THE FOUR HUNDRED MILE FABLE, continued

It was bananas. Pure and unadulterated raucous rock. I recounted the basic events of the trip to LA and San Diego, but I didn't capture the apeshit craziness that happened over the two and a half days we were away. These are the memories I take with me of our So.Cal Vandal Tour.

Once again, we played Eagles of Death Metal on a roadtrip, and me and Alex violently rocked the front seats of the car for an hour of insane glory.

This time, Alex stayed up the whole night while I drove, which added a good amount of laughs and entertainment for 5 straight hours.

At around midnight on the way down, while most of us were still asleep, Alex randomly blurted out the "kininnigan" inside-joke of ours and we resolved to repeat the joke every other hour. Which we actually did, hahahaha.

I probably would have been just as content watching the Indiana Jones trilogy on Saturday and Sunday rather than go out on the town.

Dave and Busters is a cool place, but they only had Tekken 4 and a rom arcade machine for fighting games. WTF.

I tried to get a hold of LJ (fellefel) to kick it, but my call was too late and we were too far away from where he lived to kick it on Saturday night.

Alex noticed that So.Cal girls looked hot, but didn't have an acceptable amount of junk in the trunk for our tastes. I attributed it to the, "2-D Booty Phenomenon."

I'm starting to think that girls down south are far more personable a.k.a. skankyslut than the girls up here. Seriously, a random girl around here wouldn't give me the time of day, but out there they'd come onto you first. CRAZY.

Adam and the rest of the cats living in that house are totally sedate, and its awesome. When we arrived, Mike was on his way to buying some beer and the rest were watching Futurama episodes.

Mike and Adam showed me the motorcycle that they 'stole' which was probably originally stolen and abandoned at the Ramada Inn across the street from their house.

Most of of the day we were at the San Diego house, me, Alex, and Jaime would crack all kinds of Anchorman reference jokes. What struck me was that not a damn person in that house laughed along with us, because only one of them actually saw the movie. Those guys are dead inside or something.

Downtown San Diego is crawling with hotties. And it was only a Sunday night. For future references, always remember that the Gaslamp District has the best bars/clubs on 5th street (and F street). Everything that would be of interest is located on that strip, it even goes all the way down to the Convention Center.

The C Lounge was the highlight of the entire trip. Imagine a hip hop club that actually played good hip hop. Chick in the Fatal Fury hat caught both me and Alex's eye that night, as she was this blazin' young latina with a massive vibe that everyone there felt.

There was this amazingly cute chick that sat on a couch across from the one me and Jaime were sitting on, whom caught my eye. We exchanged glances, a quick smile. Some guy was buggin her, and eventually he was led out by security right in front of us. She gave me that relieved and annoyed look when dude was led away. We exchanged a few words, and that was it for now. She eventually wandered off and talked to a bunch of different guys that night. When the DJ gave up the mic for a freestyle session, I stopped by the bar to grab a beer. I felt a tap on my arm, and saw her right next to me. She asked if I were buying a shot, I told her I was ordering a Heineken. She then asked me if I would like to take a shot with her, because she didnt want to take one alone. She had just stopped talking to some guy a few minutes before I got my beer, so I felt honored. She had taken some other shots that night, so she asked me to choose. The bartender didn't have the right ingredients to make Liquid Cocaine, so I let the bartender pick one. Washington Apple. I insisted on buying our beers and shots, but she was a persistent one. I'm pretty sure the bartender never rung either us up for my beer, ROCK. She said to make a toast, to make the shot seem fitting. I toasted to "Hip Hop", she toasted "it don't stop." We flirted for a few minutes. I was getting caught up in her. Strike one. She thought I looked familiar, but I told her I'm not from around here. Strike two. I tried to get her to get on the dancefloor with me, but she said something like "I dont really dance, only when the mood and right song is on." Strike three. I was out of there. It was pathetic how I let the moment fail, but whatever. Only in San Diego.

Vandalizing San Diego and Fullerton was the most liberating feeling of the entire trip. Seeing Taft and Huey Newton on some random wall or street corner was great.

Watching Kung Fu Hustle while high made it seem like the greatest martial arts movie ever filmed. And I'm pretty sure it is.

Mike suplexed Alex, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

After we left the San Diego house, I got lost 3 times leaving SD, 2 times leaving Fullerton. I claimed that I didn't really get lost, and that I was merely, "looking for something."

This store down the street from Gema's apartment had this giant window signage that said "Puppies, only $25." We rushed in and fell in love with all the cute puppies inside. I started to notice that each puppy was pure-bred and none of them were cheaper than $500. We eventually left, and I thought that all $25 puppies were probably already bought. When we walked out the door, Cheryl noticed the smaller print on the signage that read: "per month." DAMMITT!!

Before we left Fullerton, I started taking swigs from Alex's bottle of Jagermeister, which quickly had me buzzin before we even hit the road.

During the holdup on the foothill highway to Grapevine, I spontaneously ran out of the car in a fit of madness, flailed my way to the next car in front, then back to the car, all the while screaming incoherent shouts.

After my moment of insanity, a guy in a truck ahead of us got out of his car and approached me, we talked for a few minutes. At the end of the conversation he asked me if I had "stuff," and I laughed and said that we smoked back in San Diego. He left and said that if anyone walked by and offered to sell any, to send the guy to him. Potheads are funny.

When the traffic finally started moving again, I noticed that the cute girl in the car next to us fell asleep in her car. I hesitated, but didn't knock on her window to tell her that the roadblock had lifted. As I pulled away, I noticed that her headlights never came back on.

Though we got back in South Sac by 7:30am, we didn't actually leave Jaime's house until after 10am.