work every so often, since my boss is pretty laid back. shouldn't over-do it, though. seems plans are confirmed for a snowboarding trip monday, april 14. that'll be a day i'll have to find a really clever excuse to get out of work. still thinking about the foolproof plan to pull it off. must confirm with ron about those discounted ski lift/rental package coupons, for i will try to invite a friend to snowboard with us.
T-Minus 11 hours, 15 minutes, 54 seconds until pure pain and havok will be wreaked upon my mouth, my wisdom teeth in particular. hopefully i can get the doc to hook me up with some painkillers like vicodin. that way i can pop those pills even after the pain is gone. drug addiction, here i come.
i was inflicted with the most heinous paper cut today. of all the injuries that could draw blood, these damned paper cuts seem to be the most painful. oh the irony of enormous pain coming from miniscule lacerations.

thoughts are running rampant with ways to ditch work, lying in pain, and why i can't seem to finish any drawings i do lately. jfdkl;ajfslkjflda.

geeze. i applaud Jaime for the audacity to attempt pranks on April Fool's Day. it's sophomoric, but it definitely made me laugh. props.
this monkey's antics include sending each of the sQuiD members a special edition of the newsletter announcing the disbanding of our group. sure, we discussed the idea recently, and we even went so far as to agree that dissolution of the union was imminent, but we didn't officially agree to anything. when i read the e-mail, i was automatically confused, because i thought a decision had been made without my knowledge. i quickly realized it was a joke. you see, i don't give a second thought on the purpose of April 1st, and Jaime easily exploited that thought. i'm quite sure most people would fall for it just as easily.
his second act was to post a message on his website (yes, i browse it quite frequently) announcing that he's being deported. another good shot. nearly had me there. sure, he's a resident alien, and sure he could be deported for any number of reasons, but you slipped when you showed 'evidence' of the deportation with the 'scanned' document. it is possible to find a copy of government documentation online, and he ruined the illusion by changing the documents fields with your own entries, but using a different typeface...
enough of the fool's day shennanigans.

i'm tired. work is losing its appeal. working less hours, making less money, debt is rising. but the cuties that i work with are still there. pros and cons, i hate them.

well, i'm back. back to the old blog like a crack whore to the blow dealing pimp daddy. giving head just to get through the withdrawals. yes, i relish in the use of disgusting analogies. the real reason of my return to blogspot space is because sub-central is currently down for reasons unknown to me.

lets move things...forward, as that pitiful brit rapper-wannabe says in that song. ugh. uhm yeah.
well, it seems my mind state is starting to focus on my long term goals and shit. namely, getting out of Sacramento and into a school in southern California. since i have no chance of making it into a UC, i figured i can settle and try and get into a CSU. when Ryan or whoever it was said that Veteran's Affairs doesn't cover private college tuition, i simply decided FUCK THAT against going to Cogswell or any technical school. besides, their tuition is far more expensive than that of a state school. i try to do everything i can to alleviate any financial hardship on my parents. but they seem to endure through all that.
my current choices are falling between CSU San Marcos (somewhere north of San Diego), and San Diego State University. I don't think i'll go for SDSU, seeing as how my cousin Jaclyn went there and promptly returned within the semster. so San Marcos it is. sounds like a nice little town. anything than this little town. but i digress.

starting to scout around, searching for the things i'll need when i finally break loose from the 'womb' and try to make it on my own. that Ford Focus doesn't seem any closer, but thats not a big deal. i'm mostly concerned about whether i should buy a digital camera or DV camcorder that has digital still imaging. i'd definitely save money, but sacrifice portability. decisions, decisions. basically, i'm trying to center my solo life around the use of hi-tech tools, with my iBook as the hub to bind it all together. the digital lifestyle, as Apple puts it. fitting, i think.
oh yeah, i believe my major will be illustration, or multimedia/web design. anything that'll allow me to free the creative thoughts i've imprisoned. i'll most likely choose the multimeda path to enlightenment.
at the same time that i am planning my emancipation, i'm also thinking of all these luxuries i can install into my current environment, including studio lights and an art desk. and i have this wacky idea of buying a projector and hooking it up to my laptop so i could watch movies projected onto my wall or some kind of screen i'll install into the ceiling. its pretty wild. you should see the setup i want to use if i were to put an in-room theater system to work. i'm also contemplating networking my macs to the new pc downstairs. so much work to do.

and how do i plan to pay for such lavish add-ons? hell if i know. but i plan to get a job at the apple store opening at arden fair mall. it's destiny, i say. well, not really. you see, such a lucrative job has its ups and downs. for one, its in arden, thats quite the commute. just as bad as as commuting to my current job. but its the mall, plenty of reason to be there anyway. but...i'd potentially be working in the same area as Claudia, not someone i would hope to bump into every so often. things are bad enough as they are, but seeing her every day i work? shit. another cool thing is that the bulk of the Starbucks in Sacramento that are wirelessly connected to the Internet are downtown and in the arden area, so i have plenty of places to retreat to if i need a quick net fix.
so, i've got to get started on looking for a job, like now. work at FTB will probably end in May, unless i quit before that. thats a nice idea. wouldn't want to get fired like the other job. ugh, i'm still disgusted by the thought of the racquet club.

i have made the decision to never tell any of my friends about my current romantic affairs, or lack thereof. theres always some kind of confusion that leads to poorly formulated hypotheses. assumption is the mind killer... or is that fear? definitely assumption. well, the exception to whom i would share such things would be Big Jon, since i've known him longer and can depend on him to keep it to himself. besides, he doesn't kick it with our circle very often, so the confusion is minimal. the most i'll do is probably hint at some goings-on, but nothing more. y'all are too stupid to comprehend, but i love ya anyway.

i think i'll start drifting away from socializing with friends and folks, since their presence is usually a deterrent to whatever i need to get done. sure, i'll make time to hang out with friends and girls, but less than usual. need time to structure the rest of my college life so i can actually graduate before i'm 24 or something. if my social life suffers, so be it. besides, 'socializing' with my current circle of friends isn't what it used to be, and that realization is starting to set in and is highly embittering. the glossy sheen on life's exterior is starting to fade and depreciate in value. damn, i'm starting to sound emo again. crap. i hope this jaded side of me isn't rubbing off on the ladies, i mean lady, i mean...yeah. nothing. holy shit, i think it is. i better quit this before i grab my guitar and start playing in an ear-splitting reverie of angst towards the opposite sex and disillusionment of life.

"...found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful day...."
-The Used

until optica goes back online, you'll catch me here.

Uh, yeah.

I've realized that in a mere week, I think I have single-handedly lost a job, and a girl. I'm being a dick lately, in my thoughts and most likely my actions. I suppose thats my personal reaction to the world when it gets too fucked up for me to adapt to. On top of that, I have nothing funny or witty to write. Damn.

Heh, I got fired from my first job today. Finally, I'm free of the bullshit that was requisite with that horrible place. $6.75 and hour to deal with uptight white people? No thank you.

Blast from the past! Today, I executed a maneuver not used since my sophomore year in high school. I actually gave a girl my number. I'm not saying that I receive numbers like I receive fan mail, but I haven't actually given a girl my number first since the Maria Tran girl. Heh, I didn't even ask for her number in return. Whether she calls me or not is irrelevant, since I don't intend to wait on a girl from this point on. Call me callous, or insensitive, but eh. I've taken enough shit from the genus Femme Fatale in my experiences.

If you're looking for a good, new movie to rent or possibly buy, I recommend Rules of Attraction (James Van Der Beek, Shannon Sossamon), something akin to Requiem For a Dream in that it's a college movie (and you should know I'm all for college movies). It's a crazy movie about the lives of 6 or so college kids intertwined with sex, drugs and "rock and roll." Fairly explicit, and a great movie in terms of cinematography and directing. Rules of Attraction is to college dramedy movies as Fight Club is to action movies. Good shit.

Turns out, Spiderman: Legend of the Spiderclan ends at issue #5, making it the only issue for Kali to pencil. Sigh.
It also turns out, that I'm wasting my time on a girl who is essentially invisible. She's not there for me in times of significant need, nor does she attempt to be. It's quite sad that I'm the complete opposite of her. FUCK it. I'm done with her. Should you ask about me and her, I will attempt to implode your brains with my pyrokinetic abilities and evil glare attack.

The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon is pretty fucking sick. Way better than the show of the early 90's. This latest incarnation is actually a little bit more true to the original comics. Still oozes with the essence of the 90's version, though. Arkanium (now cancelled) penciller, LeSean Thomas is set to do the TMNT comic for Dreamwave. Yay for LeS.
Khary Randolph, a.k.a. Kaligula, one of my iconic comic artists on the Net, is pencilling Spiderman: Legend of the Spider Clan #5, replacing Skottie Young for the issue (hopefully the rest of the series?). From what I've seen, Kali 'freaks' the pages of the Spiderman spin-off. I haven't seen Skottie's work on Spider Clan, but I highly prefer Khary to be penciller for the series, he deserves it. Much props to Kali.

Still wondering if I can launch my own comic project sometime this year. Damned resolutions. They never work out. Besides, I still have a lot to learn before I can actually produce a quality comic. Bah.

24 hours can do wonders for reflective thought. It's been roughly a whole day since the Valentine's Day date of DOOM, and I'm actually drawing fond memories of that night of ego-crushing proportions. From what I'm told, the Daredevil movie was quite the bust, although I'm still committed to seeing every Marvel movie and owning the DVD from here on out. Ok, onto the happy reminiscing.

She takes my right hand while I'm driving (I drive with my left hand) and thanks me for being her Valentine. Unfortunately, she later jokes to me that I wouldn't have had a Valentines if it weren't for her.

She's overjoyed that I made a copy of Justin Timberlake's "Justified" album for her. She gets excited pretty easily.

She compares me to an friend of her's in Cincinatti (not sure if thats a good or bad thing), in that I can just as easily share a love of music with her.

She insists on taking both my Valentine's Day CD compilations (the infamous straw that broke the date's proverbial back), "Love Sucks" and "Love Rocks." Being the sap that I am, I let her have them. Of course I can just record more.

We sing off-key and horribly to the sounds of Dashboard Confessional and New Found Glory.

Dinner at On the Border. "Was the waiter's name Rod or Rob?"

We talked about family. I convince her that a German Shepherd is way better than a Yellow Labrador, and that a mop dog sucks in comparison to a bloodhound. Ultimately, she decides that she'll get both the lab and the shepherd, with a small house dog to neglect and live in the shadow of the coolest outdoor dogs ever.

Two sons and two daughters or three daughters and one son? She chooses the latter, while I insist on the former. I know far too well the joys of being the only son, but she's adamant on "babying" her only son. Hah.

She slips up and says she doesn't want our children to compete against each other. She quickly apologizes, and we laugh.

We overate at On the Border, and chill in my car for a bit. I'd rather not drive on a full stomach. She keeps insisting that we hurry up and go, and warns, "You'll never make it with a Mexican girlfriend if you don't suck it up like a man and drive!" I am suspect to believe she's not very good at dropping subtle hints.

She repeatedly says that she's having a lot of fun, and that we're having a great date. Yet again, I'm led to believe that subtlety is not her strong suit. Either that, or she's the worst liar I've met thus far. Oddly enough, I choose to believe the latter.

When we finished our date, and arrived at my house and to her car, I gave her both the candy roses I forced my youngest sister to make for me. She instead chooses to keep one and let me have the other one. Not sure what that's supposed to mean. She warns me not to eat the candy.

I try sneak a kiss from her at the conclusion of our date, but she refrains. I can understand why me trying such a stunt was uncalled for, namely because we spent the last few hours of the date with her ex-boyfriend, of all people. If that's not the ultimate romantic mood killer, I don't know what is. Instead, she gives me a kiss on the cheek (damn*%$!), and leaves me with this:
me: "No kiss?"
her: "Not yet...but I promise it'll be worth waiting for..."
She smiles, I'm confused. Yet again.

As you can see, I live a torrid love life.

Possibly the weirdest outing with a girl since the last time we kicked it Halloween. I had the feeling today would be something of a bust. But in the end it wasnt that bad, just really...weird. Something like a karmic slap in the face, but it left me with one of those sinister "give me more" kind of smiles. I wonder how everyone else's Valentine's Day turned out. Not nearly as ACTION-PACKED with issues as my date tonight, I'm sure. Let's recap.
I worked during the afternoon, which set an already bitter taste in my mouth. Nothing like clocking out of work to try and pick up the pieces of your gloriously planned day. Went home, and already, the day was working towards it's disturbing climax. Instead of picking up the girl at her house, as was planned, she ended up dropping by my house, and leaving her car there while we (me, her, and her friend) killed some time and drove around my neighborhood.
8:00PM Dropped the friend off, and then phase 1 of THE date was supposed to commence. Instead, she gets second thoughts of watching Daredevil because of some opening-day-phobia. Eh. We go to the north part of town to maybe catch a movie at their Regal theaters, but again, she changes her mind. It's ok, the night is still young.
9:00PM We eat dinner at a mexican restaurant in the same plaza as the Regal theaters. We get full, and then go to a music store on broadway. I think every town has a broadway, so it's safe to label it as an improper noun.
10:15PM Music store, and urinations. All the soda I drank at the restaurant forced all the fluids to quickly escape. Not too clean a job. She buys a John Mayer CD and a spanish rock album. Enter the WEIRD.
10:45PM We head back to my car, and prepare to bump the new CD's she's bought. We load 'em, and pop the cartridge in. Technology DOES suck. It seems two CD's mysteriously jammed the loading slot. How? I don't know. We didn't even touch the two CD's that jammed. The universal solution? Her ex-boyfriend to the rescue. Now, I have nothing against the guy (I rather think he's a stand-up guy, although a stoner), but I did NOT expect something like this to happen, nor for him to enter the picture. Nevertheless, he did.
11:30PM We had to hunt him down in the south part of town, and met up with him at a Wal-Mart. He gives the console an inspection (he's a whiz at audio equipment), and says he's going to have to take the fucker apart completely to liberate the imprisoned CD's. He can't possibly operate in the middle of the parking lot like some back-alley surgeon, so we head over to his place even farther into the southern boonies of town where the proper tools are located.
11:45PM The fun has just begun. Me, the girl I'm on a date with, and her ex-boyfriend in one car once again (Halloween was the previous instance). We're relying on his skills to save the day. Thankfully he does, but not without thoroughly changing the mood of the otherwise fun date. As usual, I go mute, while his suave and oddly comedic personality kicks in, and she's in the back seat hanging out. I'm tired and wanting to blow my brains out onto the windshield.
12:45AM He fixes the problen, but the CD changer is otherwise fucked to Hell and back. It won't even play CDs now. But it can eject! Yay! Ugh. We double-back to where he left his car somewhere in Laguna (the commercial area of the southern suburbs), and drop him off. I am one step closer to ending this night.
1:00AM Back home, to where the night started. Still not closer to anything remotely according to the plan. I get no play. I guess I was better off, because all I needed was to just get home and finish myself off. Alas, I have no rope.

Actually, it was a great date, despite what happened towards the end of it. When it was only me and the girl, we were actually having fun. Something I doing remember us having in a while. Undoubtedly, tonight was my most memorable date, for the better part, and the worst part. Halloween was not a fun outing at all, although it was also me, her, the ex, and our friend. But Halloween lacked the substance that was present tonight. All I can do now is put this night behind me, because I won't be seeing her for at least another week or two, and I can certainly live with that. If I can push her out of my mind for now, it most certainly may be for the better.
And I'm spent. Happy Valentine's Day, fuckers.

"Why are rappers named 'Lil' now?"
"They're all getting smaller!"
Bah, I'm tired. The prospect of Valentine's day is distressing to my ego. Good night.

Hmm. Choices, choices. I have a myriad of choices when it comes to striking it on my own in the world. I can possibly move out to Florida and live with my cousin Geno, who's going to attend a school there. That'd be cool. I could move back to San Diego and somehow survive in my old hometown. I'm not sure what the living costs are down there, but I'll find out should I roadtrip there this summer.
Or, the dreaded choice of living in Sacramento is a large possibility. Several friends of mine are planning to get apartments/houses in Saramento, so there's my opportunity.
Of course, the biggest factor of actually moving out would have to be a stable, well-paying job to support rent, bills, and car payments. I've got a weekend job pretty much locked, unless I were to somehow screw up like I usually do, and lose it in some pathetic way. Job hunting sucks, too.
Also, the matter of my own car plays a large role in actually getting a job, and keeping one. My best bet is to buy a car around 2 grand or less. I've also got to drastically cut back on excess spenditures like snowboarding equipment and miscellaneous items.
Did I forget to mention that I've got to pay to repair for the three car's I've damaged? Yep.

Fuck. I'm screwed for at least half a year. I hit my neighbors car last night, and dented their driver side door pretty bad. Fuck you Ryan. You think you're such a perfect driver. Go crash into a fence or something. Pft.
Now I'm scrambling to get my thoughts together because I'm ready to flip the bird to each and every person from here on out. I'm going to buy myself a car, drop out of school for half a year, and move out of here as soon as I can. I could care less about what my parents say right about now. My mom has pretty much driven me to this decision, that controlling beast. I feel bad for Ryan for not having anywhere near the cajones to attempt an escape to freedom. The "real world" can be pretty harsh, but people can always come together to make it in the world. Don't expect to get along in the world without a little bit of help. I may as well walk the path of the derelict artist, and live paycheck to paycheck, hoping to "make it" in the art world, uneducated and self-taught. Ah, my dreams are coming true.

Oh shit, I nearly forgot that I have a $200 credit card debt to repay. There goes a formidable chunk of my paychecks. I guess I'll be delaying that heavenly laptop a month or two. Woe is me.

I just economically jizzed all over my bank account today. My first paycheck from my new job came in today, and it was a whopping $474. Granted, I get paid once a month (damn state jobs), but thats a large amount, more than my first job pays in one month combined.
Feet are cold, and I'm missing her. Shoot me, so I can feel pain that I can tolerate, godammit. But really though, my feet are ice cubes right now. And I'm wearing socks. Socks are like shrinkwrap, they only cover but don't protect. Oh how easy it was to punch through shrinkwrap to steal something. I mean...thievery is wrong, yeah...

Joy. I kissed her today. Not the same kiss I normally give her on the cheek. A light kiss on the lips, as quickly as I could before going home. Joy.

Firstly, let me reiterate what I publicly proclaimed this past week: Thank God for Pornography.
Now, don’t go forming some kind of impression of me, until I’ve explained my reasoning.
After a weekend-long marathon of porn, thanks to hijacked high-speed internet, I’ve come to the apt conclusion that porn is a tonic for the soul. The way I see it, I’d rather have a sociopathic psychopath give in to his hand rather than a more violent form of self-expression. Of course, it is naive to believe that porn can be a cure-all for human behavior, since it is, in fact, a part of human nature that most Christian ideal’s scorn. Bah, is what I say to religious values. Of course, throw any predispostions based on Catholic standards right out of the window, especially in a world like ours. But that is a subject for another time.
If we were to just hand certain terrorists a hi-definition digital television, home theater surround sound system, and plenty of porn, why, I believe we’ve just tapped into their human vulnerability and quite possibly delayed/averted another embassy bombing. Hell, you know some terrorists could use a visual helping of Brianna Banks deepthroating. I’m quite sure they would benefit from it, after being cooped up with other men in a cave for so long. Unless they were homosexual...
I understand that the pornography is an evil industry, manipulating its constituents and consumers, but what billion-dollar corporation is devoid of immorality? McDonalds you say? What kind of malicious conglomerate reduces the size of their Big Mac™ patties to the size of hamburger pattiess?! That is pure sadism, people!
I digress, because this porn industry is as bad as they come. But without it, our society would more or less evolve into a drab utopia or self-contained community, where law and values are placed higher than human emotions. I would prefer that porn flourish, as well as other kinds of primal entertainment (contact sports, violent television, etc.) as a vent for frustrations. You never know when your utopia’s average blue-collar civilian goes insane for a brief moment and guns down his fellow employees. We pretty much need most forms of pornography, save the extreme kind (child porn, bondage, etc.).
As a disclaimer, pornography should in no way be applied to real life, only as a form of release for our carnal desires. I highly advise against attempting any of the retarded lines that the long-haired adult film star recites. It is a poor attempt at acting at best. Note how they are generally referred to as “adult film star”, as opposed to “porn actor/actress” because they are the worst actors/actresses you can find.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no supporter of pornography, nor do I deny that I watch it. At times, it is a tool to keep me grounded. Other times it is just pointless to watch. My willpower is strong enough to go without such trivial aspects of life, but I can’t avoid my human nature to watch complete strangers go at it like Bonobo monkeys.

Aside from this diatribe I've just logged, the world is hurtling towards war. I could care less, since Death is a universal constant, and will claim lives with or without the help of his fellow comrade of the Apocalypse, War. Actually, I wouldn't mind a war, even if I were an 'unfortunate' casualty of it. War will just thin out some of the world's population; always an exciting prospect. With Death so near to all of us, I can't help but think, "What would Ron Jeremy do?" Shag as many women as possible. Now THAT is an uplifting idea in such a somber time.